


Where My Fears Lie

by Little_Plebe



Series: Discovering Darcy Lewis [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Darcy Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Jane Foster & Darcy Lewis Friendship, Minor Jane Foster/Thor, Oblivious Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Running Away, keeping secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-11
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-06-07 19:01:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 50,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6820318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Little_Plebe/pseuds/Little_Plebe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Did I fly through the air in slow motion and land a crumpled heap at your feet?”</p><p>“No ma’am,” he replied solemnly. “But if he had head butted you in the stomach, you would have definitely taken a brief flight.”<br/>___________</p><p>Darcy Lewis was not always this sad. Her friends and colleagues would tell you how upbeat, sarcastic and outgoing she had always been. She loved music and seemed to carry her iPod everywhere with her; she enjoyed making pop culture references; never missed out on an opportunity for sarcasm; and she always, always took care of the people she loved. Rarely, very rarely, did she mope, cry or feel lonely. She was just too lively, too happy… too strong.</p><p>Till the day she met Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Superhero Without A Cape

Darcy Lewis was not always this sad. Her friends and colleagues would tell you how upbeat, sarcastic and outgoing she had always been. She loved music and seemed to carry her iPod everywhere with her; she enjoyed making pop culture references; never missed out on an opportunity for sarcasm; and she always, always took care of the people she loved. Rarely, very rarely, did she mope, cry or feel lonely. She was just too lively, too happy… too strong.

Till the day she met Steve Rogers.

After the events of Puente Antiguo, Erik had been recruited by S.H.I.E.L.D. and Jane had been given free rein to continue her work with wormholes as long she shared with them all the information she had about the nine realms. In return, S.H.I.E.L.D. promised her resources and new tech if she wanted. Jane declined their tech, trusting the machinery she had assembled on her own rather than wasting time learning about their expensive modern tech. Three months later, followed by a suspicious phone conversation with a seemingly tired and unusually quiet Erik, a worried Jane – and by extension, Darcy – followed Erik to New York, reckoning it would be better if they were all in the same city. They packed their belongings and moved to a hole in Manhattan.

It didn’t take long to adjust in a new city. They had never stayed put in one place before, they had always moved around and Darcy had no hopes of sticking around this time either. She would bet her iPod that Jane would up and leave if anything more exciting and more significant came along somewhere else. But, for now, New York was their home and Darcy, as usual, was trying to make the most of it. Every day, she dutifully accompanied Jane to the makeshift lab they had created for the time being, did her data analysis, decoded Jane’s horrid handwriting, studied photographic evidence for anomalies, forced Jane to eat and nap in between all the science-ing, and, if she had time, she updated her blog and managed a visit or two to the nearby burger place.

Life was good. Normal, even. Well, as normal as it could be for someone who was involved with manic astrophysicists and Norse Gods.

It was by pure stroke of fate that Darcy met Steve. She was on her way to Starbucks for a brief coffee break when a man rushing in her direction crashed into her, sent her tumbling to the ground and didn’t even stop to apologize for his crappy behavior. Darcy sat up and looked after him, slightly dazed. Her shoulder hurt and she was pretty sure she had sprained her ankle but other than that, all her body parts were accounted for and she was alive.

Two faces popped into view. “Are you all right?”

Darcy shook herself, trying to clear her vision. A part of her just wanted to lie back down on the pavement till the pain and dizziness subsided; another saner part of her let the stranger help her up. Realizing that there was only one person, not two, Darcy grabbed onto his arms as he steadied her. Now that she could clearly make out his face, she saw his blue eyes and the concern in them.

“Did I fly through the air in slow motion and land a crumpled heap at your feet?” She tried to joke.

He guided her towards a gaudy coloured bench outside a women’s hair salon and gently pushed her down. “No ma’am,” he replied solemnly. “But if he had head butted you in the stomach, you would have definitely taken a brief flight.”

She stared up at him, holding back a grimace. Was he serious or was that an attempt at humor? Before she could say anything, he spoke up.

“Can you walk?”

“Errr… Dunno.” She grabbed a hold of his arm for support and tried to heave herself up. “Lemme try.”

The jet of pain shooting up her right leg caused her to release an anguished yelp and tears to fill her eyes. She blinked rapidly and, after a second or two, placed weight on her right foot gingerly. She could maybe walk, if she had a cane and if the lab was just around the corner. As it was, the lab was two blocks down the road and she didn’t have a cane to take her weight.

“I think,” she began but stopped immediately when she noticed her fingers digging into the skin of his forearms. “Oh God, I’m so sorry.” She released him and wobbled comically on the spot. He caught her and put her arm around his neck.

“Let me help.”

“No, you don’t have to! I can – I mean I’m sure I can – ”

“Ma’am,” he interrupted her. “I insist.”

Darcy looked up at him. He looked sincere enough and he wasn’t trying to touch her in any inappropriate places.

“Round the corner, 2nd intersection,” she told him. He nodded, wrapping a bulky arm around her waist and practically carrying her down the road.

Darcy looked down at the way the tips of her sandals occasionally brushed the ground and she felt awe. Who the hell was this guy? He looked like something her mind had conjured up – extremely tall, exceptionally bulky and unnaturally handsome. He looked straight ahead as he walked and seemed oddly steady in his pace, like he was trying not to make any sudden movements which could potentially hurt her. Darcy decided that she was enjoying this a little too much and that some conversation was in order.

“So…uh… you’re not a Norse God by any chance, are you?” she asked him.

He looked confused. “I beg your pardon?”

“Guess not,” she sighed. “Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn,” was the brusque response.

“Are you a boxer?”

“No.”

“A professional wrestler?”

“No.”

“A superhero?”

He faltered a little. Then, “Do you see me wearing a cape?”

Darcy thought back to Thor and his brilliant red cape that put to shame all of her fancy dresses. “Well, no,” she said, only slightly disappointed. “Maybe you’re hiding it in your superhero den.”

“Maybe.”

She smiled at the dryness in his tone. He didn’t smile back.

“You’re not a very chatty person, are you?” she guessed.

“I prefer the term ‘modest’,” he replied, making Darcy snort. She took a peek at him; he looked as serious as ever. It was weird how the humor in his voice did not translate into a smile – even a small one – yet he never once managed to sound rude in his taciturn modesty. “2nd intersection. Is this it?”

Darcy was surprised to see that they really had reached the lab. “That was fast,” she mused out loud.

He nodded and bent to put her down on her feet. “Think you can make it from here?”

“Yeah,” she said, leaning her weight on the building and pulling out her phone from her bag. “I’ll call my friend from inside. Thanks… a lot.”

“No problem, ma’am,” he intoned. “You take care.”

And without another word, he turned around and jogged away. Darcy stood there, staring after him like a fish out of water. Who the freaking hell _was_ that guy?

 

Foot neatly wrapped in a bandage, Darcy sat in the lab nursing a mug of hot cocoa and reciting the bizarre story of her unsuccessful trip to Starbucks.

“So wait, you didn’t ask for his number?” Jane questioned after hearing the whole ordeal.

“He kinda fled after dropping me off,” explained Darcy. “Didn’t give me time to ask him anything!”

“Not even his name?” Jane prodded.

Darcy scowled at her. “I told you! He wasn’t very chatty, definitely didn’t seem to want to have any kind of conversation with any human really, let alone wittle me.”

Jane nodded and checked the computer again for data update. “What did he look like?” she asked absently.

Darcy immediately perked up. This was one question she had a good answer to. Her savior dude had been so blindingly handsome, even a blind person would be able to answer Jane’s question. No wait, that wasn’t a proper analogy. Oh well, it made sense in her head. “Oh Jane,” Darcy gushed. “He looked like a scoop of spicy Mexican chocolate ice cream sitting on a smooth buttery pancake.”

Jane looked up from the computer and blinked in confusion. “What did I ask you?”

Darcy rolled her eyes. “He looked totally edible. He had a jaw that could cut glass. No seriously,” she insisted when Jane snorted loudly. “A body that could rival Thor’s and big sad eyes that could drown you in their very depths.”

“How poetic,” muttered Jane.

Ignoring her, Darcy continued, “And he was tall. Like, really tall,” she paused. “Unbelievably tall, probably Thor’s height…or maybe taller.” Another pause. “No wait, no one’s taller than Thor. Thor is – ”

“All right, I get it. Stop saying the darned name!” wailed Jane and Darcy shut up immediately. She threw the scientist an apologetic look which went unseen and took a sip of her hot cocoa.

For the next few minutes, Darcy watched silently as Jane worked, her mind blissfully blank. Then Jane asked –

“Think you’ll see him again?”

“With my luck, I don’t think so. But I sure hope I do.”

 

A week later, Darcy found herself hurrying down an unfamiliar street, a six pack in one hand and a tub of ice cream in another. Jane was having a breakdown after encountering a major failure in the labs. Let’s just say their scheme of tearing a hole in the universe to bring Thor back had been significantly delayed. Darcy had taken it upon herself to cheer up the distraught scientist, who, in her obsession induced misery, had forgotten that come midnight, her only friend and intern would be a year older.

It was five minutes to midnight and Darcy was debating whether she should get a cupcake or not when someone tackled her from behind and pushed her against the wall roughly. The sudden jerk caused the beer to fall from her hand and a shriek to erupt from her lips.

“Scream again and I will slice your throat in two,” came a low harsh voice.

Darcy squinted in the darkness at her attacker’s face. He was bigger and stronger than her but didn’t look a day older than twenty, and he was holding a gun to her chest. “How?” she rasped, while her free hand frantically searched her bag for her taser.

“How what?” he growled. “Gimme your fucking money, lady!”

Where was the taser when she needed it? “I mean, how will you slice my throat? You don’t have a knife, you have a gun. It just doesn’t make sense, you know,” explained Darcy. Damn it all to hell, she had forgotten her taser at the lab! There was no point trying to stall him anymore. She couldn’t do anything without her taser. Could she?

“I mean,” she continued, hoping an idea would pop into her head and save her from this psycho. “A gunshot won’t slice my throat in two. I think the expression you’re looking for is, blowing a hole in my throat, or something like that. Get it?”

The hand on her throat tightened and he smashed her head back into the wall. “Stop talking shit and give me your money, or,” he paused to leer and Darcy visibly gulped, “I’ll blow a hole in your throat.”

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” A new, slightly familiar voice emerged from the darkness. Momentarily distracted, her assailant looked up (yes, that’s where the voice had come from – up) and without thinking, Darcy brought her knee up, slamming it forcefully into his crotch. He yelped out loud and released his hold on her.

“Bitch!”

She punched him in the head with the tub of ice cream she was carrying and he fell down and remained there.

“Damn right!” she shouted hoarsely, ice cream dropping from her hand. A figure dropped out of the sky as she took a few unsteady steps back, bending to rest her hands on her knees and panting heavily.

“You took him out.” Darcy paid no attention to the surprise in his voice. She was too busy staring at her unconscious attacker and trying to control her racing heartbeats. After a minute or two, she took a deep hitching breath and straightened up.

“Who are you?” were the first words out of her mouth when she finally caught sight of the stranger standing in front of her, warily watching her every move.

“I…uh… heard you scream,” he said in response, and Darcy narrowed her eyes at him. That didn’t answer her question, did it?

“Why are you wearing a mask?” It wasn’t technically a mask. It was a balaclava which covered his entire face except for the eyes. She realized that he had probably come to save her, but dude, he looked like a crook himself, covered in that suspicious blue balaclava and an American flag printed t-shirt.

When he didn’t reply, she eyed the tub of ice cream on the ground, her only weapon at that moment in time. Maybe it would be just as useful a second time. He followed her gaze and Darcy knew the exact moment he understood her intentions, because his eyes went wide and he held up both his heads in a peace gesture.

“Just here to help,” his voice was steady and damn it why couldn’t she place a face to that familiar voice?

“Yeah well, thanks but sorry to ruin your thunder, dude. I think I handled things quite well while you creepily watched from above. What were you doing in the sky anyway? Are you Spider Man?”

“I wasn’t in the sk – never mind. I’ll be off now, ma’am. You take care.”

_Ma’am._

“Ma’am,” whispered Darcy, realization dawning. “Hey!” She ran after him, following him deeper into a dark alley. He didn’t stop, in fact, her voice made him run faster. “Hey, wait up,” she panted. He was up ahead, bent into a crouch, looking for all the world like he was rearing up for a big leap. Darcy quickened her pace because she had no idea how it was possible, but somehow realized that he was going to scale that dead end right before them and if she didn’t stop him, she might never get to see him again.

Just as he was about to make his leap, _she_ leapt on _him_ , which, Darcy later decided, had not been a very good idea. He lost his balance and down they went, him falling face first on the road and she on top of him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she chanted, crawling off his body and trying to look concerned when he groaned loudly. She would be _truly_ concerned about him had he not jumped down from the freaking sky!

He sat up and stared at her in disbelief. “Are you crazy?” he asked her.

“Okay, so I get that you’re angry,” muttered Darcy, watching as he yanked off his balaclava.

“Dang right I am.” He was rubbing his chest, his face contorted in pain.

“Are you hurt?”

He shot her an incredulous look and Darcy immediately backed off. “I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I was just trying to say thank you.”

“By attacking me from behind?”

“No! I mean, well, I never said I have the best of ideas…” She paused when he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose like she was giving him a headache. “But,” she continued stubbornly, “You helped me that day and tried to save me today as well.” He was looking at her now. “Even though you didn’t really do anything except startle him from the nest you were perched in and I basically did the rest… but still – hey, where are you going?”

He was getting up and dusting himself off. He did not look inclined to reply to her question.

“I was trying to say thank you,” Darcy muttered indignantly. “And it’s my birthday. Show some courtesy, will you?”

He stopped and looked down at her. “Happy birthday,” he sighed, offering her a hand to help her up.

Darcy beamed. “Wanna celebrate with me?” she asked boldly. Jane be damned, this guy was cute.

“I’d rather not,” he said.

“Why are you running around in a mask?” she asked, curiosity finally getting the best of her. Had he disillusioned himself into thinking he was Zorro or something?

He suddenly looked sheepish as he massaged his neck and refused to meet her eyes. “Uh…I was looking for trouble,” he mumbled. “Trying to get back in the game.”

She narrowed her eyes at him. “What game?” Then, “ _What_ are you?”

He shot her a look and Darcy wondered if he would even deign her rude question with an answer but then he looked like he was contemplating something and she’d be damned if he said she was right and he really was Spider Man.

“Captain America at your service,” he said and Darcy stared at him bemused. _What?_

“Who?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

He did not reply immediately. Instead, he watched her thoughtfully and Darcy was beginning to think that maybe she had missed something big. The way he had said it felt like he had just revealed a dark secret to her. Was he a military captain? He certainly looked like one, straight-spined and muscle-y that he was.

“Never mind,” he interrupted her thoughts and said, “I’m Steve.”

He wasn’t smiling but he had told her his name and he wasn’t running away from her like she was the plague. Darcy couldn’t be happier. “Hi, I’m Darcy,” she said. “If you don’t wanna hang out, may I at least walk you to your place?” Well, a woman has to take a chance sometimes, right?

He pursed his lips like he disliked the idea but nodded anyway. Beaming, Darcy promptly stepped closer and pushed her fingers into the crook of his elbow, tugging slightly, urging him to walk. He seemed a little surprised by her forwardness but didn’t mention it. Darcy kept up a constant chatter as they walked while Steve was mostly silent. He would nod sometimes but Darcy realized that he wasn’t really paying attention to her, that his mind was somewhere else entirely. She cracked silly jokes and turned her sarcasm up a few notches to cheer him up but she could see that Steve was really and truly sad from the inside. Nothing she could say or do would change that, at least not yet. Something must have happened to make him that way.

“This is me,” he said suddenly and Darcy looked in surprise at the despondent looking apartment house he was pointing at.

“You live here?” She couldn’t hide the disgust in her voice.

He frowned and informed her, rather stubbornly, “I like it. I chose it.”

“Okay,” she nodded.

Any hope that he would invite her in was dashed when he said, “You should go.”

“You’re awfully blunt, aren’t you?” Darcy told him, tamping down her disappointment.

“So are you,” he said, his tone cautious. It made her laugh. He was right, Darcy had no filter. “You should go,” he repeated, this time more forcefully. “It’s late.”

Darcy checked the time. It really was late. Jane must be worried. She had been gone too long. “See you, I guess,” she said, turning away. “Thanks again.”

He nodded and without another word, jogged up the steps to his house. Darcy sighed. He wouldn’t look twice at her. Then why did she want to be his friend? Why did she want to be the one to make him smile? Why was she hoping that she would get to see him again and soon?

 

Now that she knew where he lived, in the coming days, Jane had to physically stop Darcy from lurking around Steve’s house like a creep. She had no idea why her intern was acting like a clingy non-girlfriend. Darcy, for her part, was feeling very out of character. Never in her twenty-four years had she ever had the urge to strike a friendship with someone and spend time with them so badly. Except maybe with Jane and Erik. Jane, because she was tiny, intelligent and would die of starvation if not for Darcy’s care, and Erik, because he was crazy, smart and seemed to like Darcy for things other than her glorious chest, which was a pleasant change from most men of the 21st century. Steve, however, was different. What was so special about him that drew her to him? She tried to explain it to Jane once.

“He never smiles, Jane. Never.”

“Gee, Darcy. He sounds like a friendly guy.”

Needless to say, Darcy sucked at the explaining part. She wanted to tell Jane about the way his blue eyes flitted around in focused attention when they were in public, almost as if expecting someone to jump out and attack him; the way his mouth thinned into a line whenever she cracked a joke; the way he unintentionally ignored her because he was too pre-occupied with his own thoughts; and most of all, she wanted Jane to understand how defeated Steve had looked when she had met him, how grim, how helpless, as if he had already given up on life, on people. He was mysterious, yes, especially when he did things like drop out of the sky and hid his face with a balaclava but Darcy could somehow see the resignation behind the enigma that was Steve.

She wanted to explain all that and more to Jane but how could she, when Darcy herself had no idea how she felt so connected to him. They were poles apart. Darcy was, as Erik had fondly said once, a wise cracking little shit, while Steve was as straight-laced as they came. Darcy liked to laugh, while Steve looked like he could barely stomach a good joke, let alone a bad one. And yet, Darcy wanted to know him.

“You just want to know his secret, about why he’s sad and stuff,” said Jane, urgently scribbling equations into a paper napkin, and Darcy wondered if that was true. If she had an ulterior motive, if she would be satisfied once she came to know what Steve had been through to make himself like this.

She decided she didn’t care. Ulterior motive or not, Steve had helped her twice and that was enough to deserve her friendship.

More than a month passed this way and Darcy had become better at controlling her stalker tendencies. She had taken to meditating in the park every morning. Jane said meditation helped with concentration but in all truth, Darcy just lay there in the grass, listening to songs and occasionally ogling Stark Tower, wondering if she would ever catch a glimpse of Iron Man flying out. In her wildest daydreams, Iron Man sometimes rained money from the sky as he zoomed past, revealing a generous side of him the public had rarely seen.

While that never happened, something just as wonderful happened. Steve ran past her. Darcy was leaning back against a tree trunk, her feet spread out before her on the cool grass, her iPod phones plugged into her ears, and her eyes gliding about aimlessly, seeing nothing in particular. She did not notice him at first but when he circled around for the second time, both of them saw each other at approximately the same time. Darcy was so astonished that she just stared at him as he came to a stop and regarded her curiously, as if trying to remember why she looked familiar.

She had never thought she would meet him again unless she initiated the meeting by standing outside his apartment. So it was a pleasant – very pleasant – surprise seeing him there in the park, in his tight workout t-shirt and blonde hair flopping adorably over his forehead. She waved at him frantically, leaving him no choice but to come over and say hi. Darcy stood to face him.

“I’m Darcy, do you remember me?” she asked him, feeling a little hurt that he had forgotten her already.

He cocked his head, looking unsure.

“I called you Spider Man and walked you home?” she tried hopefully. “You jumped down from the sky to save me?”

His expression cleared and he immediately pursed his lips. Darcy grinned. Yep, he had definitely recognized her.

“I wasn’t in the sky,” he insisted, but it was half-hearted, as if he knew Darcy wouldn’t believe him, even if her silly assumptions defied logic.

“If you say so,” she said, trying hard to tamp down the happiness she felt at seeing him there. She gave him a subtle once over. He was as huge as ever and he was sweating like a pig. He looked okay, she decided. She resisted the urge to hug him.

“So how are you?” she asked him.

“Alive,” he said, then blinked as if he hadn’t meant to say that at all. She would have thought he was making a joke but the decided bitterness in his voice gave her a pause.

“And that’s a bad thing?” Darcy asked tentatively.

He looked away and wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Sorry. I’m… I’m fine,” he said to the tree behind her. And judging by the way his cheeks tinged pink and his eyes lowered, Darcy realized he was feeling ashamed of himself. Something heavy settled in her stomach as she watched him, first signs of a sadness she had rarely ever felt before. She gulped and opened her mouth to say something, anything, but all that came out was what she was feeling for him –

“Sorry.”

His eyes found her again and he held her gaze before firmly saying, “Don’t be.”

Darcy nodded and they lapsed into an awkward silence. Steve looked so uncomfortable and out of his element standing there that Darcy worried he would make some excuse and run away, something that she didn’t want him to do. She would not risk losing him again at least without his phone number or some kind of guarantee that they would meet again.

“Do you want to meditate with me?” she blurted out unthinkingly. He looked a bit startled by her offer but nodded – rather uncertainly – when she said, “Meditation helps with concentration.” _Or something._

They sat down cross-legged, facing each other. “Now close your eyes and breathe deeply,” Darcy said, “Try to ignore your surroundings and the sounds of nature.” In all truth, she had no idea how to meditate, so she told him to do what she felt was the correct way to meditate.

“I know how it works,” Steve said and Darcy thought she saw his lips twitch. She was torn between feeling victorious and feeling insulted. For his sake and for hers, she chose the latter.

“Just close your eyes, dummy,” she huffed. He kept watching her until she rolled her eyes and then closed them. “Happy?” she asked and when he didn’t reply, she peeked an eye open to see that his eyes were closed and he had already started meditating without her. She studied him for a bit, taking in the slight dark circles under his eyes, the long blonde lashes that fanned his cheeks and his full lips that, for once, weren’t pursed into a thin line. Not for the first time, she wondered about his family and friends, about why he always seemed so alone and about her idea of being the one who would bring a smile to his face.

As it turned out, Steve was the one to steal the smiles from _her_ face.


	2. The Truth About Steve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away for the weekend, so I'm posting this chapter a day before I intended. Hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Thank you so much, @glynnisi on tumblr for making [this](https://66.media.tumblr.com/86d927267b912643ebdd815469343a7b/tumblr_o731xpCo6p1vnzcsao1_540.jpg) cover graphic. I love it!

After that day at the park, they met every day. Darcy found out that he jogged there every morning while she tried to meditate. It did not take much to convince him to meditate with her regularly. He liked sitting quietly with his eyes closed. After a week or so of jogging followed by sitting quietly, Darcy suggested they have breakfast together. She took him to her favorite diner and was surprised when Steve ordered two pancake meals, a plate of bacon and a large mug of hot chocolate. She told him she didn’t like it when people ordered for her. He replied that the order was for him and she was free to get whatever she wanted. With growing astonishment, Darcy spent the next half hour watching him slowly consume the food he had ordered.

One fine day, Darcy dragged him to a comic book store. Erik’s birthday was coming up and Darcy decided she would take the easy route and just give him a set of new comic books. Weirdly enough, Erik was out of town a lot – so much so that Darcy was growing suspicious – but he was returning this weekend to celebrate his birthday with his ‘two favorite women’, as he called them. Darcy didn’t know much about comics despite Erik’s efforts to try to get her interested in them; she preferred books and movies to comics and graphics novels. Steve looked like someone who read comics. So she begged him to go with her.

But he was no help to her at all. The moment Darcy turned around to inspect a comic, Steve left her side, disappearing behind a shelf full of old comics that seemed to be on sale. She rolled her eyes and ignored the urge to yell ‘betrayer’ at him. _Men_ , she thought, going back to her browsing. After fifteen minutes of looking around aimlessly, having no idea what was good and what was not-so-good, she gave up and picked the first new Iron Man comic she came across. She paid for it and went looking for Steve, who had still not emerged from behind the ‘for sale’ shelf.

He was standing with his back to her, head slightly bent, reading a comic.

“Ready to go?”

She had spoken in a voice of normal volume but he jumped like she had screamed in his ear. He shut the comic he was reading and shoved it roughly back into its place before turning to her and blocking her view of the shelf. Darcy had a feeling he did not want her to see what he had been reading. She narrowed her eyes and stepped forward to push him out of the way when she saw his eyes. They were decidedly wet. He blinked rapidly and turned his face away. She saw him gulp in some air through his mouth, his chest puffing out as he took deep breaths.

“Steve,” she said tentatively.

He did not reply immediately. Instead, he put his arm around her and muttered, “Let’s go,” an action that surprised Darcy so much that she let him steer her away from the mysterious comic collection he didn’t want her to see.

Once they were outside, Steve let go of her and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What was that?”

“I’m sorry,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets and kicking at a stone. “Did you get something for your friend?”

She held up the comic book in her hand and Steve nodded, barely sparing it a glance.

Darcy’s will power only lasted for two days. She told herself that whatever Steve had been hiding or whatever he did not want her to see, he would come around eventually and tell her himself. That she had no reason to go snooping around his secrets. Because they were friends – at least she considered him a friend even if he didn’t – and that’s what friends do. But as the second day came to an end, Darcy couldn’t hold back and she made her way back to the comic book store. Decked up in all-black, topped with a scarf and sunglasses to hide her face, looking for all the world like the comic relief in a bad spy movie, Darcy entered the store, casually walked past the cashier desk – the guy behind the desk sent her a weird look – and made a beeline for the ‘for sale’ shelf.

At first, she didn’t know what she was looking for. The shelf was full of torn dusty comics – Marville and Image United among others – that the store owner had probably bought when they had come out and now no one wanted to buy them. Then a name caught her eye and Darcy pulled out a comic, ignoring the prints her sweaty fingers left on the dusty cover.

“Captain America,” she whispered to herself, staring at the drawing of a man that looked a lot like Steve for it to be a coincidence. It took a while but she remembered he had first introduced himself as Captain America to her, as if she should have known who he was, recognized him.

Making up her mind, she grabbed all three of the Captain America comics and took them home with her, spending half the night reading them. By the time she finished reading the last one, a sinking feeling had settled in the pit of her stomach.

She grabbed her laptop and Googled Captain America. A bunch of links opened up. The first few were movies featuring the American icon running around in his uniform and winning fake wars, a couple of them were of him performing on stage – the video was grainy and the audio quality was terrible but she could make out a few words, some of them ‘star spangled man with a plan’. But in all the video footages, Captain America was wearing a cowl and Darcy couldn’t make out his face.

At first she tried to reason with herself. Captain America wasn’t real; he was just a legend, a movie star. She was making assumptions. Steve couldn’t be this person. It was impossible.

But then, she closed those tabs and determinedly opened more links. There was very little history about Captain America, only his tales of fighting in the army with the Howling Commandos and his indisputable role in bringing down the terrorist organization HYDRA during the Second World War. It wasn’t much to go on; the comics had already cued her about that. She kept looking, skimming through some old newspaper articles about Captain America being removed from the school curriculum to make space for recent, more important events. She found more of his comics online; they disturbed her because the hero in the comics, who could do some really crazy stuff with his person, looked a lot like Steve. But comics weren’t proof enough.

“Gimme real photographs, damn it!” she practically screamed.

In almost all photographs, his face was covered and where it was not covered, he was bent or turned away from the camera signing autographs or doing similar shit. Darcy was growing frustrated by the second. She had been searching for around 3 hours now and had not come across one useful link. She stabbed a finger on the keyboard and another link opened up. This one had a photograph and before Darcy could whoop with joy at her luck, all the blood drained from her face.

For the photo was a close-up of a face she had seen so many times this past month. He looked small and thin and – woah – different, but that was undoubtedly her Steve. Same blue eyes, same nose, same full lips and that neat mop of blonde hair that Darcy could recognize anywhere. The photo was captioned ‘Captain Steve Rogers before he was administered the serum.’

Darcy stared at the photograph, her eyes wide and lips parted, shocked beyond measure. Steve really was Captain America. His name was Steve Rogers. Rogers. They had never exchanged last names. And even if they had, Steve Rogers wasn’t an uncommon name, was it? Darcy would never have guessed and Steve would never have told her, especially since she failed to recognize him on her birthday. And how could she have, when she had never learned about him in school, when she had never read the comics, when she had never ever heard his name before. The point was, Darcy realized, with growing discomfort and sadness, that he might have been famous in the 40s but in her time – in _this_ time – Captain America was just a legend, a forgotten piece of history that no one was interested in any more.

All of a sudden, the page went blank. Darcy blinked. “The hell,” she muttered to herself, refreshing the link. The words on the screen read ‘this page is unavailable’. She hit the refresh button again. The same words glared at her from the screen. Frowning, she slammed her laptop shut and sat slumped on her bed, trying to sort out the mess that was her brain. The more she tried to link the pieces, the more confused she became. How was Steve alive? It did not make sense to her. Was it because of the serum? There wasn’t any information about the serum on the internet, nor in the comics. It all seemed too surreal to digest.

Her legs moved of their own accord, jumping down from the bed and making their way out of her room. She grabbed her coat to drape it over her faded blue pajamas and wrote a brief note to Jane that she stuck to the refrigerator. Then she left.

She had initially intended to walk around the block, thinking some fresh air would do her good but deep down she knew where she wanted to go and soon, she found herself standing outside Steve’s house, ringing the doorbell. He opened the door a little too fast for five in the morning.

“Darcy?” he said, surprised to find her there.

He was wearing sweat pants and a button down; his hair was neat, and his eyes wide open. He looked like he had either been awake for some time or hadn’t slept at all. Darcy gulped, suddenly lost for words, having no idea what she should say to him, how she should start. Would he be offended that she had gone back to the store to look at something he clearly did not want her to see? Would he be disappointed? Would he send her away?

She realized that while she was having this internal struggle, he was watching her. She saw his face register surprise, then confusion, then his eyes narrowed and she could tell the exact moment he figured out that she knew – his face fell and a shaky breath escaped his lips.

Darcy willed herself to walk in when he silently stepped aside. His house was small and scarcely furnished. There was a kitchen space that looked well-loved because it was entirely too clean compared to the rest of the house. The bed was understandably huge; it would have to accommodate a giant such as Steve. The couch placed awkwardly in the center of the room looked comfortable enough. The T.V. box in the corner was gathering dust; apparently Steve had never even opened it. There was a computer on a table at the far side of the room and it looked like Steve hadn’t put it to use either.

Darcy stopped in front of the couch, uncertain about making herself too comfortable. This was Steve’s domain, she had no right to barge in uninvited in the middle of the night. She turned to face him. He was still watching her but his expression was defiant, as if he expected Darcy to reprimand him for not telling her the truth. The thought upset her. Why would she be angry with him? Steve was just so nice, he could never do wrong. She decided to set the record straight at once.

“I’m sorry,” she said, breaking the oppressive silence. “I’m nosy by birth.”

His surprise and relief at her lame excuse almost made her feel better. Almost.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know who Captain America is,” she said.

He pushed his hands into his pockets and shrugged. “It’s okay. Nobody knows him anymore.” He paused and took a deep breath. “It’s better this way.”

“Steve,” sighed Darcy.

“No, I… it is,” he insisted. “It’s been almost 70 years. I understand times have changed. Yeah… it’s better this way.”

Darcy nodded, trying to understand. “Do you… I mean, can I –” she stopped and attempted to find some coherency in her words. “Will you tell me about your time?”

His eyes shuttered and he rocked on his feet, unsure. Darcy was beginning to think he wouldn’t talk but then he gave her a jerky nod and gestured towards the couch. Darcy sat but he remained standing.

“I didn’t always look like this,” he started.

The story of Captain America was a bumpy one, that much Darcy had gathered when she had skimmed through hundreds of web pages searching for his photograph. But when he told her about the frail, disease ridden, asthmatic boy from Brooklyn who wouldn’t back down from a fight, Darcy realized just how much Steve had been through. He told her about his mother, his best friend Bucky Barnes and about meeting Dr. Erskine, the man responsible for Steve’s strength and physique.

“He was one of the few people who believed in me,” Steve told her.

Darcy had never heard him talk so much before. It seemed like now that he had started, he couldn’t stop himself. He needed to tell her. He needed to say it all.

He told her about his stint with the Howling Commandos, about how Bucky had died and how Steve had felt guilty for days.

“I don’t see how it was your fault, Steve,” Darcy interrupted, unable to stop herself.

“Yes, Peggy thought so, too.”

He didn’t tell her much about Peggy Carter but from what little he said, Darcy gathered that Steve had been in love with her. She had to squash the tiny feeling of jealousy that bubbled in her gut whenever Peggy’s name came up. Darcy knew she had no right to feel that way about Peggy. She was probably dead. But the look Steve got in his eyes when he talked about Peggy (and Bucky) Darcy decided she wanted that look as well. She wanted him to look at her like he had looked at Peggy once.

But she also knew that would never happen. Steve was clearly still in love with Agent Carter.

“Sometimes I wish if I had just told her my coordinates before I went down, then I would be alive… with her.”

“You’re alive now, Steve,” Darcy reminded him softly.

He looked at her, his eyes red and tired. “Am I?”

Maybe this was the moment when Darcy was supposed to say something inspiring, something so wonderful and life-changing that Steve would have no choice but to agree with her and be motivated to be happy. But his eyes spoke volumes. There was absolutely nothing Darcy could say that would make him feel better. She fought to push down the rising lump in her throat. She had to leave or she would make a fool of herself somehow.

But Steve wasn’t finished. “Everyone I know… everyone I love… is dead.” His voice caught on the last word and he promptly turned away from her.

Darcy didn’t see because she was looking away as well, subtly trying to swipe the tears from her eyes before they splashed out. Her throat was dry, her eyes stung and her lungs burned from holding it all in. The ever rising lump in her throat wasn’t helping. She had to have some liquid now!

“Water,” she gasped, springing from the couch and walking fast to the refrigerator. She plucked a small water bottle from inside and dumped the entire contents of the bottle down her throat. She took large gulps and when the bottle was empty, Darcy found that she still did not feel any better.

She turned back around to find Steve standing by the open door, his shoulders slumped and hands in his pant pockets.

“You should go,” he said simply.

He didn’t need to tell her twice. It was well past their breakfast time. Plus, the house was suffocating her. She needed Jane, she needed a hug. She made the mistake of looking at Steve as she walked past him. He was looking at her but she knew that look by now. He wasn’t looking at her, not really. He had never truly looked at her. He was too caught up in his own painful past to see anything in the real world. The Steve she knew was just a ghost of a person, residing in that body. The adorable charm and the passion he supposedly had once was gone, lost somewhere in the pages of history just like his name.

She knew she shouldn’t have done it when she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, but she hadn’t been able to stop herself. He stiffened in her embrace but Darcy held on. She was not ready to show him her face yet. The burning in her eyes was a sure fire sign that they were terribly red and she couldn’t let him see how weak he made her. She had to be strong for him. She had to.

He did not hug her back but after a while, his body relaxed and she felt his head drop on her shoulder, exhaling softly into her hair. A bolt of electricity shot up her spine and she felt dirty for wanting him, for feeling like she was taking advantage of his current vulnerable state.

She carefully pulled out of their one-sided embrace and forced a smile onto her face. She wanted to tell him she was there for him, that she would help him get over his past if he just let her; she wanted to say she was willing to take Peggy’s place, be his perfect partner, protect him from the world, but for all the courage that Darcy possessed, she couldn’t utter a single word. Instead, she turned around and fled.

Jane was waiting for her when she returned and the sight of her was the catalyst that broke the dam. Darcy flew into her arms without explanation and everything that she had been holding in for the past few hours exploded out of her in the form of violent sobs. Jane had no idea what had upset her intern so much and Darcy was in no condition to tell her. She wept for hours, clutching Jane like a lifeline. She couldn’t get Steve’s words out of her head. _Everyone I know… everyone I love… is dead_. His tired eyes haunted her. She could feel his grief, understand him if she tried. After all, she didn’t have anyone but Jane either.

“Darcy, you’re scaring me.”

Jane’s voice was soft and cautious as she gently pushed Darcy back. Her eyes were wet. The astrophysicist had never been able to see anyone cry, she would cry along with them. At the sight, a fresh batch of hot tears rolled down Darcy’s cheeks. She couldn’t believe she had been so selfish. There was no need to worry Jane. Jane had her own problems to deal with.

“I’m sorry, Janey,” sniffed Darcy, wiping her face with the sleeve of her coat.

“What happened?”

Darcy wanted to tell Jane, she really did. But then she thought of Thor and what his departure had done to the scientist. It had been close to six months since New Mexico and Jane was still working on her rainbow bridge, her search for Thor taking precedence over everything. Darcy heard her crying at night sometimes, through the thin walls of their apartment. Jane did not deserve another tragedy, she deserved to be happy, and she deserved her demigod boyfriend back.

Darcy would keep Steve’s secret, at least for now.

Jane was still looking at her and Darcy quickly made up a lie. “I saw someone step on a dying pigeon today,” she said. “It was an accident but it was awful.”

Jane shot her a look of disbelief. “You expect me to believe that bullshit?”

Darcy shrugged, blowing her nose on Jane’s sleeve. The older woman shrieked and jerked her arm away in disgust. “Seriously?”

“I don’t have a tissue.”

Jane sighed. “Darcy, tell me what happened.”

“I was walking down the road and there was a pigeon. It was alone and bleeding, and I –”

“If you don’t want to tell me, fine. Don’t spout nonsense about dying pigeons,” Jane cut her off angrily. She pointed at Darcy’s messed up form. “Look in the mirror, Darcy. I have never – and I mean never – seen you like this. Something is seriously wrong and you aren’t telling me.” She paused, before whispering, “And I’m scared.”

Darcy stared at her, aware that Jane wasn’t just talking about Darcy crying in her arms. Her concerns ran deep. The two women had no one but each other to stay sane, to survive. If one fell apart, the other would, too. So far, Jane had been the only one to fall apart and Darcy had been there to pick up the pieces. But if Darcy broke, was Jane ready for the role reversal?

“Jane,” she said, scooting closer to her friend and taking her hand. “I can’t tell you what happened,” Jane looked ready to protest but Darcy shook her head and continued determinedly, “Not right now. But please, please know that I am… that I will be fine.”

Jane narrowed her eyes. She did not look convinced but Darcy’s calm tone must have soothed her because, after a while, she sighed and asked uncertainly, “Are you sure?”

Darcy nodded her affirmation.

“And you’ll tell me if it’s something dangerous or life-threatening, right?”

Darcy was amused. “Yes, Jane.”

“So it’s not something dangerous or life-threatening?”

“No.”

“Is it something big and magical?”

Jane must have been thinking about Thor but she had no idea how close she had come to guessing the truth. Darcy was in no condition to have Steve’s name come up again. Not for a few more hours. So she laughed and said, “You wish,” and then let Jane push her into the shower.

When she went to the park the next morning, Steve was there, meditating by their tree.

Their routine continued as if nothing had happened. Neither mentioned the other night to each other. Steve didn’t want to talk about it and Darcy was too invested in exercising some self-preservation to mention anything. Breakfast soon moved to Steve’s place. Darcy was in charge of pancakes, waffles and juices – in short, everything sweet and tangy – and Steve was in charge egg recipes and sandwiches. He could make amazing things with eggs. Darcy couldn’t get enough of his Indian cheese omelets.

She tried to make him watch movies but he wasn’t interested. She volunteered to teach him how to use a computer but he accidentally broke the keyboard and stayed away after that. She asked him if he wanted to go sightseeing – Brooklyn had changed a lot since his time – but he gave her some lame excuse that she took to mean that he wasn’t ready yet. Not ready for the wave of memories that hit him every time he saw something that reminded him of home. Not ready to let go of his past life. Not ready for the 21st century.

It was heartbreaking to see him like this. He was clearly unhappy in his little shell but he refused to break it. Darcy had given up on trying to make him laugh. Her pop culture references went over his head and she had long ago decided that her sarcasm would probably offend him. They never had a lot of fun but Darcy liked to believe that he at least liked her company. She didn’t know if he even considered her his friend but she had reached a point where it physically hurt to not see him every day. The only time of the day they spent together were mornings, then Darcy would leave for work and Steve would go to the gym (he spent most of his time in gym) but Steve still managed to dominate her thoughts throughout the day. Whenever she was not working or taking care of Jane, she would be thinking about Steve, worrying about him, deciding what she would make him for breakfast the next day, wondering what his lips would feel like on her skin –

“Darcy!” She looked up to find Jane glaring at her. “Are you listening to me? You’ve been stabbing that piece of chicken for too long.”

Darcy looked down at her plate and sighed. “Oops. What were you saying?”

Jane huffed. “Lunch time’s over. Back to work.”

Darcy blinked and looked at Jane’s empty plate. “Really? What did you eat?”

“I don’t know,” Jane mumbled in shame. “Whatever you gave me. I was kinda busy… but I swear I ate it all.”

Darcy nodded. She remembered placing a meat pie and a cup of coffee in front of Jane before retreating in her corner to eat her chicken. She looked down at her mangled chicken legs and got up. She wasn’t hungry anymore. Dumping the contents of her plate in the trashcan, she followed Jane back to the star charts.

She really needed to get a handle on her thoughts. She knew if she did not control herself now, she would fall truly hard. Considering the rash, adventure-filled life Darcy had lived, this did not bode well with her. Jane, Erik and their work was her whole life. She could not afford to let a person like Steve take up this much space in her mind. Because it hurt that he would never worry about her like she did for him, that he would never want her like she wanted him. He was set to break her heart and yet she could not imagine herself letting him go. Steve needed her, even if he didn’t know it yet.

He had been looking tired and withdrawn as of late. He never told her but Darcy guessed he was regularly having nightmares. She had tried to ask him about them but her courage deserted her whenever Steve was around. She was constantly afraid that something would tick him off and he would go off the bender and then he would never get well, never be happy again and always be bitter towards life. Darcy couldn’t imagine a life like that for Steve. He had been given another chance and she would be damned if he wasted it moping around for the rest of his life.

That weekend, Jane decided they should visit Erik. Darcy missed Erik but she had been planning to go to Steve’s that evening. Check up on him and see if he had been eating properly. He forgot to eat sometimes, an idea that was suspicious in itself as Steve had a big appetite. She tried very hard to cook up a believable lie that would excuse her from accompanying Jane to the S.H.I.E.L.D. labs but Jane would have none of her excuses.

“We haven’t seen him since his birthday, Darcy,” argued Jane.

Darcy gave up, because Jane was right and because if she tried any more excuses, Jane would grow suspicious. The astrophysicist knew Darcy had met her hunky friend again but she had no idea they spent their mornings together. Jane would totally want to meet him and Darcy knew that once she did, her smart little tornado chaser would immediately put two and two together and understand Darcy’s dilemma. Because while Darcy was very good at hiding her emotions during the day, Steve’s entire personality oozed of army training and the pain of lost love.

The S.H.I.E.L.D. labs were clean, enormous and rather dimly lit – more than half the facility was underground. Both women stared around in awe when Erik greeted them at the doors and led them in. They discovered a stranger couldn’t just walk into the S.H.I.E.L.D. facility. Each and every employee had a security clearance that allowed them entry to certain floors and stopped them when they tried to enter sections they didn’t have clearance for. Darcy guessed Erik’s security clearance was pretty high because he took them deep into the facility, chattering about the pros of working for an organization such as S.H.I.E.L.D.

“... and here’s my lab space,” Erik said, showing them into a spacious white room filled with lots of tech that Darcy had no idea about. “The medical center is next door. It’s mostly unused, except that one time when Tony Stark visited and managed to explode half the labs two floors below.”

“You’ve met Iron Man?” Darcy exclaimed, immediately pouncing on Erik for more details. “What’s he like? Is he as funny as he is on T.V.? Do you think he’ll adopt me if I ask nicely?”

“Er,” said Erik, looking unsure. “You’ll have to ask him, Darcy. We didn’t talk much. He was here for a demonstration.” He raised his eyebrows at them. “Quite a demonstration, if you ask me.”

Darcy giggled. “So you –” she began but Erik cut her off, apparently wanting to share information about his latest project with Jane.

“Director Fury himself brought it to me. It’s a – well, I can’t really tell you what it is. I mean, you won’t believe it until you see it...”

“What is it, Erik?” Jane asked excitedly. Darcy could almost see her neurons firing in anticipation.

“I’ve been working on this project for the past months, Jane. It’s… um… tiring, but it’s also,” he paused, trying to contain his excitement and not blurt out everything like a school child. “It’s bigger than Thor, Jane. It’s... I don’t know. But I’m certain that it’ll be a huge help in your…” Darcy rolled her eyes, “… of the Einstein-Rosen bridge...” She pretended to fall asleep on Jane’s shoulder, “… some kind of form of energy…”

Darcy’s attention began to wander. Once these two started talking about rainbow bridges, there was no stopping them. She began to slowly back away, no more interested in their conversation as she was in watching paint dry. She stepped out of Erik’s lab and looked around. On her left was the elevator and on her right, the medical center. Below the golden font ‘S.H.I.E.L.D. Medical Center’, someone had hastily scrawled the words ‘Stark was here’ in red marker pen.

Darcy grinned and walked up to the open door. She cast a furtive glance up and down the corridor before peeking inside. The room was big and housed eight four poster beds in rows of four. One of the beds was occupied, the patient sitting cross-legged on the sheets, staring silently out of the window. It was a fake view since they were underground. The room was a notch darker than the rest of the facility but it wasn’t so dark that Darcy wouldn’t recognize the broad shoulders, the straight spine and the neat flop of hair.

Her breath caught in her throat. “S-Steve?”

He looked over, peering towards the doorway, trying to make out her form. “Darcy?”

She stepped inside, moving closer to the bed he was sitting on.

“What are you doing here?” They asked each other at the same time.

Darcy answered first. “I came with Jane. You know Dr. Selvig next door?” He shrugged indifferently. “He’s our friend.”

“Oh.” His eyes flickered to the window again. He looked pale and drawn. When she had realized it was Steve on the bed, she had immediately feared the worse. But he looked okay. Just very tired.

She settled on the edge of his bed and asked softly, “Why are you here, Steve?”

“Can’t sleep.”

“They gave you sleeping pills?” Darcy prodded.

He nodded and waved a hand towards his bedside table. There was an empty pack of medicine on it. Darcy leaned forward to see the name on the pack. Her eyes widened.

“You took all of them?” she asked.

He shook his head. “I’ve been coming here for a couple of nights,” he informed her. “I took two half an hour ago.”

Darcy gaped at him. “And you’re still sitting?” He should have passed out by now.

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face and the sarcasm in it wasn’t lost on Darcy. “I’m a bit immune to certain drugs.”

Not knowing what to say, she regarded him silently. His eyes, though red-rimmed and surrounded by dark circles, were alert. The skin over his knuckles was stretched and white as he clutched his knees, his thumbs tapping restlessly against the thin material of his pants. She couldn’t even begin to understand his frustration at the situation. She had believed he was having nightmares. But the truth was, Steve couldn’t sleep at all.

“Did you talk to the doctors? There has to be some way to cure insomnia,” she insisted before adding, “in super soldiers.”

He gestured to the pack of pills. “They keep giving me stronger stuff and I keep taking it but... my metabolism works a little faster than they expected.” A huge yawn escaped him, causing his eyes to water. He made a noise of frustration and wiped at his eyes. “Utterly exhausted, but can’t sleep.” His shoulders drooped a bit after another big yawn. “Wish Erskine could see me now.”

A wave of sorrow washed over Darcy. He looked so pitiful that she was certain anyone who saw him now would want to help him. But who could, if expert doctors couldn’t?

“How’s... uh... how’s Jane?” His voice cut through her thoughts and she realized she had been quiet for too long.

“Good. Still searching for her rainbow bridge,” she replied. Despite his obvious involvement with S.H.I.E.L.D., Darcy hadn’t told Steve about Thor. She had signed a significant amount of NDAs after New Mexico to be rightfully afraid of breaking those agreements. Besides, she had an inexplicable feeling he would meet Thor soon. Maybe they would become good friends. They were similar in so many ways. Both big and blonde, both out of this time.

“I forgot what a rainbow bridge is,” mumbled Steve.

“It’s a portal... a portal to another world.”

“Back in time?”

“No, Steve. I don’t think that’s possible.”

He nodded, looking down. “Of course it isn’t.”

There was a long pause in which Steve stared out of the window with a bit of a dull expression on his face. Darcy knew he was tempted to end this conversation but was too polite to say anything. If he gave the excuse of going to bed, it would be a lie and they would both know it. Darcy debated about what to do. Should she leave him? He clearly didn’t want company. Or should she stay and take his mind off things? He could use a distraction, couldn’t he?

Her decision was made for her when Jane poked her head in. “Darcy, are you here?”

Both Steve and Darcy jumped at the new voice.

Darcy stood up, ready to push Jane out but before she could take any action to salvage the situation, Jane stepped in, her eyes flicking between Steve and Darcy.

“Who’s this?” she asked curiously.

Darcy sighed in defeat. “This is Steve. Steve, this is Dr. Jane Foster.” Jane always stood a little taller when introduced with the doctorate before her name.

Steve nodded wearily. “Nice to meet you, ma’am.”

It was as if a switch went off in Jane’s head. “Ma’am?” she whispered, and Darcy remembered telling her how he had called her ma’am the first couple of times they had met.

Now she regretted telling Jane anything.

Steve looked confused and slightly uncomfortable at Jane’s unabashed staring. “Are you sick?” she asked.

“He can’t sleep,” replied Darcy before Steve could open his mouth. “Let’s just go, Jane. I’m ready to go.”

But Jane stood very still, her eyes flying to Darcy, then Steve and back to Darcy. She gave her intern a hard look. “Is he the one who stepped on your pigeon?” Her tone was light, almost joking if Darcy let herself believe it, but the underlying meaning in Jane’s words wasn’t lost on her.

Fear spiked in her gut as Jane leveled a gaze with her. Without warning, Darcy’s eyes filled with tears and she blinked.

“Jane, please,” she begged, her voice slightly shaky.

She chanced a glance at Steve, who was watching the two women with a frown on his face. He couldn’t know. Not like this. He would never be able to comprehend how utterly invested she was in his life, his happiness and he didn’t deserve the guilt of knowing that he would never feel the same way.

She implored Jane with her eyes. _Please don’t say anything. Please don’t ruin it. He doesn’t know._ “Jane, let’s go,” she said out loud, grateful that her voice was steady.

Maybe Jane understood, maybe she didn’t. But she nodded anyway, and waved half-heartedly at Steve before marching jerkily out of the room. Darcy looked after her in apprehension. Hell awaited her outside this door.

Steve was looking at her, perhaps waiting for an explanation for Jane’s behavior. Darcy offered none. She tried to smile at him but she knew it came out all wrong when Steve’s frown deepened.

“See you in the morning?” she asked softly.

He regarded her for a few moments, and then another yawn escaped him. “Sure... yeah,” he mumbled.

Darcy hurried out of the medical center to find Jane and Erik standing in the elevator, holding it open for her. Erik was fiddling with a piece of technology that Darcy had never seen before and Jane wouldn’t look at her when she entered. Darcy knew Jane was angry but she thankfully did not say anything until they had left the facility and were already halfway home.

“He made you cry.” Her voice was soft but her tone set a block of ice in Darcy’s stomach.

“Jane –” she said placatingly.

“No,” cried Jane. “ _You_ don’t know. _You_ didn’t see yourself that day, Darcy. I was the one soothing you and trying to... when you... when you...”

Jane’s voice broke and she stopped walking. Darcy stood beside her, watching her sadly. Jane was right. Darcy had no idea how she felt. She couldn’t even imagine the things going through Jane’s mind when Darcy had been heaving sobs in her arms. Darcy remembered how she had been feeling that day when Steve had told her the truth about himself but how had Jane felt when Darcy had relieved herself before her but refused to tell her why? Darcy felt sorry for her friend.

“Jane, I’m sorry,” she said, translating her thoughts into words. “I really am.”

Jane sniffed and shook her head, glaring at her. “Have you been seeing him?” she asked.

Darcy nodded. “Most mornings.”

“Are you in love with him?”

Darcy looked away. Was she in love with Steve? Was what she felt for him love? Did she even know him at all to fall for him?

She was not ready to answer these questions yet.

Jane spoke softly, “Does he know? Does he know about that day? Does he know that you –”

“No,” Darcy said before she could complete her question. “And I’d like it that way.”

She started walking and Jane followed persistently. “Why, Darcy? What happened between you two? Why can’t you tell him?”

They reached their apartment and Darcy pulled out the key, unlocking the door and swiftly walking in. Jane followed, still speaking.

“Just why can’t you tell him, Darcy? What happened that you have to –”

Darcy whirled around, her face red and her eyes brimming with angry tears. “Because he’s in love with someone else,” she screamed. Jane looked shocked at her outburst. Darcy swiped at her eyes in frustration. What was Steve doing to her? Couldn’t she have one conversation without falling apart?

“She’s dead but... it doesn’t matter,” she continued with a bitter laugh, hate towards Peggy Carter swirling in her stomach. She felt ashamed of herself – she was jealous of a dead person. “He’ll never get over her.”

“Oh, Darcy,” Jane said, coming over and enveloping Darcy in her arms. “Of course he will. Everyone does.”

Darcy pushed away and shook her head resolutely. “He won’t. He’s not... he’s not from this time, Jane,” she whispered. “It’s him – Captain America.”

“Who?”

In retrospect, telling Jane about Steve Rogers was a boon. She could never completely understand how Darcy felt but she made an effort. Jane knew what it felt like not having someone you loved. Granted, both their situations were different – Thor loved Jane back – but Darcy and Jane were there for each other and they protected each other and Darcy knew that when the time would come – and she knew it would – that Jane would be there to protect her.

 

A week later, Darcy opened the door of their lab to find Steve standing outside, his hair a mess and his eyes desperate.

“Steve, what’s wrong?” Darcy asked, immediately inviting him inside.

He was carrying a file in one hand that he wordlessly handed to her. Darcy read the name on the file – Agent Margaret Carter. She looked up at Steve in confusion. Why was he showing her Peggy’s file?

“She’s alive, Darcy,” whispered Steve. “Peggy’s alive.”

Darcy stared at him in disbelief. How was that possible? The woman must be in her 90s. She firmly ignored all the thoughts and doubts she had about this revelation and concentrated on Steve and what he wanted.

“Fury gave me a bunch of files after I came out,” he said, a little out of breath, a little shocked. “The Howling Commandos and Howard Stark and... but I never could open Peggy’s file.”

Darcy could feel rather than see Jane peering over the top of her computer, listening in on their conversation.

“All these months and I had no idea,” continued Steve, running a shaky hand through his hair, making it messier. “What do I do, Darcy? I don’t know what to do!”

“Steve,” she began.

“What do I do?” he repeated forcefully, looking slightly crazed.

“Come here,” Darcy said, leading him to her seat and pushing him down. She knelt down on the floor before him, resting her arms on his thighs.

He looked down at with wet eyes, his gaze pleading her to make this decision for him.

Darcy took a deep breath, preparing herself to do the right thing. Steve had come to her for a reason. She had to be unbiased.

“What do _you_ want to do, Steve?” she asked him calmly. “Do you want to call her?”

He seemed to consider it. “I... I don’t know.”

She could tell he was frustrated at his own uncertainty.

“She’ll be happy to see you.”

A loud, pointed cough sounded from behind Jane’s computer. Darcy ignored it.

“She will want to know you’re alive,” she continued, watching Steve for a reaction.

He sat there, staring into space, no doubt lost in his memories of Peggy. She tried to imagine what he must be feeling right now. The love of his life was alive but from what Darcy could tell, she had married, lived her life and would soon be on her way to the next great adventure. How could someone deal with that news? Was it good news or bad?

“I can’t.” His voice was soft and barely audible but she heard it. “I don’t think I can handle seeing her like that. She... she had a husband, Darcy. And she has kids!” He tiredly rubbed his eyes, focusing his gaze on Darcy again. “She’s happy. I can’t just show up and... I couldn’t do that to her.”

Darcy nodded in agreement. If she felt a slight thrill of satisfaction at his refusal to see Peggy, she ignored it. “Okay, yeah, decision made,” she announced with a small smile. “You go see her whenever you’re ready.”

“What if she dies before that?” he wondered glumly.

“She won’t.”

“How do you know?”

Darcy tilted her head and shot him a look. “The universe can’t be that cruel,” she said firmly.

Releasing a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding, Steve sat up straight, looking as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders.

He nodded. “Yeah... yeah, you’re right.”

He sat there for a few more minutes, peering over Darcy’s shoulder as she skimmed through Peggy’s file. Then Jane called Darcy for help and Steve took his leave. She walked him to the door and waited patiently as he opened and closed his mouth, attempting to tell her what was on his mind.

Then he did something he had never done before. He bent down and hugged her, lightly wrapping his arms around her shoulders. Darcy bit back a gasp. In all their time together, Steve had never initiated any physical contact unless absolutely necessary. He never even hugged her back whenever she hugged him. She had long ago decided that he didn’t like it when anyone touched him. Or maybe he just wasn’t ready for physical contact yet.

But here he was, wrapped around her, breathing gently in her hair, making her feel like this here – standing there with him in the lab – was where she belonged. Her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest and her entire body tingled with tiny sparks of electricity. Her hands fisted into his shirt and she resisted the painful urge to pull him closer, to have him flush against her like she really wanted.

She bit back a moan when he pulled away, cupping her cheek and murmuring a soft ‘thank you’ before walking out.

Jane gave her a look when she went back in. Darcy sighed, a sudden and inexplicable feeling of weariness making her head hurt. “Don’t start,” she begged, picking up a random data sheet and pretending to study it.

Steve seemed all right the next day. He even spared Darcy a smile when they said their goodbyes after breakfast. She would be happy with the progress but, as the weeks passed, his dark circles grew more and more prominent and Darcy worried he would lose his mind if he didn’t get some sleep soon. She scoured the internet for solutions, consulted several doctors, even tried to get in touch with Director Fury with the demand that he help Steve with this one thing. Fury was obviously unavailable and one find day, her rage and defeat got the best of her when she realized that she hadn’t been able to find a single cure to Steve’s insomnia.

She lobbed a shoe at the wall. Then another shoe. Then a book, a lamp, her iPod –

“Darcy, stop it!” Jane shouted, grabbing the younger woman’s shoulders and shaking her. “Please calm down.”

She tried to push Jane away but the astrophysicist was surprisingly strong for a tiny person. “Darcy,” she said again, looking her in the eye. “Breathe with me.” Darcy looked at Jane, gritting her teeth and reluctantly obeying her friend.

_Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, and breathe out._

“Let go,” she told Jane, her tone annoyed but her mind seemed to have calmed a bit.

“You won’t throw more things at the wall, will you?”

Darcy shook her head tiredly. Jane maintained eye contact as she stepped back cautiously, watching Darcy for any hint of a crazy behavior. Darcy rolled her eyes before plopping down resignedly on the couch.

“I can’t see him like this,” she whispered. “It’s killing me.”

Jane sat down beside her. “Don’t give up now, Darcy. We’ll figure something out.”

“When, after he’s lost his mind from lack of sleep?” Darcy said with a snort.

“That’s not going to happen.”

It was the way she said it that made Darcy look up. “What do you mean?”

Jane looked thoughtful, as if she was debating whether to share her information with Darcy or not. “I’m not sure,” she began but stopped and changed tune after seeing Darcy’s hopeful expression, “I think I may know someone who may be able to help.”

Jane’s someone was an old lady who ran an herbal shop in the city. The shop was small and dark and the lady, full of wrinkles and unwanted advice. Darcy glared at Jane as they stood at the counter, waiting for the old lady to get their remedy.

“Seriously? This run down place?” hissed Darcy.

“Shut up. It could work,” said Jane. “This is the only thing Steve hasn’t tried. What harm could it do?”

“Hope, Jane,” said Darcy. “It will give us false hope. It’s harmful.”

Jane pursed her lips in disapproval. “It could work,” she repeated insistently.

Darcy shook her head, rubbing her eyes tiredly. Jane was right, of course, but Darcy couldn’t help but feel that everything she had been doing for Steve was for nothing. That he would either die from depression and insomnia (an invalid fear because Steve couldn’t die, not yet… he was a super soldier, goddammit!) or he would leave her one day for one reason or the other.

The worse thing about it was that her fear came true.

Director Fury visited Steve in the gym the same day that Jane got a call from an observatory in Tromsø.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	3. You Don't Leave Your Friends Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a few dialogues that I took from the MCU wiki which I consider canon for the purpose of this story.
> 
> Thank you for reading.

Darcy sat at the table in Steve’s kitchen, silently listening to him tell her to encourage Jane to take the offer in Tromsø. He was angry, she could see. His movements were jerky, his voice hard and there was a permanent scowl attached to his face as he spoke. When Darcy had come to his house an hour ago, he had been going through some files that he informed her was a ‘debriefing package’ from S.H.I.E.L.D. He wouldn’t tell what was in the package – Darcy understood the information was classified – but he managed to tell her, in his own careful way, that shit was going to hit the fan and soon.

There was a pregnant pause following which he burst out furiously, “They should have left it in the ocean where it belonged!”

“Who should have left what in the ocean?”

He shook his head and slapped a hand to his face, clearly frustrated. “Just take Jane and go, Darcy. I don’t know what’s going to happen but I have a feeling it’s going to be dirty.”

Darcy gulped and nodded. She understood the seriousness of the situation, she truly did. But she couldn’t just leave Steve behind, alone to fend for himself. What if he got hurt or worse…? Darcy blinked and shook herself. She couldn’t think about that. She had to be positive. She had to believe that Steve was capable of all those things that the comics said he was. She had to believe that he would return from whatever this was safe and sound.

“All right,” she said. “I’ll tell Jane to take the offer. I mean, it can’t be a coincidence, right?”

The look of obvious relief on Steve’s face made her gut twist. “So you’ll leave?” he asked hopefully.

Darcy tried to tell herself that he didn’t need her there, that he would only be worried about her safety if she was around. That’s why he was telling her to go away, because he wanted to keep her safe and away from the fight.

“Yeah, we’ll leave.”

She left with a heavy heart, but not before giving him the herbal remedy for insomnia she had brought for him and then wrapping herself around Steve unabashedly. He had to know. He had to know that she cared, that she thought of him as more than a friend. He had to have guessed by now… Darcy was sure she had slipped up so many times that he had to have noticed.

He hugged her back and for that, she was grateful. She wouldn’t have been able to leave with a half hug.

Jane and Darcy left for Tromsø the very next day. It hadn’t been hard to convince Jane to take the job. The labs were excellent, the money was good and the cherry on the cake was that they were going by a private plane. Jane was beyond excited. Darcy tried to imbibe some of her excitement, trying to act like she had no idea that this trip was a farce. As long as Jane was happy, Darcy was happy.

Their happiness, however, didn’t last very long.

Their first two days in Tromsø were an utter waste of time and Jane was quick to sense that something was wrong. They had no work to do, no space to work in, no information to work on and all this caused Jane’s frustration and anger to mount. On the second day, she demanded to know why they had hired her because the two women didn’t seem to have any purpose in these labs. No one could give her a clear answer, an act of stupidity on part of the scientists that caused Darcy to break into their control room, hack into their firewall and the access the information that was being kept from them.

When Jane saw the footage of the battle going on in New York, she clutched Darcy’s shoulder and hyperventilated for a good ten minutes. Darcy herself was having a hard time believing some of the things they were seeing on the screen.

“What in the hell?” she mumbled, running a soothing hand down Jane’s back.

“Darcy, is that… is that…?”

Darcy looked at Jane’s wide eyes and then back at the computer, squinting to see what Jane was seeing. Sure enough, a bolt of lightning followed by a red blur zooming past confirmed that Thor was on Earth; to be specific, in New York fighting the battle with what the news channels were calling ‘The Avengers.’ Steve, it seemed, was an Avenger now. He was in his Captain America uniform but Darcy recognized him immediately. He was fighting on the ground alongside a red haired woman, while Thor was airborne trying to electrocute the _things_ pouring in from the portal in the sky.

“Aliens, Jane, those are aliens.”

Darcy felt shell-shocked. Sure, Thor was an alien and Darcy had faced the Destroyer in New Mexico but this was something else entirely. An army of aliens was attacking the Earth and five humans plus one demigod alone were trying to fight them off. How was this fair? How was this possible? Since when had the world become so vulnerable?

She watched as Steve disappeared inside a building, only to be thrown out a few minutes later, landing hard on a car. Darcy gasped and slapped a hand to her mouth. The footage was grainy and flickered a lot but she could make out that Steve had been unmasked. He stood there in the rubble, looking at the destruction surrounding him. _Oh, Steve_ , she thought, wishing she could somehow convey to him that he was doing okay, more than okay, and that she was proud of him.

Jane stood behind her, clutching the back of Darcy’s chair, her knuckles white and her mouth open in a silent scream. She didn’t even notice when a scientist and a security guard barged in and attempted to remove them from the control room.

“You’re not supposed to have access to that.”

Darcy replied without turning around, her gaze fixed on Steve. “Why, because of your little firewall and security protocols? How lame do you think we are?”

“Ma’am,” he began, his voice patient, but Darcy stood up to face him.

“Listen, buster, there’s only one person who’s allowed to call me _ma’am_ and you’re not him, so back off before I use my taser on you,” she warned, “and mind you, I will.”

Jane and Darcy stayed in the control room till the battle was over and Tony Stark had saved the country from nuclear annihilation. Later, Darcy helped Jane put on her coat and gloves before wrapping an arm around her and taking her shivering body back to the hotel. Their hotel room was small and warm, and the two women sat close together in the dark, trying to comprehend the scene they had witnessed on the computer that day. Jane was still shivering and Darcy couldn’t get that image of Steve out of her head, the one where he stood in the rubble, looking dazed and lost.

Sleep didn’t come by easily. Jane fell asleep at around five in the morning but Darcy stayed awake, her eyes drooping but her body restless. She wondered if this was how Steve felt. It was just _one_ night for Darcy. Steve, on the other hand, suffered every night. She wondered if he had taken the herbal medicine she had given him. It would be great if the remedy actually worked. Maybe proper sleep would improve his mood… he could be happy again…

“Darcy, wake up.”

Jane’s voice reached her sleep addled brain and Darcy groaned, burying her face into the sheets stubbornly.

“Darcy, come on, we have a flight to catch.”

“But I just slept,” mumbled Darcy, trying to peek an eye open. Both her eyelids were glued shut. “What time is it?”

“Does it matter? All you need to know is that our plane leaves for New York in an hour,” Jane informed her, “Unless you want to stay in Tromsø.” Darcy could hear her moving around and she correctly assumed that Jane was packing everything up.

Cursing under her breath, Darcy stumbled her way into the bathroom. She splashed water on her face and gently tried to peel her eyes open. They looked red and swollen and upsetting. Jane took one look at her and her face fell.

“Gosh, did you sleep at all?” she asked, stepping closer to peer at Darcy’s eyes.

“I couldn’t,” replied Darcy pitifully.

Jane bit her lip and Darcy knew what she wanted to say, she wanted Darcy not to worry too much. But if she said that, Jane would be one to talk. The scientist was worried sick about Thor and her concern was morphing into determination as she placed their now packed bags by the door and raised her eyebrows at Darcy.

“You need to change.”

“Wait just a minute. The flights are working? The airspace is open?”

“I don’t know,” said Jane, throwing Darcy a t-shirt and jeans which she quickly changed into. “I demanded for a private plane. I couldn’t reach Coulson’s phone but I swear to God when we reach New York, I’m going to give him a piece of my mind… tricking us into leaving the city!”

“Jane, S.H.I.E.L.D. is trying to keep you safe. How do you think Thor would have felt if you had still been in the city and somehow gotten hurt?”

“Well, yeah… but still.” Jane fumbled around for a bit, searching for words, then shook her head. “No, Thor needs me and I have to be there for him.”

It was clear that Jane just wanted to get to Thor – the guy had returned after a year! Obviously Jane wanted to see him, maybe throw a few well-aimed punches at his pretty face; and Darcy wanted to remind her that Thor was a God and was probably fine but Darcy was worried about Steve as well and she couldn’t wait to leave Tromsø and get back to New York. So she kept her thoughts to herself and instead asked Jane who she had talked to, if not Coulson.

“Some woman named Agent Hill,” replied Jane.

“Bet she’s someone important, if she got us a private plane.”

Jane nodded. “She sounded very tired though.”

Their plane was waiting for them at the airport. It took off as soon as both women settled in. They tried to pass their time doing crossword puzzles and playing twenty questions, trying to keep themselves distracted, to not worry too much; but eventually, they grew tired of games and their conversation drifted to the battle and, consequently, to the two men in their lives.

“I just hope he’s not terribly hurt, you know,” Darcy was saying. “I mean, it looks like Stark got the worst deal out of the six, but we saw Steve get knocked down quite a few times.” She did not say how her gut twisted and her throat clogged up every time he got kicked or punched or took a fall.

“Darcy, you can’t say Stark got the worse deal. I mean, try to imagine how Thor must be feeling. His own brother tried to kill off humanity!” reasoned Jane.

“Stark carried a missile through a portal and almost didn’t make it!” argued Darcy. “And Loki? He’s evil, Jane. He tried to kill us before, remember?”

“Yeah,” murmured Jane, looking down and restlessly fiddling with her thumbs. “I just… I don’t understand why Thor hasn’t tried to contact me yet. He could have – I don’t know – flown to Tromsø or something when he found out…”

“Jane…”

“Or called from Coulson’s phone or Hill’s phone.”

“Jane.”

“He has to know I’m worried about him.”

“Of course he knows, Jane. But the guy fought a horde of big, dangerous alien creatures yesterday. Cut him some slack. He’s probably still sleeping, tired from all the ass-kicking.”

“Yeah,” Jane said absently, looking away. “Yeah.” She didn’t sound very convinced. How could she? The woman had spent a year trying to build an intergalactic portal to bring Thor back and when he had finally returned, it had been to fight in a battle and Jane hadn’t been there. Night had fallen, an entire day had passed and there was no news from him. Of course Jane was hurt.

“Did you call Erik?”

“Several times.”

“No answer?” At Jane’s troubled nod, Darcy asked, “You think S.H.I.E.L.D. moved him too?”

“Yes, but I have no clue where.”

“I wonder why they didn’t just send him to Tromsø with us,” said Darcy. “Doesn’t it seem weird that they would separate us like that?”

“Well, we kind of _have_ been separated from Erik, Darcy,” Jane pointed out. “He got recruited, didn’t he? Have you never wondered where he disappears to for months on end?”

Darcy raised her eyebrows. Of course she had. Erik was not very good at lying or keeping information. Sure, he had managed to keep from them what he had been working on for the past year but he had tried to tell Jane once, hadn’t he? He had been excited.

“You don’t think…” Darcy began.

Jane nodded. “I think he knew this was going to happen. He was talking about a power source or something, remember?” She rolled her eyes at Darcy’s uninterested shrug. “He wouldn’t tell me what he was working on but clearly, he did something right… because the portal through which the aliens came through, that portal could only be opened –”

“By some kind of cosmic energy force?” finished Darcy.

“Bingo,” said Jane, nodding vigorously. “So maybe Erik’s life was in danger, which could be one reason why they moved him elsewhere. Maybe S.H.I.E.L.D. has a secret facility away from here or something.”

“Maybe that’s where Erik really works,” Darcy said with a raise of her eyebrows. “New York could just be a farce.”

Jane looked upset. “Could be.”

“Or not,” Darcy said immediately. “We’re just speculating here, Jane.”

“I know… I just.” She took a deep breath. “I know.”

She smiled a small smile that Darcy half-heartedly returned.

Just then, the pilot’s voice came through, a clipped monotone announcing that they had reached.

It was the middle of the night. The city was eerily quiet as they rode the cab to their apartment. They were going extremely slow as there was rubble everywhere. Darcy’s eyes widened with mingled shock and disbelief at the sheer amount of devastation the city had gone through in one day. Entire buildings had gone down, bridges had collapsed. “Jane,” she breathed, her mouth opening and closing but no words coming out.

There were so many emotions warring for dominance in her head at the sight – anger, anxiety, fear, concern and disbelief among others. Observing the battle on a computer screen from far away was one thing but seeing this now, witnessing the result of the horror the people of the city must have gone through after the invasion was another thing entirely. A wave of cold fear washed over Darcy and she grabbed Jane’s hand, clutching it tightly.

She had to see Steve now. She felt like she would die if she didn’t see his face, didn’t make sure that he was all right.

Their cab suddenly came to a stop. “Sorry ladies, looks like you’re gonna have to make it from here,” the driver said, gesturing towards the pile of debris blocking the road ahead. Their house was just beyond that pile.

“Thank you,” Jane said, paying him. Her voice was hoarse but Darcy refused to look at her as she hefted her bag onto her shoulders. She was not going to break down. She was not going to cry. It was her new mantra – No crying. Be strong.

Jane and Darcy held onto each other’s hands as they carefully climbed atop the huge pile of debris and looked around in distress.

“Oh my God!” whispered Jane.

“Where’s… where’s our…” stammered Darcy, her eyes flicking around frantically taking in the wreckage before them.

“Oh my God,” Jane repeated, bringing a shaking hand to cover her mouth. “Darcy…”

In the place of their apartment, there were just ruins. Their house had been destroyed.

“It’s gone. Our house is gone and I don’t – Darcy, the lab!”

Both women looked at each other in alarm. The lab held all the equations that Jane had ever worked on, all the programs that Darcy had created for Jane’s data analysis and research, all their equipment and machinery required for their project, their entire life’s work. Without waiting for the other, both climbed down the pile and sprinted down the road in the direction of their lab.

It took them longer than usual to get to the lab but they made it in record time. The top of the building had collapsed and the door to the lab had fallen off its hinges. Jane hurried inside, Darcy on her heels.

“My computer!” cried Jane, running over to her table where her computer lay crushed by a piece of ceiling.

Darcy was relieved to see that her computer was still intact. Despite not having all of Jane’s research data, Darcy’s computer had enough to help her and Jane start over. Not that they needed to anymore – Thor was back and that’s what Jane’s mission had been from the start. Now that he was back, did Jane even want to continue her search for the Einstein-Rosen bridge?

The scientist in question was draped over one of her destroyed machines, crying silently. Darcy went up to her and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Let’s salvage what we can,” she offered. “Look, the spectrometer’s still standing, so is my computer and that – uh – thing over there looks alive as well.”

“That _thing_ is –”

“Never mind what it’s called,” said Darcy. “Let’s just take our stuff and leave, Jane.”

She pointed up and Jane looked up to see the sagging ceiling which looked like it could fall on them any minute. She wiped her eyes and nodded.

“You take your computer and I’ll take the spectrometer,” commanded Jane.

Darcy nodded, already on the job. “What about the _thing_?” she asked.

Jane heaved the spectrometer into her arms and stumbled out after Darcy. “We’ll come back for it later. Right now, I have to go to the facility. I have to –”

“I know,” interrupted Darcy. “Go. We’ll find each other.”

“Wait, you’re not coming with me?” Jane asked, confused.

Darcy gulped. “I have to see him.”

Jane understood immediately. She bit her lip worriedly but nodded. “Be careful,” was all she said before turning around and disappearing into the night.

Darcy adjusted her hold on the computer before heading off in the opposite direction. Steve’s house had always been a relatively long walk from midtown but with the extra weight in her arms and also from the bag on her shoulders, the house seemed a lot farther to Darcy than it was. By the time she reached, her breath was coming out in gasps and her arms hurt like a bitch – it seemed the computer had gotten heavier on the way there. As it were, Darcy was already feeling emotional, after having walked the distance to Steve’s house on foot through all that wreckage while balancing a computer in her arms. So when she saw Steve’s porch in the distance, she couldn’t stop the cry of relief that escaped her, and her eyes – still swollen and red – filled with tears.

She stumbled up the front steps, half bent at the waist, and knocked on Steve’s door with her foot. He opened it after the second loud kick, looking slightly disheveled and irritated about having to answer the door in the middle of the night. At the sight of her, his jaw dropped in surprise and the irritation was replaced with concern as Darcy swayed dangerously on the spot. He was quick to catch her when she fell into him.

“Gosh, Darcy,” he breathed, simultaneously pulling her in and lifting the computer from her arms, placing it carefully on the floor.

Darcy blinked back tears of exhaustion and relief as he held her at arm’s length, taking in her appearance. She realized she must look like quite a sight to him. Eyes red and puffy, lips chapped, hair standing on end and hands shaking from the pain of carrying the wretched piece of technology all the way to his house.

“You’re okay,” she croaked, running her hands down his torso. She remembered him taking a direct hit to the stomach. It had almost undone her, watching him fall like that. “You’re okay.”

“Of course, I’m okay,” he reassured her, gently pushing her down on the bed and kneeling before her on the floor, enveloping both of her hands in his and rubbing them to get the circulation back in her fingers. She gave him a tired but grateful smile.

“Good. I was worried.”

Steve shook his head, sitting up straighter and looking into her eyes. “Yes but – God, what happened to you?”

“Is that concern I hear in your voice?” She couldn’t help but throw in the half-hearted joke.

He was not to be swayed. He kept staring at her seriously until her lip trembled and a traitorous tear slid down her cheek. “Our apartment was destroyed,” she spoke softly, carefully. _No crying, be strong. No crying, be strong_. “We have nowhere to live.” _Be strong_.

“Oh no,” he murmured, his pitying tone fueling her distress.

“The lab is gone, too.” Her eyes fluttered shut and a few more tears sneaked out, unmindful of her ‘no crying’ mantra.

“I’m so sorry, Darcy.” He did sound sorry and when she opened her eyes, she found him looking at her in a way he had never looked at her before. Too bad for her, she wasn’t in any condition to pick apart that emotion. She had no idea what other thoughts were going through his mind but the foremost was probably to console her, judging by the way he kept massaging her aching arms.

The irony of the situation did not escape her notice. Here she was being comforted by Steve when she should be the one comforting him. He had fought off an alien invasion; it had to have taken a toll, done some damage. Despite his insistence that he was okay, Darcy needed to know that he was really, truly okay. Not just from the outside but from inside as well. There were so many things going on in her mind, so much fear, so much dismay, so many scenes of death and destruction circling in a constant loop in her head that her internal shock-absorbers were malfunctioning… to the point where she thought she would go over the edge if she did not focus her attention one thing.

Therefore her mind latched on to the reason that was, at that moment, easy enough to mourn – the loss of her apartment.

Steve had risen to sit beside her on the bed and was saying very nice things to her. “You can stay here. I can take the couch. You and Jane can sleep on the bed.” His soft murmurs both calmed and terrified her. She couldn’t stay with Steve. It would be punishment for her heart.

“… till S.H.I.E.L.D. can get you new boarding,” he was saying, “or just… as long as you want, Darcy. I wouldn’t mind at all.” He had not let go of her hands yet and Darcy was feeling trapped. Rationally, she understood that he was trying to be a good and courteous friend but her body betrayed her, making her feel that he wanted her to be close to him just like she wanted to be near him all the time. “It’s going to be fine, Darcy, I’ll talk to Hill myself if I have to.” And she felt terrible for even thinking that he would want her, but more so for thinking that she could delude herself into staying in Steve’s house with him.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts. She had more important things to worry about.

As if on cue, her phone rang. Steve offered to pick it up but seeing Jane’s name on the display, Darcy slid her thumb across the screen to answer. The moment Jane said her name, Darcy knew something was wrong. Jane’s voice was thick and raw and didn’t sound like her voice at all.

“Jane, what’s up?” Darcy said immediately.

“He’s gone, Darcy.” Something in her tone made Darcy go still. Jane continued, “Thor’s gone back to Asgard.” Beside her, she felt Steve stiffen, his grip on her hand tightening.

Darcy was having a hard time comprehending this turn of events. “What? Why?”

“He just left.” Jane’s voice came through, and it sounded so broken that Darcy’s heart went out to her. She was beginning to regret leaving Jane alone to deal with this.

“I’m coming to get you,” declared Darcy, standing up abruptly. Steve followed suit, shooting her an incredulous look which she steadfastly ignored. “Where are you? Are you at the facility?”

“No,” Steve mouthed, coming to stand before her. “Look at you. You’re in no condition to –”

Darcy turned away. “Jane? Talk to me.”

Soft sobs could be heard on the other end of the line. Darcy felt her gut twist painfully. She repeated Jane’s name.

“No,” the scientist said, as if she had forgotten she was on the phone with Darcy. “I’m fine, I’m with Erik.”

The mention of Erik’s name did little to calm her, although she was relieved to know that he was safe and alive and that he was there to take care of Jane until Darcy got there.

“Pass the phone to Erik, Jane,” she ordered gently.

Jane sniffed and Darcy heard a muffled shout in the background. “Erik can’t come to the phone. He’s not stable right now.”

Steve circled around to stand before her again, shaking his head frantically. Darcy felt like she was missing something; she had absolutely no clue what was going on and why Jane refused to hand the phone to Erik. She narrowed her eyes at Steve.

“Jane, what –”

“Just stay where you are, Darcy. Stay with Steve…”

“No…”

“Someone from the facility will drop me there in the morning.”

“But Jane…”

“I’ll be fine,” Jane assured her although she didn’t sound fine at all.

“Jane, wait!”

But Jane had already hung up.

Darcy let out a frustrated growl. “What the hell?” she cried, fixing her gaze on Steve. “What do you know?”

“Darcy, calm down.”

Darcy shook her head, an inexplicable rage making its way through her system. She tried to push Steve aside. “Move. I need to get to Jane.” He did not budge and when she tried to walk around him, he caught her arms. “Steve, let me go!”

“No, I won’t,” he said firmly. “I won’t let you go back out like this.”

“Then tell me what you know,” Darcy demanded. “Where’s Thor?”

The look he gave her confirmed what Jane had said. Thor had left. He hadn’t waited for Jane; he hadn’t called to tell he was leaving. He had just left. Darcy felt a scream bubble up inside her and when she spoke, her voice cracked.

“Why?”

“He had to take Loki back.”

She tried to understand Thor’s point of view, she really did. But then she asked, “Is he coming back?”

The uncertain expression on Steve’s face and his non-answer told her everything she needed to know.

Darcy unconsciously pushed him again. “Let me go, Steve, please. Jane is alone right now. She needs me.” She felt the familiar burning behind her eyes again and she tried to take deep calming breaths. She couldn’t break down. She had to be strong. For Steve. For Jane.

“No, she needs to rest,” said Steve, subtly trying to lead her to the bed again. “If she’s with Selvig, that means she’s in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s medical care. She’ll be fine.”

Darcy regarded him silently. The way he had said it, confident that Erik was in medical care, sent a chill down her spine.

“Steve,” she whispered, forcing him to look at her. “What aren’t you telling me?”

He responded with a question of his own. “How do you know Thor?”

Darcy buried her face in her hands and, for the first time, she regretted not telling him how she and Jane had gotten involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. in the first place. He had never asked, probably believing that S.H.I.E.L.D. wanted Jane because she was smart and was trying to tear a hole in the universe, which – to Steve – must have been disturbing on so many levels.

“Oh, God,” Darcy grumbled. “This is gonna take entire morning. And Jane –”

“Jane will be fine,” Steve interrupted. “Look, it’s four thirty now. If she doesn’t come till nine, I promise I’ll go to the facility and bring her back myself.”

Darcy blinked. “You’d do that?”

He cocked his head and gave her a look that clearly said she didn’t even have to ask. She felt a rush of affection for him. He was doing this for her, so that she would rest, so that she wouldn’t have to go into the night looking for a bereaved Jane.

“So,” said Steve. “Thor.”

Darcy closed her eyes and imagined the dry, hot landscape of New Mexico, their cluttered workspace, meeting Thor, witnessing the Destroyer… and words began pouring out of her mouth. She told Steve about meeting Jane at Culver and traveling to Puente Antiguo to chase tornadoes with her two scientists. She told him about hitting Thor with the truck and tasering him. She told him about his quest for Mjølnir and Jane’s involvement. Her voice caught when she described the Destroyer and how it had almost killed Thor but she had come so far, she couldn’t stop now.

“He said he would come back,” she finished. “But he never did.”

Her eyes found Steve’s. He was looking at her in dismay but did not look shocked. Fighting aliens would do that to you, Darcy supposed. They were quiet for a while, each lost in their own thoughts. Then Steve started speaking.

His story was shorter than hers but it was more upsetting. Discovering Erik had been influenced by Loki’s control to open the portal was outraging. A shudder ran through her at the thought of what he must be feeling now. Jane’s words came back to her – _Erik is not stable right now_.

“Is he okay?” she asked Steve.

“I don’t know. He was there when Thor left but then he disappeared. Dr. Selvig needs therapy.”

Darcy snorted. “I bet he does, the old bastard.” The urge to get to her scientists returned but she knew Steve wouldn’t let her leave. She would have to visit Erik tomorrow.

Steve continued with his story. There wasn’t much to tell. Darcy had already seen half of it on the news. But learning about Agent Coulson’s death came as an unpleasant shock.

“That’s terrible,” she said. She wasn’t crying anymore and she had Steve and his soothing voice to thank for that. He sat opposite her on the bed as he talked to her.

“Yeah.”

“Can’t believe Coulson’s dead. I was just getting to know him,” she half joked. She hadn’t known the agent that well but she had exchanged a few spicy yet fun remarks with him after Thor had left. She had discovered that her iPod thief did actually have a sense of humor.

“So you met him?”

Darcy nodded absently. “Yeah. He was there in New Mexico. He stole my iPod,” she said, because it somehow felt important to tell Steve about her iPod.

To her amazement, he chuckled. “Sounds like Coulson, yeah,” he said. “He wanted me to sign his Captain America trading cards.”

Darcy smiled. “No shit.”

“He was a good man,” Steve said, turning serious. “His death brought us all together.”

Not knowing what to say to that, Darcy remained silent. She looked down at her hands on her lap. Steve wasn’t holding them anymore and she realized she missed his touch. She opened her mouth to say something but Steve beat her to it.

“You wanna rest a bit?”

Darcy shrugged. She wasn’t sleepy. Steve took that as an affirmation and grabbed a pillow from the bed.

“Where are you going?” asked Darcy, when he made to get off the bed. “You don’t have to – I’ll take the couch.”

“It’s fine, Darcy. I can’t sleep, remember?”

Darcy glanced at the couch, then at Steve and back at the couch. “I mean, it’s too small for you,” she said finally.

Steve laughed. He had never laughed in her presence before. Darcy decided that she liked his laugh. “It might look small but it isn’t, trust me,” he told her, throwing himself on the couch and raising his eyebrows at her. “See?”

Darcy frowned. His feet peeked out from the other end. She didn’t like this. She didn’t want to dominate his bed when he clearly needed rest too. But seeing no choice at that moment, she lay back and snuggled into his sheets, his scent in them eventually lulling her to sleep.

 

Much too soon, Steve was shaking her awake and Darcy opened her eyes to see Jane sitting at the kitchen table, nibbling on a sandwich. Darcy sat up with a snap.

“Jane!” The woman in question waved half-heartedly. “When did you get here?”

“Just five minutes ago,” Steve answered for her. “I fixed her up a sandwich.”

Darcy shot him a grateful look and went to stand before Jane, regarding her cautiously. She looked surprisingly calm and unusually silent for someone who had lost a boyfriend… twice.

“How are you, honey?” Darcy asked softly.

Jane put the sandwich down and looked up at her intern. “I’m leaving,” she announced simply.

Darcy was nonplussed. “What? Where?”

“I don’t know.”

“Okay, but when are you coming back?”

“I’m not coming back.”

Darcy shared a looked with Steve, who was sitting on the couch, pretending to read a book but in all reality, listening to their conversation.

“Jane.” Darcy raised a hand to place it on Jane’s shoulder. Jane jerked back unconsciously. “Okay, I’m sorry. I’m just worried about you and I don’t understand what you’re talking about.”

“I’m leaving,” repeated Jane. “Just like _he_ did.”

A chill went down Darcy’s spine as she gaped at Jane’s face, her eyes haunted, her lips pursed and her voice so dead that Darcy had to consciously control the surge of anger she felt towards Thor for leaving without a damned goodbye. But she still took his side. She had to, even if it was to just prevent Jane from doing something stupid.

“Jane, he’s just gone to bring Loki back to Asgard. We want Loki to be punished; we’re on Team Avengers, aren’t we? Team Earth?”

Jane stared at her blankly and Darcy wondered if she had even heard her. She continued determinedly, “He will come back, Jane. Trust me.” She felt terrible for lying to the older woman. But Darcy had hope that Thor would prove her right. He loved Jane too, didn’t he? Maybe he _was_ coming back…

“He won’t,” Jane stated in the dead hollow voice that didn’t suit her at all, a voice that scared Darcy. The scientist hadn’t shed a single tear since she had set foot in Steve’s house. Darcy had a feeling something bad was going to happen. “For the last year, every waking thought I had was of him, of finding him. But he was here and he just left. Again. No message, nothing. Not a word.”

“Yes, but think about this for a second…”

“All the work I did was for nothing.”

When she put it like that, Darcy didn’t have a winning argument at all.

“So, that’s it. I’m done. I’m leaving. I’m leaving this darned city and going somewhere far away.”

“I’ll come with you,” said Darcy immediately.

Jane gave her a sad look. “Sorry, Darcy. But I want to be alone,” she said. She was already getting up and grabbing her bag.

Darcy panicked. “What? No!” she exclaimed, taking a hold of Jane’s arm. “You can’t leave me here. What am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?”

Jane gently pried Darcy’s fingers from her arm. Darcy grabbed her bag, half dragging behind her as Jane walked to the door.

“Jane, don’t go. At least tell me where you’re going. Jane, come on, this isn’t right. JANE!” She was angry now and she felt hands on her shoulders, holding her back. “Jane, let me come with you, okay. I’ll be the best intern ever, I promise…”

But Jane just looked at Steve, a plea in her eyes that Darcy didn’t understand until Steve’s hands on her tightened. She lost her grip on the bag when Jane tugged and Darcy cried out in anger. “No!” She tried to elbow Steve. “Let go, let – Jane, I will never fucking talk to you again. Jane, listen to me…”

But no amount of begging and shouting mattered because Jane was already out of the door. “Take care, Darcy,” her voice strangely echoed as Darcy stared after her in shock. Jane did not look back.

“JANE!” Darcy screamed. “FINE, LEAVE! AND DON’T EVER COME BACK! YOU ARE JUST LIKE THOR, YOU KNOW THAT. YOU DON’T LEAVE YOUR FRIENDS BEHIND, YOU STUPID SCIENCE JUNKIE!”

She had no idea how long she screamed, she had no idea when her screams turned into sobs and, for the first time, she had no understanding or feeling of being in Steve’s arms, pressed into a tight hug meant to express support and comfort. She was too focused on Jane, replaying her last words in her head in a constant loop. _Take care, Darcy_. That’s all, that’s all she had to say before she left Darcy alone in the new city, without a house, without money, without a promise of return and without any guarantee that wherever Jane was going, she would be fine.

What do you do when your best friend leaves you?

You cry.

And it just so happened, Darcy had been full of tears this past year. She later blamed it all on Steve, but in that moment, with her face pressed against his chest, her tears soaking his shirt and her sobs muffled by his body, Darcy could only think about Jane and Jane alone.

A final plea subconsciously escaped her lips. “Don’t leave me…”

What would she do now?


	4. A Guide To Survival

The invasion had changed everything. The rebuilding of Midtown Manhattan would take months but it had started even before the shock of aliens had worn off. Darcy, on Steve’s insistence, had half-heartedly participated in several fundraisers and marathons hosted to raise the amount of money it required to build the entire area. She knew he was just trying to get her out and have fun but it was not working. Darcy was not an athlete (she almost burst a lung running the marathon) and she wasn’t much fun these days either. Steve, on the other hand, had to don his Captain America uniform for these so-called fundraisers and he had to maintain a charming persona, which (he was told) helped rake in more money.

To Steve’s dismay, Captain America was back in trend. Articles upon articles were published on him and the other Avengers. His childhood was rehashed on the social media along with his stories and photographs from World War 2. His propaganda movies were constantly showcased on T.V. and wearing the uniform in public, even for events, became a form of torture because the reporters and their cameras wouldn’t leave him alone. Darcy was glad Steve always wore his cowl with the uniform – he was completely against the idea of outing himself like Tony Stark had done, claiming that he was in no way ready for that kind of fame.

When the merchandise came out, Steve received a package from Stark Industries with a letter saying ‘A bag of goodies for my favorite Capsicle’. The package contained a Captain America toy that, when pressed, proudly declared ‘I’m Captain America, the man with a plan!’, half a dozen newly out comics of the national icon, a cell phone and a photograph of Tony Stark holding an Iron Man toy and a Captain America toy in his hands.

“God, I hate that man,” muttered Steve, going red at the sight of the photograph.

Darcy was looking at it in amusement. “Are the toys kissing?” she asked with a grin.

“Shut up.”

“Wow, Iron Man is smitten with you, Steve.”

“Shut up, Darcy!”

Perhaps the only good thing the invasion had triggered was the change in Steve. Meeting others like him – superheroes – and having a purpose in his life again had changed him for the better. He was lighter, a lot less stiff than he was when Darcy had met him. He smiled freely, he wasn’t opposed to jokes so much as he was before. On Darcy’s insistence, he had finally opened that box in the corner and installed the T.V. They didn’t use it much but every other weekend, Darcy would ask him if he wanted to see a movie and he would say yes.

Darcy was still trying to get over the surprise of his affirmations in using modern technology. She tried to teach him how to use the phone that Stark had sent him. He stayed away from the games folder, wouldn’t let Darcy install any unnecessary apps and was totally averse to texting. Whenever Darcy would text him, he would he call back, even if it was to tell her that yes, he would bring lettuce on his way home.

Some days, it occurred to Darcy how domestic their life had become. They lived together, they ate together, they watched T.V. together and yet, whenever she gave it a bit more thought, she always came out feeling unsatisfied. Because even though they were always together, Steve still thought of her as just a friend, while all Darcy wanted was to grab his collar and pull him down for a kiss. And as time passed, it was getting harder to resist him. He was just so nice to her, so caring, so considerate, so gut-wrenchingly beautiful to her eyes. One look from him and she would heat up like a furnace. She often wondered how he would react if she just walked up to him and laid one on him.

She never got a chance to try it. Steve woke up with Peggy’s name on his lips. It rarely happened but whenever it did, it confirmed to Darcy that even though Steve had moved on in life, he still wasn’t over his first love. She wasn’t resentful of his dreams involving Peggy because he seldom had good dreams. The herbal remedy was slowly curing his insomnia but sleep meant nightmares and Steve hated those. He would stay awake for as long as he could – and Darcy would stay up with him – in the fear that he would have another nightmare and wake up panting and gasping for breath.

The first time it happened, Darcy had woken up to the sound of him whimpering Bucky’s name in his sleep. She had crawled up to the couch and laid a hand on his chest.

“Steve, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare.”

Her simple touch had awoken him. He had looked at her then, the memory of Bucky falling off the train bright and clear in his eyes.

“Yeah,” he said, his voice hoarse. “Yeah. Just a nightmare.”

The second time it happened, he had been thrashing around on the couch, fighting an invisible foe. Darcy had screamed his name, tried to wake him up from afar but it had been futile. Nightmares were like a vortex, a brutal vortex that sucked a person right inside it. Darcy would know. She sometimes had nightmares about the Destroyer as well, among other things. Just like the third time she caught Steve in the throes of a nightmare. She had woken up from a bad dream herself and she sat up to find Steve sitting on the couch, looking wearily out of the window.

“Hey,” she said.

His eyes flicked to her. “Bad dream?” he asked knowingly.

Darcy nodded.

“Me too.” He sounded tired and looked as if he had resigned himself to the fact that he would never get proper rest. His tone alone, Darcy insisted later, was what made her say what she said next.

“C’mere.”

He looked at her questioningly. She patted the bed and smiled encouragingly.

“I don’t think…”

“Stop thinking for a moment and do as I say,” Darcy commanded gently. She watched him walk uncertainly to the bed, then stop and stare at her in doubt. _Ah, such a gentleman, Steve_.

“What are you going to do?” he asked her.

Darcy shrugged. “Nothing, just… just put your head on my lap. Try to sleep.”

He still looked rather dubious, but obeyed her nonetheless, climbing on the bed beside her and watching her settle back against the pillows in a comfortable sitting position.

“You think it’ll help?”

Darcy shrugged again, smiling slightly. “Can’t hurt, right?”

It was testimony to how exhausted he was that he did not argue any further and carefully placed his head on her thigh. Her hand immediately went to his hair, fingers running soothingly across his scalp, nails scraping the skin occasionally. After a while, his eyes fluttered shut and his breathing evened. Darcy stayed awake as long as she could but sleep eventually claimed her as well and she slumped sideways a bit, dead to the world.

The next morning, Steve woke up looking the kind of fresh and happy she had never seen him before. He made her a lavish breakfast and when she asked the occasion, he just said, “I feel good.”

Steve’s attitude was contagious. Seeing him happy made her happy, too. He made her forget the pain of losing Jane, who had been Darcy’s only constant for past few years. He made her want to be the old Darcy again. She had spent weeks alternating between being angry, being morbid and being worried about Jane. True to her word, the scientist had disappeared completely. Erik didn’t know her whereabouts either. Darcy had left hundreds of voice messages on her phone but Jane had never called back.

The worse thing about her situation was that she was now a burden on Steve. He never complained – in fact, he had said he wouldn’t have it any other way – but that did not stop Darcy from feeling guilty. She tried to pull her weight by doing freelance writing and coding jobs but her earnings weren’t enough to let her rent a new apartment immediately. She couldn’t ask S.H.I.E.L.D. for help because why would they help her? Darcy was a nobody. Jane made her a somebody and she was gone. Darcy couldn’t stay with Erik either because he mostly lived at the facility, undergoing extensive therapy following his stint with Loki.

Therefore she had no other choice but to live with Steve, which was difficult because he was always there, with his kind blue eyes and his beautiful smile and his stunning body… right in front of her eyes, making her fall for him more and more each day.

She was usually able to control her urges during the day but at night, looking down at Steve’s face sleeping peacefully on her lap, she couldn’t help but admire him, couldn’t help her fingers from tracing his eyebrows, his cheekbones, his lips, his broad shoulders, and the familiar ache in her heart would return, just like it did every time she laid eyes on him. _Why don’t you see me, Steve?_ She whispered to his sleeping form. _Why can’t you see me?_

“Peggy?” he murmured in his sleep and Darcy stilled. He didn’t open his eyes and his breathing remained steady.

Darcy pinched the bridge of her nose and bit back a sigh. _Damn you, Peggy Carter_.  
\---

“Don’t you have a family?”

They were having dinner. Steve had made a killer lasagna which was slowly being demolished by the duo. Darcy looked up to see why he had asked the question, if he wanted to get rid of her or something similar. But he just looked curious, no hint in his eyes of planning to send her away at the first sign of affirmation.

“I do,” she replied curtly.

“You never talk about them.”

“There’s really nothing to talk about.” She wanted to kill this conversation. She didn’t like where it was heading. And she knew that she was being rude in her evasiveness but she couldn’t help it. She didn’t like talking about her family. She wanted to be as far away from them as possible, physically _and_ mentally.

Apparently, Steve didn’t take the hint. Or maybe he was deliberately trying to push her for some reason only he knew. “I’m sure that’s not true,” he pressed. “Tell me about them.”

Darcy put her fork down, chewing thoughtfully, wondering what she should tell him.

“My parents divorced when I was fourteen. I lived with my mom until a few years ago when she died of cancer,” she said, deciding to go with the truth.

“I’m sorry,” said Steve sincerely.

“It’s okay, I’m over it. We weren’t that close. But she raised me, so…” she trailed away. Till the day she died, her mom had tried to change Darcy, make her into more of a girl, tried to force her to do things that she did not want to do and Darcy had realized pretty soon that she was not the daughter that her mother wanted. But her mother had always been there, a constant reminder that Darcy had one person who would never leave her, no matter how much she disappointed that person.

She had been lucky to find Jane almost immediately after her mother’s death. Meeting and working with Jane had taken Darcy’s mind off her loss.

“What about your father?”

Darcy shot Steve an incredulous look. What was his deal today? What was he trying to achieve by asking her questions about her family? Was he shrinking her?

Steve looked up when she didn’t reply immediately and the expression on her face must have given away her irritation because he hastened to explain.

“Oh. Am I being nosy? Sorry, I was just… ah… curious. You know everything about me and I don’t know a lot about you.”

He looked so adorably earnest that Darcy’s irritation melted. She forced a smile on her face. “You know about New Mexico and…”

“And that’s it.”

“You know I like chocolate and cheese.”

He snorted. “Who doesn’t?”

“You know I like you.” It slipped out before Darcy had a chance to stop herself.

“That’s because I’m an adorable little rebel-punk.”

Darcy covered her relief with a laugh. “Who called you that?”

“Who do you think?” he muttered drily.

“Bucky?” she guessed.

Steve nodded with a smile. “He was always saving my ass from bullies. After my mother’s death, he was the only family I had,” he told her, his eyes slightly glazed as if remembering better times.

Darcy placed a hand over his, knowing that she would regret it. He blinked and looked down at her hand, then back up at her with a smile that melted her insides. She quickly removed her hand and stood up to put her plate in the sink. She felt tense and awkward, as if she had cheated a test or broken a rule by touching him. But when she attempted to inconspicuously look at him over her shoulder, he was grinning at her.

“You’re good,” he said, “at diverting a conversation.”

A smile threatened to stretch her face in two. “I would never,” she insisted, looking mock-scandalized.

“You don’t want to tell me about your father?”

He was still smiling and Darcy didn’t want to see that smile go away. Because that’s exactly what would happen if she told him about her father. Jacob Lewis and Darcy shared a strange relationship. She pretended that he loved her and in return, he called once every few months to check up on her. He had called a month after the battle of New York, asking if she was alive and okay. It had taken him a month but at least he had remembered to call. So Darcy once again pretended that she didn’t mind his delayed call and told him that she would visit soon, if she got the chance.

“Sure thing, honey. Can’t wait to see you,” he had said and Darcy had hung up, ironically embittered by his sugary tone.

Steve was still looking at her expectantly, so she gathered her thoughts and said, “My dad lives in LA. He’s a fashion photographer.”

“That sounds… fun?”

“Sure. He’s a fun guy. He hangs out with actors and models on a daily basis. He likes the attention.”

“I see.”

Darcy watched as he silently finished the last of his lasagna, his expression thoughtful. She didn’t know what he was thinking but he definitely looked disturbed. Darcy could only guess it was because of her reluctance to talk about her family. Steve had been through a lot but he had a good family growing up; Darcy, on the other hand, had only grudges and disputes as family memories. How could she make him understand that her dad was not as cool as he sounded?

“Do you want to go out tomorrow?”

Steve’s voice broke her train of thought and she raised her eyebrows at him in surprise. He looked a little flushed but he often got that way after a heavy meal.

“Sure, what do you have in mind?” she asked him. If he was trying to distract her from memories of bad family drama, he was totally succeeding.

“Well,” he stalled, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck. “I was thinking maybe we could try that new Indian place around the corner.”

“Sounds good.” They were only going there to eat. Just two friends eating together in a restaurant. Nothing more.

Then why did she feel so giddy all of a sudden?

 

Darcy resisted the urge to doll up because firstly, she did not have a dress and secondly, this was not a date (as she was constantly reminding herself). But she couldn’t help checking and rechecking herself in the bathroom mirror, trying to decide if it looked like she was trying too hard. She was wearing a simple blue blouse – that _might_ show a bit of her cleavage but Darcy wasn’t concentrating on that – and black skinny jeans, the last of the good ones that she possessed. Her face was make-up free, she had decided to opt for contacts instead of glasses, and her hair was loose on her shoulders.

She didn’t look a lot different from how she looked every day, except maybe the cleavage – that was a well kept secret. Darcy sighed in resignation. This was as good as it was ever going to get. She needed to get out of the bathroom, otherwise she would hide in there like the coward that she was and leave Steve to eat the Indian food on his own. She took a grounding breath and unlocked the bathroom door.

Steve was waiting on the couch, his eyes closed and his head resting on the back. “What took you so lo… aah,” he trailed away once he caught sight of her. “You look… different.”

“Don’t tell me I’m overdressed,” said Darcy. “Because I can’t be… this is just an old –”

“Darcy,” he cut her off, coming to stand before her. “You’re not overdressed. You look… you look nice.”

She blew out a relieved breath and a piece of hair on her cheek floated up comically. “Nice is good,” she said, wishing she didn’t sound as nervous as she felt. “Ready?”

“Yep.”

Hiding a smile at his use of modern lingo, Darcy followed him out of the door.

The restaurant was a quaint little place on a busy street. The entrance was rather loud but the interior was decorated in cream and gold and almost looked royal. A turbaned guard greeted them at the door and a woman wearing a _saree_ said ‘Namaste’ and led them to a corner table. Steve tried to pull out the chair for Darcy but her ‘don’t you dare’ look sent him backtracking with an amused smile.

“This is nice,” he said, looking around.

Darcy spotted a small statue of an Indian warrior by the window. It was a man on a horse with a sword held high in one hand and the horse’s reins in another. The man’s mouth was open in a battle cry and he looked comically ferocious.

Darcy motioned to the statue. “Who do you think he is?” she asked Steve.

“Probably Gandhi,” Steve replied densely.

Darcy rolled her eyes. “No, that’s not Gandhi. He’s from your time, Steve, you have to know.”

“Yeah well, I was busy fighting another war.”

Fair point but Darcy wasn’t giving up. “God, you really need to start using the internet, Steve, do some research,” she scolded. “Gandhi preached non-violence. This guy here clearly looks like he’s jumping into battle.”

Steve nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, okay.”

“You know,” said Darcy, picking up the menu and scanning it. “You should keep a diary or something…”

“A diary? What for?”

“Let me finish, Steve-o. I meant like for maintaining a list of things that you should absolutely know about.” A saree clad woman came to take their order. “I’ll have a Paneer Tikka Masala and two butter naan.”

Steve gave his huge party-size order consisting of Veg Kurma, 4 Parathas and Chicken Biryani and then turned to Darcy with an annoyed, “I don’t need a silly list.”

“It won’t be a silly list,” argued Darcy. “You jot down anything that doesn’t make sense to you – could be a reference someone made or could be something you read somewhere – and then you look it up on the internet and voila! You know everything about it!” She spread her arms wide in excitement. “It’d be so cool. You have _got_ to put Star Wars and Harry Potter in that list of yours.” She paused thoughtfully. “And some knowledge about world history won’t hurt.”

“Hold it. I haven’t agreed to maintain a diary yet. I still say it sounds silly,” Steve said dispassionately.

“Why?”

“I can’t say.”

“You’re being awfully stubborn.”

“I learn from the best.”

“Are you calling me stubborn?” asked Darcy with a mock glare.

“I’m calling you the best.”

Darcy bit back a grin. “Nice save, soldier.”

“I try,” he said drily. “So who’s Harry Potter?”

Their food soon arrived, Steve’s plates taking up most of the table and Darcy’s Tikka Masala sending her into a coughing fit after the first bite. (“It’s hot, it’s hot, it’s hot!” “Here, drink some water.”) Authentic Indian food was spicy and Darcy learned to take smaller bites. They ordered a glass of _lassi_ for her but Steve asked to taste it first and downed it in one go, leaving Darcy high and dry with the taste of hot spice in her mouth.

They maintained a smooth flow of conversation throughout the meal, Steve constantly making her laugh with deadpan remarks and Darcy trying not to notice how his eyes twinkled and how his tongue flicked out to lick the _lassi_ mustache from his upper lip. She was having a hard time taking her eyes off him – maybe it was the ambience or his cheerfulness that day or just the usual way she always felt about him – and her heart pounded whenever he looked up at her with that crooked smile of his that he had mastered so well.

She realized he had asked her a question. It took a few seconds to remember what they were talking about and when she did, she shook her head firmly and announced,

“I think it’s bullshit.”

After the invasion, Steve had been less and less alarmed by her random use of bad language, but that still didn’t stop him from making a face at her. It could also be because they were talking about astrology and Steve thought it was interesting while Darcy openly declared it bullshit.

“How would you know? You’re not an expert, are you?” argued Steve.

“Neither are you,” Darcy pointed out.

“Darcy, everything is a science now,” he paused, then asked sheepishly, “Isn’t it?” At Darcy’s amused nod, he continued, “So you can’t just discount astrology because you don’t understand it.”

“Oh, I understand it just fine. It’s about the position of Jupiter and Uranus and silly zodiac signs defining us… not true, by the way.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Well, I may not know a lot about astrology but I can read your palm.”

Darcy snorted. “Since when do you read palms?”

“I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you.”

A surprised laugh burst forth from Darcy and Steve looked justifiably proud of himself for making that reference. “Just for saying that,” giggled Darcy, “I’ll let you try your palmistry skills on me.” She held up both hands. “Which one do you want?”

“Left hand,” Steve said immediately.

“Okay, wait.” Darcy stood up and moved her chair closer to Steve’s. She sat down and offered him her left hand, palm up. “Here you go, Yoda. Use the force on me… or whatever.”

Steve, for his sake, ignored her Star Wars reference and turned his chair in her direction. He then took her hand in his, something that Darcy hopelessly tried to ignore. He was taking this very seriously as he thoroughly studied her palm for a while before speaking again.

“See this,” he said, pointing to a slightly curved line that tipped down to her wrist. “It’s your life line. It says you’re going to live a long life.”

“Oh shoot! Really?” She had always wanted to die before she turned 60. Growing old and dependent on others wasn’t in her life goals.

Steve pursed his lips. “It’s a good thing, Darce.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Since when did he call her ‘Darce’? His finger left a fiery trail on her skin as he lightly traced another line on her palm and told her what it stood for. Darcy barely heard him. Her focus was on his finger.

“And this here is the heart line,” he said, revealing that the way it curved slightly and ended right there meant that she was selfish when it came to love. Darcy moved closer to look.

He raised his eyebrows at her, as if confirming his assessment, but Darcy bit her lip and refused to answer. She felt hot all over, her other hand desperately fisting the hem of her blouse, and she suddenly realized she was leaning very close to him.

Without thinking, she slipped her hand out of his warm grasp and sat back, appalled at herself for letting this happen, for letting her feelings take a front seat when all Steve wanted was a simple dinner in the city. There he was, looking mildly surprised and bemused by her change in behavior, but otherwise completely unaffected by her; and here she was, surrounded by air thick with sexual tension that she had created all by herself… a victim of her own desires.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her, breaking into her thoughts.

“I… I think I’m just,” she gulped, her throat felt dry. She needed to get out of there, get away from him, breath in some air; it was getting too hot in there. She stood up rather abruptly. “I’ll be back. I need to… uh… go the restroom.”

He frowned slightly but nodded in consent and Darcy practically fled to the ladies room, pushing inside and closing the door behind her with an audible sigh. The room was thankfully empty and she rested her body against the door for a minute, taking in deep breaths, willing her heart rate to drop down to its normal pace. God, what had he done to her? What was he _doing_ to her? She was fine before she had met him but now? Now she was a mere shadow of herself, a ghost, constantly afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing, anything that would potentially upset Steve or ruin the delicate friendship that they had built.

Her feet carried her to stand by the sink, in front of the mirror, and Darcy placed her hands on the cold marble and leaned forward to examine her reflection closely. There was wetness in her eyes that she hadn’t realized was there. In an attempt to wipe her eyes with a tissue, despite her care, she messed up her mascara and smeared some of it below her eye. It was a mark of how distracted she was that she did not groan or complain, instead silently pulled out her mascara tube and set about making it right.

After a few minutes of futility, where her hands shook a lot and the brush kept freezing before her eye, Darcy paused and put down the brush. She felt unfocused and scared. Not scared, she felt terrified.

“I’m in love with him,” she whispered to her reflection. _Oh God!_

Her fingers came up to cover her mouth. She wondered if she had always known deep down that she loved Steve but realizing it this way and saying it out loud was absolutely frightening.

“I’m in love with Steve,” she repeated helplessly.

She didn’t want to be in love with him. They were friends, they would always be friends. He would never love her back. He was Steve – kind, funny, strong, handsome and sometimes tormented Steve. He was a national icon, he was Captain America. In which universe did people like Steve Rogers fall in love with people like Darcy Lewis?

She felt the sting of tears behind her eyes and she promptly splashed some water on her face. She would go back out and act normal. And after they got home, she would think about this and she _would_ sort it out. She had to.

She wiped her face and stared at her reflection, willing it to give her strength. Her mantra was back, chanting silently in her head. _Be strong, be strong, be strong_.

Darcy stepped out of the ladies room to find Steve standing outside, his expression grave. Her first thought was that he had heard her confession – he had enhanced senses after all – and she panicked. But then she saw his face, there was something distinctly unfamiliar about the way he was holding himself and when he opened his mouth to tell her that he had just received a call, Darcy understood immediately. She wasn’t looking at Steve anymore. Standing in front of her was Captain America.

They left the restaurant and hurried home, where Steve proceeded to pack a small bag with a few pairs of clothes, his uniform and the combat boots that he liked so much. Darcy handed him his shield.

She felt stupid but she needed to know, so she asked him, “When will you be back?”

He stood by the door, adjusting the strap of his bag on his shoulder and then hitching his shield over his bag. She wanted to hug him but managed to keep a safe distance.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “The car’s waiting outside. I better go.”

He made to walk out but stopped with his hand on the doorknob and turned to look at her one last time. Darcy got a feeling that he wanted to say something, that he expected _her_ to say something. But when she didn’t, when she maintained her ground five feet away from him, he nodded tersely and left.

The door clicked shut behind him and Darcy slumped on the kitchen stool. This wasn’t the first time Steve had left her to go on a mission. He had been called twice before and both times he had returned in a day or two. But this time it was different. She saw it in his eyes. She felt it. This time he would be gone for a longer duration. And while a part of her was unhappy about it, there was something comforting about the distance. Now that she knew she loved him, she couldn’t live with him anymore. With him gone, she could figure something out. Maybe she could call her dad for help. She didn’t want to but it was an option. Or maybe she could get a steady, full-time job. It was about time anyway. She couldn’t wait for Jane forever.

And just when she had given up on her internship and her best friend, and just when she had started scouring the newspapers for vacancies, her life took another turn – Jane turned up one morning, bearing a big suitcase and an apologetic smile. Darcy closed the door in her face.

Jane sat outside for an entire day before she was let in begrudgingly. She didn’t try to start a conversation because she knew Darcy didn’t want to talk. She did, however, help Darcy clean up the house and prepare dinner and cautiously sat by her friend’s side when she watched T.V. at night. She continued this routine for days, patiently waiting for Darcy to be a little less angry so that they could talk but Darcy wasn’t even interested in looking at her face let alone talking to her.

It was a week after her abrupt arrival that Jane gathered the courage to ask, “Where’s Steve?”

Darcy looked at her and Jane was relieved to see an emotion other than hate in her eyes. Her voice was colored with worry when she said shortly, “Mission.”

Jane nodded, understanding. She wanted to say more but didn’t know where to start.

“Are you… are you two…?”

Darcy knew what she was trying to say before she could even complete her question.

“No,” she said.

“But you live together.”

“It’s not like I have much choice,” responded Darcy sardonically. “My house was destroyed and my best friend left me to rot in a new city without any money.”

A flash of something crossed Jane’s face. Darcy knew that Jane felt guilty for leaving her behind, for not calling, for not returning sooner and Darcy also knew that she had no right to demand Jane’s attention like that because Jane was, in all reality, her boss and, despite Darcy’s strong feelings of friendship for her boss, she had no claim over Jane. They could leave each other whenever they wanted without offering any explanation whatsoever and neither could do anything about it because they hadn’t even signed a bloody contract!

But Darcy couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Jane had left her after everything that had happened, after everything that they had been through together. Thor be damned, Darcy had always been there for Jane! And she had returned the favor by disappearing at a time when both women needed each other the most, at a time when _everyone_ needed their loved ones by their side, because it was the time when the world found out that humans were not the only advanced beings in the universe.

“I’m sorry.”

She had been trying for a week but this was the first time Jane had apologized out loud.

“It’s okay,” Darcy said impassively, going back to her book.

“You know it’s not,” Jane said delicately.

Darcy’s eyes remained on her book. “You were gone for eight months, Jane…”

“Seven and a half but who’s counting.”

“Whatever. The point is, you left me, and I’m over it now. It’s all okay.”

“No, it’s not.” The high pitch and the force in Jane’s voice made Darcy look up with raised eyebrows. “I don’t regret going off alone –”

“Don’t think that’s how apologies start…”

“Shut up and let me finish.”

“Hey, you don’t get to talk to me like that anymore!”

“You’re my intern.”

“I’m most certainly not!”

“Fine, but you’re still my best friend and I can talk to you however I want,” exclaimed Jane. Darcy narrowed her eyes but didn’t say anything. Jane took it as a cue to continue. “Look, I don’t regret going off alone. I needed space. I needed to get over the fact that I’m not important enough for the man I love. I know I acted rashly and I know that I hurt you with my decision and I really am sorry for that. Truly. But you have to know that I’m okay now. That being away helped.”

She looked sincere and if Darcy was honest with herself, she could see that Jane did look good. Better than the last time Darcy had seen her.

“Are you really over Thor?” she asked Jane tentatively.

The scientist shrugged. “I don’t know. But I’m done waiting for him and I’m not looking for him either,” she said resolutely.

“No more rainbow bridges?”

“No more Einstein-Rosen bridges,” Jane confirmed, resisting an eye roll at Darcy’s layman terminology despite being reminded of the correct name a hundred times over.

The book fell from Darcy’s hands, forgotten, as she sat up straighter and gave Jane a hopeful look. “So what’s the plan?”

For her part, Jane didn’t pretend that she was without a plan. In fact, that was the reason she was back. She was back for Darcy and then she planned to stage a rescue.

“I’m planning to stage a rescue.” Man, that sounded way cooler in her head.

“What?”

“Forget it,” sighed Jane. “I mean to say that I’m going to London and I want you to come with me.”

“Why London?”

“Apparently, Erik’s there…”

“Seriously?”

“… and he called me a few weeks ago, said some science gibberish that even I didn’t understand and then hung up.”

So that’s where Erik had disappeared to. All he had said to Darcy was that he was going to Europe for research but he had never specifically mentioned where in Europe he was going or why. He said he would call but if he had called Jane first, that could only mean one thing.

“What’s he up to now? Is he in trouble?”

“I don’t know,” confessed Jane. “But I gave it a lot of thought and I think it’s a good idea to leave this place.”

“You already took your chance to leave.”

“Yes but I was always here. In the country,” Jane told her, “wandering around aimlessly, trying to find some closure. London is… it’s on the other side of the ocean. It’ll be good for you, too, Darcy. A fresh start for the both of us.”

Darcy could not believe her luck. She had been trying to find ways to distance herself from Steve. She needed to get over him just like Jane had gotten over Thor. And here was her opportunity. She could leave with Jane and never look back. It would be hard because deep down she knew that she didn’t really want to go and a part of her couldn’t bear the thought of being separated from Steve but did he really want her hanging around his apartment forever? He would meet someone perfect one day and he’d want to bring her home. It was better if Darcy cut her losses right now, before it got worse and before she did something she would regret.

“But if you want to, you know, stay here, then…” Jane was saying.

Darcy shook her head frantically. “Are you kidding? I’m in. I’ll go to London.”

“But Steve…”

“Will be fine,” finished Darcy. At Jane’s weird look, she elaborated, “He doesn’t need me, Jane. I’m just holding him back. And I… I love… I mean it’s getting difficult, you know…”

“Darcy.”

“You don’t get it,” Darcy said vehemently. “I have to leave before I do something stupid.”

“But Darcy, what if he loves you back?”

Darcy flinched at Jane’s question but managed a derisive laugh. “He doesn’t. He’s still in love with Peggy.” She tried not to think about Peggy too much. The mere mention of her name made Darcy’s stomach churn. “But he’ll get over her one day and I don’t want to be there to see him fall in love with someone else.”

“That person could be you,” Jane pointed out gently.

Darcy wanted to laugh again. Jane was too kind, too sweet and much too biased to see the reality of the situation.

“Come on, Jane, we both know that’s never going to happen.” She said it with a confidence and a finality that gave Jane a pause. She looked at Darcy, really looked – as if she was looking at the younger woman for the first time – then she blinked and looked away, feeling ashamed of herself. And maybe Darcy would have liked it if Jane had argued more but instead Jane just nodded slowly, shamefully.

“Yeah… yeah, you’re right.”

For the next couple of days, Jane took Darcy shopping. They bought a bunch of warm clothes because Jane said it was cold in London. Darcy hadn’t had new, amazing clothes in so long that she hugged Jane tightly, happy that she had returned and happy that she was taking care of Darcy just like Darcy had always taken care of her. Pretty soon, their bags were packed and ready but Darcy asked Jane to not book the flight just yet.

Steve arrived from his fifteen days mission exhausted and dirty. He was in his uniform and it looked as if he had S.H.I.E.L.D. directly drop him home after the mission. He didn’t see Jane at first as he entered and stood patiently behind Darcy while she closed and locked the door. She turned around to greet him with a smile but she wasn’t expecting him to grab her waist and pull her towards him in a fierce hug. Darcy squeaked in surprise but hugged him back, her hand moving up his spine in a gesture of comfort.

“Are you okay?” she asked him quietly.

He answered by exhaling in her hair and squeezing her tighter. Darcy raised her eyes to look at Jane, who had stood up from the couch to regard the scene before her with raised eyebrows.

Steve finally let her go and mumbled, “I missed this place. I missed _home_.”

A pang of disappointment twisted her heart and she berated herself for thinking – for hoping – for one second that it was she who he had missed, but no, he missed his home. He was just tired and homesick and Darcy wasn’t even on his list.

“Your home missed you too,” she remarked wryly.

He barely heard her. He had spotted Jane. “Um, Dr. Foster’s here,” he stated the obvious.

Darcy looked down at his bag and shield that he had dropped unceremoniously by the door and tucked them both in a corner, afraid someone would trip over them. A few feet away, Steve and Jane were greeting each other awkwardly.

“Steve, why don’t you go ahead and clean up?” Darcy said, making her way into the kitchen. “I’ll make dinner while you’re at it.”

Steve nodded and dragged himself into the bathroom without giving Jane a second glance. She walked up to watch Darcy rummage in the fridge. “Wow, Darcy, he seems really worn-out.”

“Yeah, he gets that way after the missions.”

“When are you going to tell –” Jane stopped abruptly when Darcy pulled out of the fridge and shook her head frantically, pointing to the bathroom door and then to her ears.

Jane rolled her eyes and quietly mouthed, “Don’t think he’d be listening in.”

“He could be,” Darcy mouthed back.

Jane bit back a retort and proceeded to help Darcy make turkey club sandwiches. They were almost ready when Steve emerged looking clean and handsome. He settled himself on the stool beside Darcy and shot Jane a curious look.

“Why… I mean when did you come back?” he inquired politely, smartly covering his slip-up with a cough.

“A few days after you left, I believe,” replied Jane. “How did the mission go?”

“Good,” he said curtly. He kept watching her with raised eyebrows as if expecting her to elaborate on her presence, and when she didn’t, he turned to Darcy and asked, “What did I miss?”

Darcy shrugged, concentrating on her club sandwich. “Nothing much. Jane’s here. She’s sorry she was a bitch…”

“Hey,” Jane piped up.

“… and I generously decided to forgive her but not before making her clean the entire house,” Darcy finished smugly.

That brought a smile to Steve’s face. “Sounds like you two had fun while I was gone.”

“It depends on who you ask,” Darcy contested, earning a full laugh from Steve while Jane sulked in the background.

Later, after Steve had fallen asleep, Jane came up to sit beside Darcy on the bed. The younger woman was running her hand through Steve’s hair as he snored lightly in her lap. He was sleeping on his stomach, his body parallel to hers, with one arm draped over Darcy’s knees and the other curved under the pillow which was propped up behind her. Darcy was aware how this sight would look to an observer but she hadn’t expected Jane to voice her concern over this.

“Darcy, I think you’ve got this all wrong,” she said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“The way he behaves around you…”

“That’s how Steve is, Jane,” explained Darcy. “You stay here a couple of weeks more and he’ll start treating you the same.”

Jane shot her an incredulous look. “Are you seeing what I’m seeing?” she whispered a little louder to make her point, waving her hand in the general direction of Darcy and Steve.

“Jesus, Jane,” cursed Darcy, placing a hand over Steve’s ear, even though he hadn’t budged in the slightest and was still snoring rather adorably. Steve never snored. The mission must have drained him a lot more than she had assumed.

Jane looked unapologetic. “Darcy, I refuse to believe that you can’t see where this is headed.”

Darcy rubbed her forehead in agitation. “I’m just trying to help him sleep. You know he used to have trouble sleeping.”

“That’s not it,” Jane said, clucking her tongue, “Why can’t you stay here and… and maybe give him a chance to –?”

“A chance to what?” interrupted Darcy. “To fall for me?” At Jane’s nod, Darcy scoffed. “He’s known me for more than a year, Jane! We’ve been living together for eight fucking months and he still hasn’t noticed me. How much more do you want me to wait? It’s torture, being so near to him and not being able to… to… You don’t know how it feels.”

“You know I do.”

“No, you don’t,” Darcy whispered harshly. “Thor’s gone but Steve’s still here and he’ll never leave!”

Darcy knew immediately that it was the wrong thing to say because Jane visibly flinched. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” she whispered.

“I know and you’re right,” stated Jane, making a subtle swipe at her eyes that Darcy pretended not to notice.

For a while, they sat in an uncomfortable silence, which Jane eventually broke because she hadn’t given up and had one more argument to make. “What about the hug, then?” she asked. “It was… it was some hug. Surely that meant something.”

Darcy shook her head. “As I said, we’ve been living in this small space for months. It’s a right mind fuck is what it is. And he doesn’t know any other women besides me. He’s needs to get out and meet new people on his own. I don’t want to be his crutch anymore, I refuse.”

She wanted so much more from Steve that it hurt to even think about it. She couldn’t be his only anchor to the real world. She couldn’t be the only woman he knew. Because if anything came out of this – _if_ it ever did – it would be wrong on so many levels. She would be taking advantage of him and she never wanted to do that. But she also knew that once he started going out, meeting girls, he would soon forget about her.

“He can have any woman he wants,” she whispered to Jane. “And he’s going to find someone perfect one day, someone beautiful and smart and strong just like Peggy. And I…”

She paused, remembering her earlier panic in the ladies room of the Indian restaurant. Her fingers absently traced his jaw before disappearing in his hair. She remembered what she had been feeling when he was obliviously reading her hand. She remembered wanting to kiss him so many times when he was fast asleep in her lap. She remembered being aroused by the mere sight of him. It occurred to her, as it often did, how dangerous her feelings for Steve were.

“I have to get away from him, Jane,” she said softly.

She looked up and saw anguish in Jane’s eyes. “What has he done to you, Darcy?” Her broken whisper brought tears to Darcy’s eyes and she looked away, swallowing hard.

“He made me fall in love with him.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	5. Return Of The Demigod

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pleasantly surprised by the response I've received for this story. Thank you to everyone who has left kudos, you guys are great. And to those who left reviews, you have truly made my day. You have no idea what power your words have. Readers' reviews are the best thing an author could ask for. So thank you. Thank you for sticking so far with this story. Thank you for the kudos and for the amazing reviews. I have no better words to express my happiness and gratitude to you.

They reached London in the evening, expecting to see Erik waiting for them at the airport. After an hour of waiting, Jane and Darcy took a cab to Erik’s apartment. Darcy watched as Jane tried to explain the broken address to the cab driver. Her mind wandered once they had settled in the cab.

_“Were you even going to tell me?”_

_“Yes, I… ”_

_“Then why don’t I know about the packed bags in your closet?”_

_“You were so tired yesterday, I couldn’t… I was going to tell you tonight.”_

_“Ten hours before your flight?”_

_“Steve –”_

_“What’s going on, Darcy?”_

The cab lurched to a halt and Darcy looked up to see that they had reached. Erik didn’t answer the door on the first ring. After three rings, Darcy bent to check under the welcome mat and found the key. “He needs to learn to find a better hiding spot,” Jane mumbled, unlocking the door and stepping inside. Erik’s apartment, while not small in size, was a cluttered mess. There were books and papers strewn everywhere. The computer was switched on in screensaver mode.

“Where the hell is Erik?” wondered Darcy.

Jane walked up to smell the carton of milk standing on the kitchen counter. She made a face and chucked the carton in the bin. Concern welled up in her eyes.

“Don’t know but it looks like he hasn’t been home for a couple of days,” assessed Jane, looking around the mess of an apartment with a frown.

“So, what do we do now?”

“We wait.”

Darcy nodded and walked away without another word. She pushed open the first door she saw – it was a bedroom – and dragged her travel bag inside, placing it in a corner and then dropping down on the small bed. Her eyes closed and her thoughts involuntarily circled back to Steve.

_“Are you planning on returning or are you going for good?”_

_“I don’t know. For good, I hope.”_

_“I see.”_

_“You will finally have the house to yourself now.”_

_“It would seem so.”_

_“I’ll call you when I reach London.”_

_“Yeah, okay.”_

_“I’ll miss you.”_

_“I’m sure you’ll have fun in London and… forget all about me.”_

Her eyes snapped open to find Jane looking down at her and she realized she had drifted off.

“We’re going out for dinner,” announced Jane. “There’s nothing in the fridge. Half the food has gone bad.”

“Okay.”

They went to a bar and ordered fish and chips to get in the mood for London. The fish and chips didn’t help. They wondered about Erik’s whereabouts as they ate, debating whether he was missing and they should call the police or whether they should just wait for the old scientist to return. They eventually decided to wait a few more days before getting the police involved. Erik had been studying some kind of anomalies or that’s what Jane had understood from his babble over the phone, and it was a possibility that he had gone off in search for that and that he would return soon. Either way, they would get some clue from the scientific equipment he had left behind.

“How are you feeling?” Jane asked on their way to the apartment.

Darcy shrugged. “Pretty good, considering,” she replied.

“How did Steve take it?”

Jane had quietly left the house when Steve had found the bags in Darcy’s closet. She had returned late at night to find Steve stretched out on the couch and Darcy curled up on the bed, both wide awake but pretending to sleep.

“He took it really well.” A little too well for Darcy’s liking. He had been quiet, too quiet, and more than accepting of her decision. She had told him she would miss him and he had ignored it completely, she had vainly hoped that he would ask her not to go, but instead he had joked about her having fun in London and forgetting all about him.

Well, she would just have to prove him right.

“He’s going to be fine. I won’t spend my time worrying about him anymore,” she told Jane decidedly. “I’m going to change. I’m going to be the old Darcy again. Just you see.”

Jane looked unconvinced but sent her an encouraging smile nonetheless. “That’s great, Darcy.”

 

Life in London was slow and relaxed. Jane, it seemed, had stopped being an astrophysicist. Darcy never saw her doing science anymore. The only science Jane ever did was when they were cleaning the apartment on the third day and she had carefully cleaned all of Erik’s scientific equipment, pretending she wasn’t studying them while she cleaned. Darcy hadn’t expected her to later stash the equipment in a corner and then forget all about them for days to come.

They had found a page under Erik’s bed – full of equations, diagrams and a rough map of Britain – which told them that Erik had probably gone to Scotland for research. They were okay with that but what both women didn’t understand was why he had disappeared without informing them or without waiting for them. He had been the one to call Jane to London and now he had disappeared.

So both women spent most of their days sightseeing and making fun of the English. True to her word, Darcy made a handsome effort to return to normal and to forget about Steve. The distance wasn’t enough to diminish her feelings for him but it helped not seeing him every time she woke up. She dreamed about him often but she had restricted her thoughts of Steve to night time only, for her sake and for Jane’s. Jane had taken to studying Erik’s notes in a bid to figure out where in Scotland he was and Darcy mostly updated her blog, listened to songs and made sure Jane ate and had fun while she worked.

Steve never called. He had tried in the beginning but Darcy had a standing excuse of “doing important scientific research with Jane that required lots of physical activity”. He hadn’t understood her explanation but he had grasped the underlying excuse of Darcy not wanting to speak on phone. He had resorted to texting, mostly to inform her about important stuff going on with him.

He had texted when he had decided to move to D.C. and it was a surprise to Darcy that he was moving because Steve loved his little apartment in New York. A Star Wars marathon in his new home in D.C. had earned her another text. He had off-handedly mentioned living next door to a pretty nurse and Darcy had regretted asking him what his neighbors were like.

She had received another text after he had been to visit Peggy. He told her about Peggy’s condition and despite everything, Darcy felt sorry for Peggy. ‘I’m sorry, I hope you’re okay,’ she had texted back because she didn’t know what else to tell him.

And then his texts stopped.

Darcy was confused and hurt at first but she had always known that this would happen. That he would eventually forget about her and move on. So she attempted to move on as well. Because over a month had passed and she was tired of being glum.

She did not succeed in her attempts but she had become great at pretending.

And apparently, so had Jane. Because one day, rather out of the blue, Jane came home and declared that she was going on a date with a guy named Charles Edward.

“Seriously, Jane? Charles Edward? What is he, a prince?”

“He’s a magician and he’s pretty great. He pulled a penny out of my ear.”

Darcy slapped a hand to her forehead. “Jesus, Jane.”

In this way, another month passed. Jane kept going on random dates, ironically enough with guys of royal names – Charles Edward, Henry, Leopold and the latest one, Richard. And it was during her first date with Richard that one of Erik’s equipment started acting up. Darcy stared at it for a while, wondering if it was malfunctioning, then decided to just take it to Jane because she would have a better idea what to do with it.

Richard looked like an awkward curly haired teenager next to Jane but he was pretty, Darcy would give him that. She pulled up a chair beside an embarrassed Jane and her surprised date and smiled serenely.

“So, I show up to work at the lab-slash-your mom’s house,” She meant Erik’s house but Richard didn’t need to know that, also Erik _was_ kinda like Jane’s mom but Richard didn’t need to know that either, “fully expecting you to be moping around in your pajamas eating ice cream obsessing about you know who,” Did Jane think Darcy’s wouldn’t notice her secret moping routine? “But you’re not! You even showered, didn’t you? You smell good.”

“Is there a point to all this? Because there really has to be a point to all this.” Jane seemed annoyed, so Darcy internally rolled her eyes and explained,

“Right. You know that scientific equipment you don’t look at anymore? You might wanna start looking at it now…”

That, there, was where their new adventure began. Darcy and Jane, along with Darcy’s new intern, Ian, (yes, she had an intern now, he was two days old and he was a goofball, which suited Darcy just fine) followed readings from Erik’s phase meter that led them to an abandoned warehouse where things disappeared and appeared again. But then Jane disappeared and her disappearance made Thor appear.

From that point on, things basically went to hell. Jane left with Thor and, without Jane and Erik, Darcy had no idea what to do. She called S.H.I.E.L.D. several times but received no answer. She called Steve as well – desperate measures and all – but Steve never replied either. It was only when Darcy saw Erik on the news, running naked around the Stonehenge, that her anxiety settled and things started falling into place.

She didn’t have much time to make sense of anything because Thor and Jane returned with bad news and an alien ship full of Dark Elves docked in London, after which, it was pretty much war. While Thor and Malekith battled, Darcy and Ian scurried around planting Gravimetric Spikes in the ground. With these, Jane and Erik opened wormholes that made the Dark Elves disappear when they entered the wavelength of the spikes.

Darcy would never be able to forget the fear and thrill of that battle against the Dark Elves. Everything seemed surreal after Thor had succeeded and the battle was won. And once the adrenaline rush was gone from her system, Darcy felt tired and really brave about what she had done, and also kind of pleasantly surprised that she had survived. The first person she wanted to share this with was Steve but she remembered that he hadn’t received any of her calls and was probably busy with his own stuff.

Thor left again. Darcy felt she could punch the guy but what had happened had left them all drained and she didn’t have the strength to be angry with Thor anymore – he had saved their lives, again. Jane probably felt the same and maybe she was a little used to Thor leaving time and again because she didn’t behave like she had the last time. She was sad but she was okay and she didn’t try to leave Darcy again, which was a good thing because Thor returned two days later and informed them that he had renounced his throne and would be staying on Midgard henceforth.

Jane’s happiness knew no bounds. Darcy was happy, too. Jane had Thor and Darcy had Ian and everything was all right with the world again. She still ached for Steve, dreamed about him, missed his smile, craved his touch but whenever these feelings and suppressed desires returned, she distracted herself with Ian. She wanted to fall in love with Ian – it would make everything so easy – but Darcy was smart enough to know what lasts and what doesn’t… and her relationship with Ian had been doomed from the beginning. He could never match up to Steve. _No one_ could match up to Steve.

 

Her dad called on a cold Monday when Darcy and Thor were huddled together in front of the fireplace and Jane, Erik and Ian were at a physics conference. Ian, it seemed, was a better intern than Darcy. He sometimes understood what Jane and Erik were talking about. Darcy, on the other hand, was content with sitting close to Thor, imagining it was Steve next to her and not the God of Thunder.

“You care for him but he does not care for you?” Thor asked.

“Not as much as I want him to.”

“How do you know? Perhaps he is afraid, perhaps he thinks you don’t care for him,” Thor pointed out. “You left him, Darcy.”

Darcy sighed. She regretted telling him about her sad love life, but he had heard her and Jane talking about Steve the other day and he had put two and two together. What, however, he didn’t know was that the love of Darcy’s life was none other than Thor’s brother-in-arms, Captain Steve Rogers himself.

She was saved from figuring out a way to explain to him why she had left New York when her phone rang. She looked at the name on her screen.

“Weird,” Darcy said to Thor before taking the call. “What’s up, dad?”

“Hi, honey,” came her dad’s excited voice, “I’m coming to London this weekend. Wanna hang?”

“Hang?” repeated Darcy, nonplussed. “You’re coming to see me?”

“Oh. Well, I have a gig… but I’ll be free on Sunday.” Darcy nodded, her hopes of him coming to London just for her dashed. “So I was hoping we could have lunch together… catch up.”

“Yeah, sure thing, dad,” Darcy agreed reluctantly. “I’ll see you.”

“Bye, honey.” He hung up.

Thor was looking at her with raised eyebrows. “Your father?”

“Yep. He’s coming to London, and he wants to meet me. You and Jane want to come?” she asked hopefully.

“When is he coming?”

“This Saturday.”

Thor shook his head, looking sorry. “Jane is going to… uh… Paris, is it?... for a convention,” he told her. “As for me, I am expecting a friend.”

“Really, who?” asked Darcy, interested. “Sif? Fandral?”

“You haven’t met him. He’s in trouble, I believe. I couldn’t refuse when he asked to visit.”

“Oh.” Her face fell. She dreaded going to see her dad alone.

“What are you afraid of, little one?” inquired Thor. He sounded concerned and Darcy gave him a small reassuring smile.

“Nothing. I’m just seeing him after a long time.” It wasn’t the entire truth but Thor didn’t need her drama.

To Darcy’s absolute dismay, the week passed very quickly and Saturday arrived in no time. Darcy had decided to bake some brownies and vanilla cupcakes for her dad. He had a sweet tooth and Darcy didn’t know what else to give him, so she went with the easier option of baked goods.

Jane left for Paris at noon. Erik and Ian left for the library soon after, citing research, and Darcy was left alone with her anxiety. Taking pity on her, Thor later joined her in the kitchen and helped her with the baking. She was thankful for his company, otherwise she would go crazy. They ended up making half a dozen batches of brownies.

“These are exceptionally good, Darcy,” Thor said, popping one into his mouth.

“Let’s hope my dad shares your opinion.”

“Why would he not?”

Darcy didn’t answer and went about putting the icing on the cupcakes. She noticed Thor set aside a batch for Jane and another batch for his mysterious friend who was arriving in the evening and she couldn’t help the smile his actions drew from her. For a thunder God, he was awfully soft on the inside.

Once they were done, Darcy placed the brownies and cupcakes in a large container and told Thor that she was going to get some shut-eye. But she was so tired from all the baking and anxiety that she fell asleep and woke up directly in the morning. She hadn’t slept well, falling in and out of consciousness, and at one point, she remembered her room door opening and then closing after a while. She figured it was Thor or Ian checking up on her.

She woke up at eight and spent an inordinate amount of time getting ready, trying to look her best. Her dad was staying at the Hilton and Darcy had decided she would take her truck. The house was eerily silent as she made her way to the kitchen to retrieve the container full of her hard work. There was a note on the fridge from Thor saying that he had gone to Asgard and would return in a few short hours. He had asked Ian to look after his friend. A glance at the closed guest room door meant that the so-called friend was still sleeping. Darcy stuck her note next to Thor’s, mentioning her whereabouts and reminding her housemates that she was having lunch with her dad.

Her truck stood in the driveway, its windows frosted over. Darcy groaned and walked up to it, running her fingers over the cold glass. She was placing the container in the back seat when a familiar feeling of apprehension washed over her and she turned back to look at the house. She felt like she was being watched but the door to the apartment was closed and no one was peeking out of the window either. She looked to her right and then she looked to her left… and her eyes widened.

For standing there, just a few feet away, bundled up in an overcoat, was Steve.

She watched him, wondering if she was dreaming. He walked up to her and spoke.

“Hello, Darcy.”

She jumped a little. So he was real. He was really there. He was in London. _Shit_.

“Steve.” Her voice broke; she cleared her throat and tried again. “How… what are you doing here?”

Her eyes raked over him, taking in his appearance, breathing him in. God, he was as handsome as ever. The Steve in her dreams didn’t do justice to the man standing before her. There was a small cut under his right eye and the skin surrounding it was slightly inflamed and red, but other than that, he looked fine, stronger and bulkier than the last time she had seen him, but fine… and healthy… and alive… and _here_. Her heart pounded and her fingers twitched with the desire to touch him.

He was looking at her in confusion. “Jane didn’t tell you I was coming?”

“Jane’s in Paris.”

“No, I mean, I called her a week ago. Asked her if I could… uh… visit.” He looked uncomfortable. “You had no idea, did you?”

Darcy shook her head, at a loss for words. How could Jane have done this to her? How could she not have told Darcy? How could she NOT bloody prepare her for Steve’s arrival? _Damn you, Jane!_

“Why didn’t you call me?” Because it hurt that he had called Jane and not her.

“I couldn’t reach you,” he said, and Darcy remembered resentfully blocking his number after her numerous unsuccessful attempts to contact him.

Something fell into place in her brain and she blinked at Steve.

“You’re the mysterious friend Thor was expecting.” She had assumed it would be someone from Asgard.

“I guess.”

“You were supposed to come yesterday.”

“I did. You were asleep. I checked.” He paused and stepped closer as if to hug her. “I missed you.”

Before she could comprehend and appreciate the meaning of his words, someone called her name and Darcy looked towards the apartment to see Ian walking towards the duo.

“Hi, babe,” he greeted, planting a kiss on her lips. “Leaving so early?”

Darcy nodded uneasily. She could feel Steve’s eyes on them and she desperately wanted Ian to go away. It would help if Steve went away as well and she could be left alone to understand what was going on and why Steve was in London and had he really missed her? She closed her eyes, hoping to be in bed when she opened them. No such luck.

“So you met Steve,” Ian was saying, smiling kindly at Steve. “He’s Thor’s friend. He came last night when you were sleeping.”

Darcy remained silent, not knowing what to say. She chanced a glance at Steve, who was staring at the two of them with an unreadable expression on his face.

Ian continued speaking. “I’m sorry I can’t accompany you to see your dad. I have to study for my exams, you understand that, right?”

Darcy nodded absently, barely having heard him. Her entire focus was on Steve, even though she was avoiding his gaze as best as she could. She had almost forgotten how hard it was to think clearly when Steve was around, how hard it was to concentrate on anything but his striking presence beside her.

“Thanks. Come home soon.” Ian squeezed her hand before letting go and turning to Steve. “Come on in, I’ll fix you some breakfast.”

“I already ate,” said Steve, not even sparing Ian a glance. Ian shrugged and went inside with a final wave.

“Someone’s in a bad mood,” observed Darcy, letting out a nervous laugh. “Who kicked your puppy?”

Ignoring her lame attempt at a joke, Steve asked, “You’re going to see your father?”

Darcy swallowed. “Yeah. He had a gig in the city. He invited me over for lunch.”

“Why did you ask Ian to go with you?”

Darcy felt mildly surprised by his questioning. “I just needed the company. I asked Jane and Thor as well but Jane had to go to Paris and Thor wanted to stay behind to entertain his friend.” She paused and raised her eyebrows at him. “I find it strange that he went to Asgard, leaving you here.”

“He left at my behest. I want his help to find someone,” Steve replied mysteriously.

Darcy wanted to ask him more about it but one glance at her watch told her that she should make a move on. She looked at Steve apologetically. “I have to go now, but we’ll catch up when I get back and you can tell me all about it,” she said with a small smile.

She made to open the car door when Steve grabbed her arm. She looked down at his hand and then at him.

“Do you mind if I come with you?” he asked. “It’s been a while and I want… I mean, you said you want company, so…” He trailed away uncertainly.

“Yes,” blurted Darcy unthinkingly.

It wasn’t until she was backing out of the driveway that she realized what she had agreed to. It wasn’t exactly a bad thing, Steve meeting her dad. In fact, she was pretty sure her dad would love him but she had sworn that she would stay away from Steve, save herself the heartache, and here she was, agreeing to spend an entire afternoon with him at the first possible opportunity.

Darcy decided she had a weak heart, a very weak heart.

“So how’s the pretty neighbor?” Darcy flinched at the words out of her mouth. She had not meant to ask that at all. She had wanted to know how he was, but with her surprise at finding him there and her discomfort at Steve witnessing Ian and Darcy together made her remember that text he had sent her weeks ago, telling her he had a pretty nurse living next door to him. The basic truth of the matter was that she was just trying to find out if he had gotten himself a girlfriend or not.

Steve looked perplexed by her question, as if he didn’t quite know what she was talking about. His brow furrowed and he was silent for a bit before nodding in comprehension. “You mean Sharon? She’s fine, I think. I asked her out on Natasha’s insistence,” he said casually. “She turned out to be a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. Nat thinks it’s cool, that it shouldn’t matter. As for me, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to it.”

“Right.” So he _did_ have a girlfriend. Well, good for him. She had always known he would find someone. Now Darcy would be able to move on and –

Oh, who was she kidding? She felt hurt, depressed and betrayed. Why she felt betrayed, she had no idea, but she understood the hurt and the burning feeling of jealousy coursing through her veins, making her hate fake Nurse Sharon.

It was funny how even after two years, she hadn’t gotten used to the heartache.

“How have you been?” she ground out, trying to push down the coil of emotions in her chest and pretending to be normal and happy for him.

“Good,” he replied promptly. “I’ve been going on missions with Natasha…”

Ah yes, the infamous Natasha Romanoff. Steve went on missions with her a lot. Darcy foolishly wondered who he liked more – Sharon or Natasha.

“… and we brought down S.H.I.E.L.D. a month ago.”

She turned to him so fast, her neck creaked. “What?” she squeaked in surprise. “Brought down… shit what?”

The truck swerved dangerously and Steve shouted, “Eyes on the road, Darcy!”

“Yes. Fuck, I’m sorry,” she breathed, ignoring the cursing of the car driver behind her as he sped past. “What are you talking about? Tell me what happened!”

The story of S.H.I.E.L.D.’s fall sounded shocking at worst and unreal at best. Darcy listened raptly as Steve recited the events to her, telling her about the HYDRA uprising, the mysterious Winter Soldier, being on the run with Natasha as fugitives, making a new friend – Sam Wilson – and finally the fight on the helicarrier and the destruction of the Triskelion.

“Oh God! How don’t I know all this?” Darcy couldn’t believe she had missed a chunk of something this big going on in D.C. while she was dealing with Dark Elves in London.

Wait.

Another puzzle piece fell into place in her brain and she looked at Steve, her eyes wide. “I called you,” she said, realization dawning. “Several times. I called S.H.I.E.L.D. but I got no reply.” Now she knew why nobody received her calls. They had been dealing with a situation of their own.

“Yeah, I’m sorry about not calling you back.” He looked unreasonably contrite. “I know what went down here… Thor told me. I should have been here.”

“You better not be feeling guilty about this, Steve,” said Darcy warningly. “You were fighting your own battle. You didn’t know. You couldn’t have been here.”

“I saw the footage of you _right_ in the middle of all the action… surrounded by danger!” His voice was an intense mixture of amazement and remorse and Darcy didn’t know if she should feel happy or angry.

“Yes but I’m fine,” she said gently. “We’re all alive and that’s what matters.”

He looked away and did not reply. Darcy realized that she had been going around in circles while Steve talked, so they had been driving for the past quarter of an hour and still hadn’t reached Hilton. She stepped on the pedal and the truck went flying down the road. Steve looked at her in alarm.

“Are you okay?” he asked her. Darcy nodded, eyes on the road. “Then slow down, will you?”

“We were supposed to reach fifteen minutes ago!” She noticed Steve put on his seat belt and smiled mischievously. “Awww, is wittle Steve scared of some speed?”

Steve snorted. “I’m Captain America. I’m not scared of anything.”

Darcy laughed. She marveled at how easy it had always been to talk to him. Well, not always. But he had a knack for being able to diffuse the tension in her with his deadpan humor. She was afraid to admit it but she was glad that he was here in London.

“Way to be humble, Steve.”

They reached Hilton in another five minutes and Steve got off immediately. “Your driving is a menace,” he told her.

“Admit you had fun.”

Hilton was beautiful. Darcy looked around at the hotel in awe. She had never stayed in an A-list hotel before. They walked past the lobby, straight into the elevators. Darcy turned to Steve. “Who’s Thor helping you find?” she asked curiously.

“The Winter Soldier.”

His words gave her a pause. It was not what he said (which was pretty suspicious in itself) but it was the way he said it, like it physically hurt him to say the name and even though his face was carefully blank, Darcy could hear the stress in his voice.

“Why?” she asked, studying him closely. “He tried to kill you.”

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard.

“Steve, what aren’t you telling me?”

He wouldn’t look at her. “He saved me.”

“Who, the Winter Soldier?” His lack of response prompted her to ask another question. “Who is the Winter Soldier?”

He looked at her then and Darcy knew she wouldn’t like the answer.


	6. A Night To Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Natasha Romanoff - "Was that your first kiss since 1945?"  
> Steve Rogers - "I'm 95, not dead."  
> ~ Captain America: The Winter Soldier

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Darcy was still looking at Steve expectantly, so he placed a hand on her back and gave a little push. “Now’s not the time or place to talk about this,” he murmured, his eyes pleading her not to argue further.

She bit her lip but nodded. She had a bad feeling about all of this but once they reached her dad’s door, her previous nervousness at seeing him returned and all thoughts of the Winter Soldier left her mind. Her fingers clutched the brownie container with enough force that her knuckles turned white. She looked up when Steve nudged her. A small encouraging smile graced his lips and Darcy nodded. She could do this, it was just her dad, and it would be fine.

The door opened on the second knock to reveal a man in his fifties beaming at them. His surprise at seeing a man by his daughter’s side did not cause his smile to falter. On the contrary, once his eyes unabashedly roved over Steve’s person, his smile brightened even more and he beckoned them inside.

“Hi daddy,” greeted Darcy, handing him the box of brownies and cupcakes. “These are for you.”

He opened the lid and peeked inside, smiling at its contents. “Thanks, sweetie. How are you?”

Darcy accepted a side hug and kiss on the forehead from her dad. “I’m fine. Daddy, this is Steve. Steve, this is my dad, Jacob Lewis.”

Steve grabbed the proffered hand and gave it a firm shake. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Lewis.”

“Likewise, Steve.” Darcy felt a nudge on her side and her dad whispered, rather loudly, defeating the purpose of the whisper, “Your boyfriend, then?”

For a second, Darcy wanted to say yes, that Steve really was her boyfriend. She could see what her dad saw – a tall, broad shouldered and absolutely dazzling man standing there with his blue eyes gaping wide, blonde hair shining in the light and his overcoat draped over his arm. Steve was truly a sight to behold. He turned his wide-eyed stare to Darcy, waiting for her to respond, the twinkle in his eye telling her that he wouldn’t mind playing along if Darcy decided to lie for whatever reason.

She knew Steve being her boyfriend would make her dad proud of her, maybe prove to him that she was not as boring as he had always thought she was, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t lie, because it would probably hurt her more than it would dishearten her dad.

“No. Steve’s just my friend,” she said out loud.

“Oh,” said Jacob, sounding predictably disappointed. “Well, have a seat. Would you both like something to drink?”

Steve shook his head and Darcy asked for a beer.

“I hope you haven’t gotten used to the cheap beer, Darcy,” her dad said, pulling out a bottle from the fridge. “This is the good stuff, the _expensive_ stuff.”

“What do you mean?” Darcy asked, taking the bottle from him.

“Well, I understand your line of work doesn’t offer much in the way of taking care of your material needs,” her dad explained, his tone soft and slow, almost pitying in its quality. “You must be facing problems buying nice clothes let alone good alcohol.”

Color rose up Darcy’s cheeks. “You don’t think I’m wearing nice clothes?” she asked and instead of sounding defiant, she just sounded hurt.

“Awww of course not, sweetie. Your clothes are fine,” her dad said, patting her shoulder. “Totally fine for a science intern. Right, Steve?”

Darcy looked at Steve to see him ground out a terse ‘yes’. Satisfied, her dad turned away and walked over to the room phone. “I’ll order us some room service, please make yourselves at home,” he called.

Darcy brought the beer bottle to her lips, closing her eyes and taking a swig. She felt something touch her hand and looked down to see the back of Steve’s hand brushing hers in a gesture of support. She shot him a grateful look and pointed to the sofa. He nodded and they settled themselves next to each other on the plush red sofa, Darcy making sure to keep a respectable distance between them.

“It’s so cold outside, I thought we’d have lunch in the suite,” uttered Jacob, coming over and taking a seat on the armchair opposite them. “I hope that’s okay. Steve?” he asked, not asking Darcy at all.

Steve shrugged and subtly shifted closer to Darcy.

“So what do you do, Steve?”

“Security detail,” replied Steve without missing a beat.

“I bet it’s for famous people, right?” Jacob winked. “Top secret stuff.”

Steve just smiled, deciding against responding. Darcy merely took another big loud gulp, causing her dad to give her a look of disapproval. He probably thought she was embarrassing him in front of Steve.

“How did you two meet then?” prodded Jacob, turning back to Steve, his smile returning full swing.

When Darcy didn’t reply immediately, Steve spoke up, “A man bumped into her on the road and I helped her up.”

Jacob laughed aloud. “That’s my Darcy. Always running into things,” he looked fondly at Darcy. “You’ve always been clumsy, haven’t you?”

“No, dad, I haven’t.”

“But you were always walking into walls and dropping stuff at home.”

Darcy stared at him. “That was our housemaid, Emily.”

Her dad paused, bemused. “Oh,” he said, frowning slightly. “Well, she did look like you a lot, so you can understand what caused the mix-up.”

Darcy nodded. “Of course.” She did not have the heart to tell him that Emily had been a blonde and Darcy was a brunette. Her dad would probably just make up another excuse to cover up his mistake.

Jacob smiled. “I ordered sushi and some kind of Japanese noodle soup. You guys like sushi?”

Steve fumbled. Darcy didn’t think he had ever tasted sushi before. She nodded for the both of them. “Sure, dad.” Anything seemed fine at the moment because Darcy hadn’t had breakfast and her stomach was growling.

The trio maintained an awkward, stilted conversation till the food came. Her dad, it seemed, was the only one having fun, asking them questions about their life and making random inappropriate remarks and asking Darcy about the alien invasion because he still thought that Darcy had been in New York for the incident. At one point, Jacob got up and retrieved the container Darcy had brought for him. He offered a brownie to Steve and took one for himself. Darcy watched in anticipation as he took the first bite.

“These are regular brownies, aren’t they?” he asked, peering at the piece of confectionery in his hand.

Darcy nodded. “You like?”

“What happened to those caramel flavored ones you used to make? Those are so much better.”

“Yeah… sorry.” She looked down at the bottle in her hands. “I’ll make them for you next time we meet.”

“I like it,” Steve spoke up, gesturing to the half eaten brownie in his hand. “It’s really good, Darcy.”

“Of course, of course,” her dad backtracked. “These are good, too. I wasn’t trying to… I hope you’re not upset, pumpkin.” He rolled his eyes at Steve. “Girls, right?”

Steve gaped at him and then turned to Darcy, his eyes silently questioning her if this was normal. She shrugged and looked away, taking another swig of beer. She had hit bottom. Before she could ask for a second bottle, their room service arrived and Jacob directed them to the small dining table in the corner by the window. The view from the window calmed Darcy a bit.

The sushi was not terrible but the speed with which Steve was eating confirmed to Darcy that he did not like it at all. He was polite enough to not make a face but he did down two glasses of orange juice to get rid of the taste in his mouth. Darcy couldn’t help but be amused. Her dad upheld the conversation, telling them about his work in LA and bragging about the celebrities he met on a regular basis.

“Speaking of celebrities, I was asked to do a photo shoot of Tony Stark – you know, Iron Man? – a month or so ago,” he told them, “But it was cancelled because of what happened in D.C. Pretty sad, huh?”

Darcy nodded in agreement. “Yeah, a lot of people were injured and there was quite a bit of destruction.”

“Sure, of course, but I was talking about the shoot being cancelled,” her dad said, taking a dainty sip of his orange juice. “I’d have loved to meet Iron Man. Pretty amazing people, the Avengers. My favorite, though, is Captain America.”

Steve coughed loudly and Darcy bit back a smile.

“I’ve been trying to get my contacts to arrange a meeting with Captain America. Time magazine has been wanting to do a piece on him forever. It would be so cool if I could do the photo shoot, you know.”

“So cool,” Darcy agreed, earning a sharp poke from Steve under the table. She ignored him. “Why can’t you, daddy?”

“He’s in hiding, isn’t he?” Jacob said immediately. “He did some bad things, I guess. But I’ve heard he doesn’t really mingle much. Keeps to himself. Nobody’s seen him and no one knows where he lives. It’s all political, if you ask me.” Darcy suppressed a snort. She would eat her shoe if anything about Steve was political. He tended to stay away from politics at all costs. Her dad continued, “I don’t really care. All I care about is that he’s a superhero and he’s big and strong and would look beautiful in my photos.”

“Maybe he’s really ugly, dad,” Darcy contested impishly. She turned to wink at Steve, who was glaring at her openly.

“How would you know, honey? You’ve never even met the guy.”

“Maybe he’s my friend, maybe I’m dating him.”

The expression on her dad’s face, no matter how brief, was worth the embarrassment of saying something like that in front of Steve.

“You…” her dad began in surprise, narrowing his eyes at Darcy. Then his face relaxed and he laughed out loud. “You almost gave me a heart attack there, Darcy girl. Captain America dating my little girl?” His fork cluttered down on the plate in his mirth. “Like that’s something that’s ever going to happen.”

Darcy’s smile faltered. Beside her, Steve had gone still.

“Captain America would probably go for someone classy and beautiful, sweetie. I think college boys are your best bet. Yeah?” he smiled, wiping a happy tear from his eye.

“Yeah,” Darcy echoed. “You’re right.”

“I disagree.”

She turned to Steve in surprise. He had been understandably silent throughout the conversation. Her dad also looked interested.

Steve continued, looking straight at the older man. “I think Darcy is a wonderful person and she can have any man she wants.”

“Uh… yes,” her dad said after a beat, looking uncomfortable. “Of course. I was just being realistic. Darcy knows her place, don’t you, Darcy?”

Steve shook his head but didn’t speak further. His hands shook as he ate his soup. Darcy tried to catch his eye. She felt a rush of affection for him for intervening and calling her a wonderful person. He had spoken up against her dad, something that Darcy had never been able to do despite her independent personality. Jacob Lewis had always made her feel inadequate and foolish, she was used to it and there was nothing she could do about it. He wasn’t doing it on purpose. That was just how her dad was.

“Here, Steve, have some more sushi.” Apparently, he was trying to lighten the atmosphere by being more friendly and hospitable.

Steve’s eyes widened and he shook his head. “No, sir, I’m done, thank you.”

“Oh no, I insist, young man,” smiled Jacob, placing more food in Steve’s plate. “I’ve ordered so much. Don’t be shy.”

Steve put on a brave face and ate a bite. “Thanks,” he said, his voice husky and barely contained. Darcy felt sorry for him.

She ate quickly and made a show of checking the time. “Oh my, it’s so late, dad. I’ve to be back for work,” she lied.

“Work on Sunday?” her dad asked with a frown.

Darcy bit the inside of her cheek. _Shit._

“Well, not everyone can be lucky, I guess,” shrugged Jacob, as if he understood her predicament. Darcy almost had a sixth sense about what he would say next. “You wouldn’t be working on weekends if you had completed your college graduation, Darcy.”

Darcy resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “I like working with Jane, daddy.”

She wiped her lips with a napkin and got up. Better to get out before a lecture about proper education began.

“If you had just listened to me and taken up a photography course, you’d be enjoying life with me right now. But no, you had to listen to your mom and sign up for a boring politics and science degree.”

“Sorry, dad, but we really have to go,” insisted Darcy, tugging on Steve’s arm, even though he was walking to the door just as fast as she was.

Jacob Lewis followed them. “Well, all right then. It was nice to see you, honey. We’ll meet soon, yes?”

He grasped Steve’s hand and said, “It was a pleasure to meet you, Steve. I’m sorry about the lack of dessert. This one,” he added, motioning to Darcy, “needs to lose some weight, don’t you agree?”

He laughed, patting his daughter’s head fondly. “I’ll miss you, Darcy girl.”

“Sure you will, dad,” croaked Darcy, her face flushing with humiliation. “See you.”

She silently followed Steve back to the elevator and stood in the corner, looking down. She was sorry she had brought him with her. Her dad was far from terrible but he was a handful. She chanced a glance at Steve and couldn’t guess what he was thinking. He was looking straight ahead, his expression hard.

“I’m sorry,” she said softly, fiddling her thumbs. “I shouldn’t have brought you.”

He didn’t say anything. The elevator stopped and they walked side by side through the lobby. Darcy brushed her hand against his just like he had done earlier but he did not react.

“Are you mad?” she asked when they had reached her truck.

He looked at her then. “Parents shouldn’t speak to their children like that,” he stated, opening the door and sliding in the truck.

Darcy stood there for a second, staring after him, her heart beating a mile per minute.

They didn’t say much during their drive home. As a way of apology, Darcy bought Steve a sandwich that he was munching away quietly beside her.

“Can we stop there for a bit?” he asked when he spotted a garden in the distance.

Darcy nodded and parked the truck outside the garden. She had never been there. It was very pretty, the trees and ground were covered in a thin layer of snow. They settled down on a bench, Darcy leaning her back against it and Steve stretched out with his head in her lap. It all felt so familiar to Darcy, so much like home that her heart ached and eyes stung. If she concentrated enough, she could imagine that they were in Steve’s New York apartment, on his bed, at night, just the two of them…

Steve’s eyes were closed and she assumed he had fallen asleep. Her fingers absently brushed his hair as her eyes swept over the landscape surrounding them, her mind taking nothing in. She was too preoccupied with thoughts of the time spent earlier with her dad. Not for the first time Darcy wondered how different she would have been if she had stayed with her dad instead of her mom. If her dad would have loved her more or if she would have been more interesting to him.

She hadn’t been given much choice though, had she? Jacob Lewis had just left one day and no one had asked Darcy what she wanted.

“Darcy?”

She blinked and looked down at Steve to see her hand resting on his chest. Her eyes widened in horror. She had strayed past the respectable territory again, stroking her fingers down his jaw and to his chest, just like she sometimes used to do when she thought he was fast asleep. This time, though, she had not realized she was doing it.

Steve gently plucked her hand from his chest and placed it on his forehead where it should have been all along. Darcy pulled both her hands back as if she had been burned.

“Shit! I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t know…”

“It’s fine,” Steve interrupted, his voice strangely rough. “It felt nice, but… um…”

Darcy nodded frantically, remembering he had a girlfriend, remembering her vow of self-control. “Yeah, no, it was out of line. I’m sorry.”

He watched her, his gaze unwavering and his expression speculative. It made her uncomfortable, so she looked away.

“I think we should go,” she mumbled. “Thor must be back.”

He raised himself into a sitting position beside her but made no move to get up. “Bucky’s alive,” he said abruptly.

“Who?” asked Darcy, confused. “Our Bucky?” But wait, that wasn’t possible, was it?

At his nod, her jaw dropped. “ _Our_ Bucky,” he said with a fond smile. Darcy didn’t know if the fondness was for Bucky or because of her slip-up. But Steve had told her so much about his best friend that Darcy almost felt like she knew him, like he was her best friend too.

“But how is that possible?”

“He was frozen, like I was.”

“I don’t understand.” This sounded too good to be true.

“He was brainwashed by HYDRA and turned into an asset,” Steve revealed. “He’s been assassinating people all this time while I was asleep.” A heavy weight set in the pit of Darcy’s stomach.

“What?” she squeaked.

“He doesn’t remember me, Darcy. He almost killed me!” There was so much anguish in his voice that Darcy couldn’t stop herself from leaning forward and touching him.

They were sitting there talking about Bucky, as if it wasn’t unusual at all. Bucky had been dead and now he was suddenly alive… and this moment, Steve telling her about it, everything about it felt so surreal, like she was dreaming, that Darcy didn’t know how else to respond. She was having a hard time wrapping her head around the fact that Bucky Barnes was alive.

“Is he the Winter Soldier?” she guessed.

Steve nodded.

“Is he okay?”

“I don’t know. That’s why I requested Thor to ask Heimdall about him. He mentioned something about it last time we were together.”

Darcy nodded. “You need all the help tracking him down.”

“Yeah.”

They sat there in silence, Darcy feeling completely stunned by the bomb Steve had dropped on her and Steve unseeingly watching the surroundings, his thoughts far away.

A while later, Darcy realized she was still touching him and she quickly pulled back from his knee. “Let’s go,” she whispered, getting up and absently dusting herself off. Steve followed suit. They silently walked back to the truck and climbed in. The drive home was quick. Thor bearing good news or not was the main question in both their minds.

“Steven,” Thor greeted, opening the apartment door. “I have been awaiting your return.”

Deciding to give Steve and Thor a little privacy considering what they were going to talk about, Darcy pushed past the demigod and made her way to the room Erik and Ian shared. Surrounded by a tottering pile of books, sat Ian, his nose buried in one tome, index finger underlining the lines he was reading. Darcy stepped over his textbooks and planted a light kiss on his cheek.

“Hey intern.”

“Oh hey,” said Ian, looking up briefly. “How did it go with your dad?”

“Okay, I guess. Are you taking a break any time soon?”

“I will if you want me to,” he said, but his attention was still in the book and his index finger kept moving.

“Never mind, I’ll be in my room when you decide to stop studying.”

Steve and Thor were in Thor and Jane’s room, speaking in low voices. She glimpsed a bit of Steve’s face through the slit in the door. He had his head in his hands, which could only mean that either Thor hadn’t succeeded in finding Bucky, or else he had and Bucky wasn’t fine. Darcy sighed and averted her eyes. Why couldn’t their lives be simple and their relationships uncomplicated? She wondered, throwing herself on her bed and staring at the ceiling like it had the answers to all her questions. She hated feeling anxious, she hated being scared and worried for Steve and she hated that he could never catch a break. Their lives were one disaster after another and she was tired of it.

She decided she needed a break. She supposed all of them did.

Dinner was a silent affair. Erik had returned from wherever he had disappeared to and the first thing he did was envelop Darcy in a hug.

“Not that I’m complaining but why do you suddenly show love?” she joked into his shoulder.

He pulled back and Darcy saw his eyes flicker behind her to where Steve and Thor were sitting at the dining table. “He’s here,” he said softly, “and I hope you’re all right.”

Darcy shrugged, trying to act nonchalant. “Why shouldn’t I be?”

Erik smirked and looked like he knew exactly what she was doing. He had known about Steve since the day Darcy and Steve had visited him at the facility after Jane’s departure. At that time, he had been too out of it to put two and two together. It took him months to register that they were living together and after they had moved to London, Jane had spilled the beans like the little shit she was. It was a wonder Jane had not told Thor yet. But Darcy had a feeling that Thor wouldn’t let it go so easily. He would ask questions, wanting to understand everything and then he would want Darcy to talk to Steve, because that is how one resolved issues according to Thor.

That night, after everyone had confined themselves to their respective rooms and Darcy was rereading The Bell Jar because she was feeling inexplicably depressed and she wanted a reason to feel depressed, there was a soft knock on her door and she nervously called ‘it’s open’ knowing that it could only be one person wanting to talk to her at this time of the night.

Her door opened a slit and Steve peered in, his eyes searching the room as if expecting someone else to be there with Darcy and when he saw her lying alone on the bed reading, his face visibly relaxed and he stepped in fully.

“Hi,” he said, looking around her room with interest. The shelf on the wall was filled with photos of her and Jane, her and Ian, and her with her two favorite scientists – Jane and Erik. There was one of Thor and Jane as well which Ian had photobombed. There was another shelf that was full of books and magazines.

“You and… uh…” he had difficulty saying the name, “don’t share a room?”

“How easy do you think I am?” asked Darcy teasingly, although she couldn’t fathom why he even cared.

“No, that is not what I…” He looked contrite. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine. I shared a room with you so it’s a valid question, I guess.” He looked as uncomfortable as Darcy felt. “So what’s up?” She sat up, closing The Bell Jar and placing it on her pillow. “What did Thor say? Did Heimdall find Bucky?”

Steve perched at the edge of her bed and ran his hand through his hair in agitation. “Not Bucky. He found the Winter Soldier. Apparently, Bucky is still struggling with his memories,” he told her.

“Something like this takes time, Steve,” she soothed. “You can help him though, can’t you?”

“That’s just it, he doesn’t want to be helped. Thor says Bucky’s in Romania right now and he’s in hiding,” he paused and inhaled deeply, as if the action would give him strength. “He says I shouldn’t look for him.”

Darcy pursed her lips. “Thor said that?” Thor never just said anything without a solid reason. If he said Steve shouldn’t look for Bucky, then, Darcy decided, he shouldn’t. “Maybe he isn’t ready to be found,” she said out loud. “Maybe he isn’t ready to see you.”

Steve shook his head. “You don’t understand. I can’t just give up on him, Darce. He’s been through so much.”

“Steve.”

“He needs me!”

“Why don’t you let him decide that,” Darcy opined firmly. “Let him come to you.”

“What if he doesn’t?” He looked so unsure of himself, Darcy’s heart went out to him.

“Of course he will, Steve. He’s with you till the end of line, remember?” That earned her a small smile. “A friendship like that can’t be erased by some stupid terrorist technology.”

He mulled over her words for a while, studying her to see if she truly believed what she had said, then nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Darcy almost smiled before he added stubbornly, “But I won’t stop looking for him.”

She chuckled. She hadn’t expected any less from him. “Okay.”

His phone dinged and he read the text message with a frown. “She keeps sending me inappropriate jokes,” he told Darcy with an exasperated sigh, as if she was supposed to know who he was talking about. “I’ve told her time and again I don’t find them funny.”

“Sharon?” Darcy asked, trying and failing to keep her voice normal.

He gave her a strange look. “No, Natasha.”

“Right, of course.”

“I think she just enjoys my discomfort.”

Darcy did not know what to say to that. All she cared about was why was he still sitting in her room and more importantly, when he would go back to D.C. so that she could continue to try to forget about him and get on with her life.

She realized she was staring at him, so she cleared her throat and asked, “Leaving tomorrow, then?”

He cocked his head to the side, clearly amused. “Why, trying to get rid of me so soon?”

Darcy flushed. “No, of course not. I thought, since you’ve talked to Thor and you know where Bucky is, that you’d want to…”

“That I’d want to leave?” he finished. “You think I’m just here for Bucky?”

“Are you laying low then?” Because there was no other reason why he would want to stay in London, unless he liked Thor’s company so much that he couldn’t imagine parting from him. But Darcy knew that wasn’t true. Steve and Thor may have fought together but they weren’t that close. Thor spoke highly of Steve, but Steve never talked about the demigod or any other Avenger for that matter. He went on missions with Natasha and seemed to dislike Tony a bit (which was funny) but that was the extent of Darcy’s knowledge about his relationship with the Avengers.

He was silent for a while, his eyes fixed on the hands on his lap, and Darcy wondered what he was thinking.

“Maybe,” he said finally. Then he stood up abruptly, making Darcy jump. “I’m sorry for keeping you up. I… Good night, Darcy.”

Darcy stared as he made his way out of the room, closing the door behind him without a backward glance. As soon as he was gone, she buried her face in her pillow and screamed.

 

Jane returned on Monday to find a furious Darcy sitting in her and Thor’s room, drawing inappropriate things on Jane’s white pillow with a marker pen. She jumped on Darcy immediately, snatching the pillow from her grasp and studying it in disbelief.

“Why?” she cried. “Why would you do this?”

“Why didn’t you tell me about Steve?” countered Darcy.

Jane’s look of disbelief melted into an expression of guilt. Darcy glared at her.

“What were you thinking, Jane? Why didn’t you tell me? I almost had a heart attack when I saw him!”

“I’m sorry, Darcy,” mumbled Jane, “But would you have stayed if I’d told you?”

Darcy started. “What do you mean by that?” she accused.

Jane bit her lip and looked away, her eyes scanning the room as if looking for an answer to Darcy’s question. “I mean,” she explained finally, “that if I had informed you of his impending visit, would you have stayed here?” She didn’t wait for Darcy to reply. “No, you would have tried to run away.”

“That’s not true. I don’t run,” Darcy contested defensively.

“Then what are you doing in London, Darcy?”

“Jane, we’ve had this conversation before.”

“Why were you so eager to elope to London with me? Because as I see it, you don’t like it here much.” Jane paused to raise her eyebrows. “Do you?”

“What on earth are you on about?” Darcy bit out in frustration. “Last I remember, _you_ were the one talking about a fresh start for the both of us. You agreed that nothing could ever happen between us. So why are you saying all this to me now? Why are you questioning me?”

“I’m questioning you because if I don’t then who will? I agreed because I was emotional and insecure. I was thinking about Thor and how he left me twice and I had convinced myself that maybe it was because I was an average human not worthy of his love,” Jane admitted quietly, echoing Darcy’s feelings about her and Steve. “But he came back and he still loves me! Don’t you see? I was wrong about Thor and me. And I could be wrong about you too, Darcy.”

“Jane, do _not_ compare my relationship to Steve with your relationship to Thor,” Darcy said through gritted teeth. “Both are poles apart. You know our story. You _know_ why we’ll never be together. And dammit Jane, you should have told me he was coming!”

“Look, I’m sorry. You are right. We’ve had this conversation before, but that doesn’t mean that I have to like it, especially if it involves you running away like a coward rather than just face how you feel!”

“Fucking hell, Jane! Listen to what you’re saying!”

“Is it so wrong? Is it so criminally wrong what I’m saying?” Jane demanded, her voice rising. “I’m just asking you to take a chance, just like I asked you that night in NYC.”

Darcy closed her eyes tight and shook her head, as if she was forcibly trying to not hear the words Jane was saying, as if shaking her head hard enough would make this conversation end.

“No, no, no! God, Jane, you know I can’t. You _know_! He does not think of me like that.” She had reached a point where she put emphasis on each and every word to make Jane understand how crazy her suggestions sounded. “And you know what, he has a girlfriend now. Some S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who’s apparently his neighbor.”

Jane heard the bitterness in Darcy’s voice and shook her head. She took deep leveling breaths and the fight seemed to fade out of her tiny body. Darcy didn’t know why Jane was so angry about this or what she was trying to prove with this.

“Whatever, Darcy,” said Jane tiredly. “I agreed to let him visit because he needs Thor’s help with something. Deal with it. He’ll be out of your hair within a few days.”

But Steve didn’t leave in a few days. He stayed for over two weeks before they got the call to assemble again. In the mean time, he kept getting updates from Tony Stark about Loki’s stolen scepter and shared them with Thor whenever they were alone. Darcy only knew about this little tidbit because she barged in on them once on the pretense of serving them coffee.

She mostly tried to keep herself busy so that she wouldn’t be roped into showing Steve around or spending time with him. She left the hospitality to Thor and Jane, preferring to spend her days reading novels in Ian’s room, knowing that Steve would never enter that territory as freely as he did Darcy’s room. Plus, it really bothered her that he received dozens of messages almost daily and Darcy was sure that, while some of them were work related, the rest were from Natasha… or Sharon… or both. She couldn’t tell. All she knew was that Steve flushed red every time he read their messages and would then proceed to avoid eye contact with everyone in the room.

Her suspicions were confirmed when Jane playfully asked him if Tony Stark was sending him porn. Steve, if possible, had gone redder and mumbled out the reason behind his phone going off so often.

“It’s Natasha. She wants to know something about me.”

“Something inappropriate, I bet,” Darcy couldn’t help but say drily.

“And when Natasha wants something, she’s like a dog with a bone. She’ll keep prodding until I tell her.”

Thor laughed. “Share your dilemma with us, Captain Rogers. Perhaps we can be of assistance.”

Steve shook his head and mumbled something unintelligible.

“What’s that?” urged Jane, leaning closer to hear him. Darcy found herself imitating her.

Steve looked around at the three of them nervously, then ran his hand through his hair and answered, “She wants to know about my first kiss… in the 21st century.”

Thor chortled and shook his head, going back to eating Pop Tarts, the conversation apparently not important enough for him to indulge in. Jane glanced at Darcy worriedly for the younger woman had gone bright red with an emotion Jane couldn’t decipher. Even Darcy didn’t know what she was feeling at that moment, except maybe a strong desire to hurl.

Why was this such a big deal? His first kiss was obviously Sharon, his pretty _pretty_ girlfriend.

She didn’t know she had said Sharon’s name out loud until Steve stood up looking extremely aggravated. “God, Darcy, I don’t understand why you keep bringing her up! Has she done something to you?”

Darcy watched him fretfully, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water, not knowing what to say, how to apologize, knowing she had screwed up. What right did she have to make assumptions about the women Steve chose to be with? She had already accepted she could never have Steve, then what right did she have to hate his girlfriend, the person who had probably saved his life in D.C. when he was a fugitive?

She knew she was acting out of jealousy, but a part of her – a saner part or maybe the part that was reserved for Steve entirely – latched onto his anger and obvious evasiveness, making her realize that maybe his first kiss was not Sharon, maybe it was someone else entirely and another smaller part told her that the only time he could have had the chance to indulge was in New York… when Darcy was with him. The funny thing was, she had no idea about it.

When Darcy didn’t respond, Steve sighed and walked away, muttering gruffly, “I should never have come to London.”

Darcy’s head fell into her hands. She felt worse than she did before, and it wasn’t for just one reason. When she looked up, Jane was looking at her pityingly and Thor looked suspicious, his eyes switching from Darcy and Jane and back. She waved her hand half-heartedly, indicating she was fine and then proceeded to confine herself to her room for the rest of the afternoon.

That night, Thor and Jane went out, claiming they hadn’t had a proper date in a while; Erik and Ian still hadn’t returned from the library; Steve was in his room attending a call and Darcy was in the kitchen making a salad. She dumped some in a plate, intending to give it to Steve and stopped short at his door when she heard him speaking to someone in low tense tones.

“… should know that it’s none of your business… no, no, I’m not playing this game anymore… I’m not angry but… are you jealous because that’s not something I want to think about.”

Great, thought Darcy, they were still talking about The Kiss. She should just breeze in and place the plateful of salad on the table and then breeze out again. Steve wouldn’t even notice and he and Natasha could continue their important conversation about first kisses.

“Yeah well, I’m afraid if I tell you, you’ll want to check her out and experiment on her or some similar protective spy-friend crap.”

It was now or never, Darcy decided, and pushed open the door at the same time that Steve said, “Fine, fine. Her name is Darcy and you don’t know her.”

Darcy froze.

“No, I’m not going to tell you her last na – Darcy!” He turned around and saw her standing there, a salad plate in hand. She quickly placed it on the first surface she could get to and hurried out of the room. “Darcy, wait! Nat, I’m hanging up.”

Darcy entered her room, swinging the door behind her. It did not slam shut like she had intended it to, because Steve burst in right after her. She whirled around to glare at him.

“Why did you do that? Why did you lie to her with _my_ name?”

“Darcy, calm down.”

“Was it another Darcy?”

“No, but…”

“Was mine the first name that popped into your head?”

“Darcy, stop.”

“Then what is it, Steve? Why would you drag my name into this when I don’t even –”

“Because it’s true!” he yelled over her words. “You _are_ my first kiss after I woke up.”

“What?” she croaked, taking a small involuntary step back. “That can’t… I would have remembered… no, you’re lying!”

“Why would I?”

She wanted to be calm but it was difficult considering what he was implying. She would have probably laughed it off if it was anyone else and not Steve. But it was Steve and he was giving her his most earnest look, like he was willing her to understand that he wouldn’t lie about something like this, like he wanted her to know that it was okay, he was there.

“You remember that night when you got really drunk and wouldn’t tell me why you were upset?” he asked her, watching her closely.

Darcy stared at him. It had been her mom’s death anniversary. She remembered bringing a bottle of tequila home, she remembered Steve telling her to stop after her third shot and she remembered waking up the next morning with a terrible hangover that Steve had nursed her through.

“When you woke up the next day, you were fine and normal with me,” Steve continued, speaking quietly, carefully. “At first I thought you were pretending, that you wanted to forget what happened, but it seemed like you really didn’t remember.”

She could feel goosebumps erupting on her skin at his words and suddenly, she knew what had happened. She had no memory of it but she knew he was telling the truth… because she knew herself and she knew what losing control around Steve would mean.

“I did it, didn’t I?” Darcy’s voice shook as she watched his face for a reaction. “I kissed you.”

He stared at her, saying nothing, neither affirming not denying her claim. But the expression on his face told her everything. He didn’t look angry or sad but he looked guilty and slightly mortified, as if she had discovered a dirty secret of his. She couldn’t bear it, the shame on his face, she could only imagine the disgust he must have felt that night when she had tried to… when she had…

A gasp escaped her lips. “Oh my God!”

Her words seemed to have jolted him because he sprung into action. “Darcy, listen to me,” he said urgently. “It’s okay, you weren’t in the right mind and we… we can just forget about it if that’s what you want, forget you ever heard me talking to Natasha. All right?”

His eyes, they were sincere. He was making excuses for her, telling her that she hadn’t been in her right mind, that she wouldn’t have kissed him if she had been sober. He was taking her side, just like a friend would. If only he knew how wrong he was or how close she had come to breaking her walls and letting lose in front of him, telling him that that she loved him and he was made just for her, showing him how she felt for him with her hands, lips and body… if only he knew.

“Darcy.” He was standing closer to her, looking down at her with concern, willing her to say something.

She didn’t know how to handle this situation, how to explain to him the rising panic and utter humiliation she felt at knowing about that important part of her life which she had seemingly forgotten. After everything she had done, everything she had given up so that she could get over these… these _poisonous_ feelings that she had for him, if a silly night of drunkenness could possibly flush all her efforts down the drain, Darcy wondered what she was capable of when sober. Because it was Steve and Steve could make her do anything. Hell, she had been thinking of completing her graduation in a NYC college and had given it up to go away to London with Jane, _because_ of how she felt and because she knew she couldn’t handle her feelings when around him.

Before she could think anything else, before she could argue more with herself, her mind came to a sudden halt and Darcy came to a decision. If her dad were there, he would probably call her selfish but Darcy didn’t care. She would tell Steve. He had to know, he had to know to stay away from her, he had to understand that they could never be friends and that she would ruin him with her drama.

So when she spoke, her voice was steady and calm, not reflecting the turmoil she was feeling inside. “Do you know why I did it?”

“You were drunk,” he repeated. “It’s okay, it happens.”

“Does it?” How did Steve Rogers know what happened and what didn’t happen in the 21st century? “Stop making excuses for me, Steve.”

“I’m not making excuses.”

“Do you know why I did it?” repeated Darcy.

“What… I don’t understand…” He fumbled. He was wound tight, Darcy could see. His hands were closed in a fist, his expression conflicted and his eyes settled everywhere except on Darcy.

And Darcy realized that he knew, that maybe he had known all along. How could he not, when he had her wrapped all around his little finger? Maybe Darcy had been the blind one all along and not him. She thought back to her moments with Steve and the little things came to her mind – making peanut butter swirl brownies even though she didn’t like them because they were _his_ favorite, sacrificing her sleep so that _he_ could sleep, losing arguments to him, stitching funny faces in his towels to bring a smile to his face, always giving up the last of her gummy bears to him when they were watching a movie, always letting him select the movies… – everything she had done, she had done for him, and he was really damned thick if he hadn’t noticed it.

She straightened up slightly and looked him in the eye, because it was time she stopped hiding behind herself, and if this was the only way she could move on then Darcy would be selfish. There was a palpable tension in the air that maybe she was responsible for, that led up to the moment of her broken confession.

“I love you, Steve,” she whispered. Her throat felt dry and her eyes stung but she ploughed on. “I’m in love with you.”

It was as if a huge burden had been lifted off her shoulders and she released a breath she hadn’t known she had been holding. She maintained her gaze on him, something she rarely ever did in the fear that he would be able to see the truth in her eyes, but her secret was out and she had nothing to fear, not even rejection. This wasn’t a proposal, it was confession.

Steve’s eyes found hers, wide and stunned. The fists he was pressing tight against his pants slowly unclenched and his lips parted in surprise. He didn’t seem to be in a position to say anything but as Darcy watched him, she thought she saw a flash of something in his eyes, something quiet, something she couldn’t quite decipher; it was gone before she even had the chance to give it more thought because the next second, his phone went off and at the same time, the front door blew open and Thor flew in, Jane in his arms.

“Barton’s outside,” the Asgardian announced loudly, looking around until he found Steve in Darcy’s room. “They’ve found the scepter.”

Steve received the call, nodded and turned to Thor and Jane, who were peering inside the room at Steve and Darcy curiously.

“That was Stark. Romanoff is on her way,” Steve informed them. “We need to leave now.”

Thor nodded and turned to Jane, enveloping her in a hug. Darcy watched the couple kiss and say goodbye to each other. A dull ache in her heart compelled her to turn away from the tender sight and her eyes caught Steve’s gaze. He was looking at her and Darcy was bemused to note that he looked regretful.

“I have to go but we can continue this conversation when I return,” he said.

Darcy shook her head and forced a smile on her face. “It’s okay, Steve. You don’t have to worry about anything,” she assured him. “This is _my_ problem, not yours.”

“Darcy,” he sighed in exasperation. Ignoring Thor’s call, he grabbed Darcy’s arm. “I’m coming back and we’re talking about this.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. Just go, please. I won’t be here when you return,” she lied.

“Jesus!”

She had never heard him swear before. And it was sweet what he was trying to do but if he wanted to discuss her feelings for him and if he wanted to help her get over him because he couldn’t bear the guilt it brought him, then Darcy was sorry but she would never give him a chance because she was already suffering from unrequited love and didn’t want any more salt on her wounds. She wasn’t ready for that. Not yet, not ever.

“I’ll be fine,” were her last words to Steve as he was ushered away by Thor.

Hours later, Darcy emerged from her room with bloodshot eyes and a tear-streaked face to find Jane standing outside, a box of tissues in hand and a sad smile on her face. “I got you,” she said softly, pulling Darcy into her warmth and letting her break down in their embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.


	7. The Source Of All Her Insecurities

“Darcy, have you seen my blue scarf?”

“I already packed it in your bag,” called Darcy, zipping her own travel bag and giving her room a once over, checking if she wasn’t forgetting anything.

Satisfied, she wheeled the bag out of her room and placed it by the door with Jane’s luggage. The scientist in question was scurrying around in her room, stuffing things into her handbag, swearing occasionally when she couldn’t find something she wanted.

Darcy rolled her eyes. “Jane, what are you doing? We’re going to be late for our flight.”

“Just a minute,” cried Jane, diving under the bed and coming up with a pair of Christmas socks that she proudly showed to Darcy. “They were a gift from Thor.” She tossed the socks in her handbag. The socks were followed by a strawberry lip gloss, a science journal, a photo of her and Thor in pajamas and a bracelet that Darcy had never seen Jane wear.

“Stop being such a girl,” shouted Darcy, taking Jane’s hand and trying to drag her out of the room. “We’re going for a week, not a year. We have everything we need. Let’s go!”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, yes, now come on.”

Jane threw one last glance around her room and let herself be dragged out by Darcy. The two women were going back to New York, something Darcy had not been expecting to happen so soon. They were staying with Erik for a day and then they were planning to fly to Miami to visit Jane’s aunt and for some well deserved beach time.

Erik lived somewhere in Upstate New York, and during one really long, really intense conversation with Jane over the phone, he had mentioned something about a woman with extraordinary abilities of telepathy and energy manipulation, which he was studying in order to figure out what else she could do with her powers and how she had gotten them in the first place. Jane, being Jane, had immediately accepted his invitation to check out the enhanced being for herself and offer her invaluable opinion.

Darcy had no choice but to go with her. After Steve and Thor had left them over two months ago, Erik had followed suit, acquiring a part time job in some university back in the States. Sensing each other’s disinterest and differing priorities, Ian and Darcy had slowly drifted apart and eventually, he had moved out. Soon, Jane and Darcy were the only occupants of the apartment.

It was tough at first, waking up to find no Erik, Thor and Ian in the house but both women got used to it. After the Convergence, Jane had progressed from a faceless scientist to one of the foremost astrophysicists in the world and as such, she received daily invites to labs, conferences, observatories, meetings, universities and even government projects. Wherever she went, she took Darcy with her. Going back to New York was no exception. There was no way she would leave Darcy to rot alone in the house, surrounded by loneliness and suffocating in self-pity.

“You’re drooling over my sleeve,” stated Darcy, snapping her fingers in front of Jane’s face. The astrophysicist jolted awake.

“Are we there yet?”

“Almost,” murmured Darcy, looking out of the window and seeing New York below her.

“Good. These seats are uncomfortable.”

Darcy smiled and turned to look back out. She hadn’t wanted to come. She knew Steve was in New York but she had no idea where he was or what he was doing. After that fateful night in her bedroom, Darcy had made sure that Steve could never reach her. She had blocked his number (again) and she had made Jane swear to never give out any details to Thor whenever he found time to call. The Avengers had spent weeks locating the scepter (according to Thor, HYDRA kept moving it around) and finding the scepter had only led to another battle and more destruction.

Once the air had settled, Jane had received a call from Steve asking for Darcy.

“I suppose she blocked my number again,” he said over the phone. “Can you please tell her I want to speak to her?”

Darcy had been right beside Jane, shaking her head frantically. Utterly conflicted, Jane had lied that Darcy was awfully sick and couldn’t come on the phone. He had called back after two days, informing Jane that he was coming to London.

Jane placed a hand over the phone and turned to Darcy with wide eyes. “Shit, Darcy, what do I do?” she mouthed.

Heart pounding, Darcy wracked her brain for another believable lie.

“Just talk to him!” Jane mouthed again.

Darcy shook her head. No way. There was no way she was talking to him again after what happened. She wanted to believe she was over him but seeing and talking to him again would dredge up all the memories and feelings, and Darcy had worked so hard to suppress everything, she couldn’t lay her efforts to waste.

“Dr. Foster, are you there?” Jane jumped at Steve’s voice.

“Yes, yes, sorry.”

Thinking of the most plausible lie, Darcy bounced to get Jane’s attention, pointed to herself and mimed flying away. “To my dad in LA,” she whispered. “Tell him!”

Jane nodded. “Darcy’s gone to visit her dad in LA, Captain Rogers,” she told him. “So there’s no point in you coming to London.”

There was silence on the line. Then –

“Where in LA exactly?”

“Ummm… I don’t know. I’m sorry.” Jane looked sincere in her apology. Darcy knew she felt bad for lying to Steve.

When more than a week had gone by, Darcy was beginning to think that he had got the hint and would not call again.

She was wrong.

“She’s not in LA.” Jane had put him on speaker.

Darcy paled and dropped her iPod. The finality in his voice could only mean one thing – he had searched for her.

“What?” Jane squeaked. “How do you know?”

“Tony was gracious enough to do a photo shoot,” he replied in a hard voice. “Darcy never went to LA. Her dad has not seen her since London.”

“Oh no,” escaped Jane’s lips before she could stop herself.

“I don’t appreciate you lying to me, Dr. Foster.” He sounded unforgiving and Darcy could not imagine what had made him speak to Jane that way. “All I want to do is speak with Darcy. I wouldn’t even be bothering you if she just responded to my calls!”

“I’m sorry. I just don’t know what to say.” Jane glared at Darcy. _This is your fault_ , her eyes said. _You’re making me do this!_

There was a pause and then they heard Steve sigh. Darcy’s heart broke for him but she had promised herself to be strong, she couldn’t give in to temptation. Not again.

“Dr. Foster… Jane,” he spoke in a resigned voice, “Please. If she’s there with you, please let me talk to her.” There was something in his voice, something aside from utter supplication that made Jane’s eyes fill with tears and her lips tremble.

And when she spoke, her voice was thick. “Darcy’s gone, Steve,” she paused and added bitterly, “Both of you made sure of that.”

Darcy’s eyes flew to Jane but the older woman did not look back. She gripped the phone tight and said, “I’d be willing to pass on a message to her if you have one.”

“No, I –” Steve cut himself off abruptly. They heard him take in a shaky breath on the phone. “Tell her I’m sorry.”

Before Jane could say anything, the line went dead and Darcy slumped forward, placing a comforting hand on Jane’s shoulder. To her surprise, Jane shrugged her off. Darcy watched her wipe her unshed tears and down a glass of water.

“Why did you say that?” she asked Jane quietly.

Jane slammed the glass on the table and finally met her eyes. “You mean the part where I said you’re gone?” she mocked. “Because it’s true! You’re not the Darcy you used to be, we both know that. Admit it!”

Darcy fell silent, unable to meet Jane’s eyes anymore.

Jane snorted. “The Darcy I knew is gone,” she whispered, her voice hollow, “and I don’t know if I’ll ever get her back.”

She turned and marched away into her room, slamming the door behind her. She spent the entire weekend not talking to Darcy and avoiding her whenever she could. Darcy didn’t have the strength to placate her by justifying her decisions, so she waited for Jane to calm down and forgive her, so that they could get on with their life and plan trips to more conferences.

As it turned out, just one call from Erik was enough to pull Jane out of her funk, and a week later, both women were packing their bags for New York.

 

The car that had come to pick them up at the airport drove them to a relatively remote area in Upstate New York where a sprawling white piece of architecture loomed in the distance. Darcy raised her eyebrows at Jane.

“Sleek,” she said with a grin. “Erik keeps getting upgraded, doesn’t he?”

“I can’t wait to meet the Scarlet Witch,” Jane enthused, watching the driver pull their bags out of the trunk.

“Who?” snorted Darcy, grabbing her bag and following Jane to the entrance. “Did you say witch?”

Jane nodded. “That’s what they call her, the woman with energy manipulation abilities. Cool, isn’t it?”

“Sure,” mumbled Darcy. She looked up suspiciously when she heard a camera click somewhere. A second later, the door opened on the other side of which stood a smiling Erik.

He spread his arms wide in greeting. “My girls!”

Jane laughed, running up and giving him a hug. Darcy followed suit.

“What’s up, old man?” She smiled when Erik ruffled her hair.

“Come on in. I’ll show you to your rooms.”

“No, I want to see the Scarlet Witch,” protested Jane. “Now.”

“Okay then, science first, rest later,” chuckled Erik. He turned his head to look up and said clearly, “F.R.I.D.A.Y, please tell Ms. Maximoff that her presence is requested in my lab.”

“Very well, Dr. Selvig,” came a cool, mechanical female voice from the ceiling.

Darcy started. “The hell…”

“F.R.I.D.A.Y. is an AI,” Erik informed them, ushering them past a maze of corridors and stopping in front of an elevator. “She was designed by Tony Stark. She’s very helpful.”

“Thank you, Dr. Selvig. Ms. Maximoff is on her way,” F.R.I.D.A.Y. spoke again.

Darcy whistled. “What is this place?” she asked in awe.

She missed the look Erik exchanged with Jane.

“Take this and go to the residential floor,” said Erik, handing her a keycard. “The door marked E.S. is your room. Once you’re ready, ask F.R.I.D.A.Y. to guide you to my lab. Okay?”

Darcy nodded and gave Jane a giddy smile. “This is awesome! Okay.” She took the keycard and stepped inside the elevator. Before the elevator closed, she heard Jane’s muffled voice say, “She’s going to kill me.”

Darcy frowned, having no idea what Jane meant or if she was even talking about her. She shrugged, putting it out of her mind and concentrating on the changing floor numbers displaying on the screen. “This is the residential floor, Ms. Lewis.”

Darcy looked up in surprise when the elevator doors opened. “You know my name?”

“I know everything, Ms. Lewis,” said F.R.I.D.A.Y. and Darcy thought the AI sounded rather smug.

She curled her fingers around the handle of her bag and stepped out, peering down the vast corridor. The doors on either side of the corridor were marked with names – Col. J. Rhodes, S. Wilson, W. Maximoff – and further down, the corridor curved to the left where Darcy could see more doors. But she didn’t have to turn left because the door marked E.S. was right there before the turning. Darcy stood before it and stared dubiously. There was no handle on the door and no slot where she could insert her keycard.

Taking a chance, she placed the keycard on various parts of the door, hoping one of them would be the activation point.

When that didn’t work, Darcy stepped back and wondered what to try next. “Do I have to say my name or is there a code word… or what?” she said to herself uncertainly.

She heard a low chuckle from behind her. “Try placing your keycard at the bottom corner of the door.”

A dark-skinned, muscled and rather amused man stood to her right, leaning against the door marked S. Wilson.

Darcy did as he said, bending down to touch her card to the bottom left corner. When nothing happened, she turned back to see him laughing at her expense. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen.”

Darcy huffed. “Is this how you treat guests in this building?” she grumbled.

He walked up to her, still laughing. “I’m sorry but you looked so funny when you were touching the door like that.”

“I was not touching the door!” she protested crossly.

“If you say so, lady.” He grinned and took the keycard from her hand, holding it before the letters E.S. “That’s the camera above the alphabets, look.”

Darcy looked and felt her face flush. “Oh, I thought that was a really big screw or something,” she mumbled, making him snort.

But the door still didn’t open. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, what’s wrong with this door?” the man said loudly.

“That is not the correct keycard, Mr. Wilson.”

“Well, there you go,” smirked Mr. Wilson, handing her back the useless card.

Defeated, Darcy perched herself on her travel bag and looked miserably at him. “Erik gave me this card, the blind old loon. I hope he burns in hell.” He snickered at her choice of words.

“Sam Wilson,” he said, offering her his hand.

“Your name sounds familiar. I’m Darcy Lewis.”

He started, his eyes widening for a few seconds before he regarded her with narrowed eyes. “Darcy Lewis?” he repeated.

“Yes?”

“Jane Foster’s intern Darcy Lewis?”

“Uh… yes,” said Darcy, giving him a weird look. “Do I know you?”

He shook his head slowly. “My friend knows you.”

“Oh, must be Erik, then,” she said with a smile. Maybe that’s why his name sounded so familiar to her. Erik must have mentioned it before. “Now I have to go back to the labs and give him a piece of my mind for trying to strand me in deserted corridor.”

“Yes, yes,” agreed Sam, nodding absently. He looked a little distracted. “I’ll… uh… come with you. So you don’t get lost.”

“How kind of you,” muttered Darcy drily. She let him take her bag and followed him back to the elevator.

“Communal floor,” Sam said clearly.

“What? No. Erik works in the labs,” Darcy reminded him. But the elevator was already moving.

“Yes, but you just made a long journey. Aren’t you hungry?”

Darcy narrowed her eyes at Sam. His behavior seemed fishy to her. She wished she had smuggled her taser cross country.

“I guess… but –”

“Then let’s grab a donut before we go find Erik, yeah?”

“If you try to hurt me, I’ll punch you in the face and run away,” she told him conversationally.

He looked nonplussed. “Why do you think I’d want to hurt you?”

“I don’t know you.”

“Fair enough,” he said with a shrug. “But trust me when I say I have your best interests at heart.”

Darcy rolled her eyes. If he was trying to hit on her, he was banging up the wrong door. She debated calling Jane but she realized she did not need a rescue. She was in a building that was operated by a Tony Stark designed AI. What could go wrong?

The doors opened and Darcy stepped out cautiously, as if expecting an ambush of some sort. Sam gave her a gentle push and she turned to glare at him. “Don’t rush me,” she demanded. But her grumpiness and caution just seemed to amuse him.

“We’re just here to grab a donut,” he said reassuringly. “Look, there’s the kitchen.”

They were standing on the threshold of a spacious room that seemed like a relaxing station of sorts. There was a big L shaped couch facing a mini theater screen, a pool table in one corner, bean bags scattered everywhere and what looked like an orange rolling away happily on the floor. The kitchen was right across from this room. So maybe Sam Wilson was not a creep. Maybe he really was trying to help her.

But try as she might, she could not shake off the nagging doubt in the back of her mind telling her that something was not right, that she was in for a bad surprise.

She asked Sam an experimental question. “How many donuts can I have exactly?”

“As many as you want,” he mumbled, sounding distracted again.

The nagging intensified and a familiar feeling of foreboding rose up Darcy’s spine. It took her moment to understand it. She wanted to turn back, to retrace her steps but they were almost there. As they neared, she could hear voices in the kitchen.

“… can’t just leave everything and go to London without knowing that she –”

It was a woman speaking and she stopped abruptly when Darcy and Sam came into view. Darcy took in the sight before her and her eyes landed on the one man she hadn’t expected to see there. She realized she had _felt_ him before she had even seen him and yet she couldn’t stop her eyes from widening or her heart from missing several beats.

He caught sight of her immediately, as if he had felt her presence too.

“Darcy.”

She barely registered his stunned whisper. A part of her wanted to turn tail and run. Another part was telling her to launch herself in his arms like she had always wanted. She didn’t know what to do, what to feel, her brain was short circuiting and – God! – he was standing right there before her, gaping at her like he couldn’t believe his eyes. Darcy let her eyes roam over his face, taking in the worry lines on his forehead, his eyes that seemed to brighten at the sight of her, the color in his cheeks and she couldn’t help the thrill that she felt at seeing him looking so good.

“Steve,” she said eventually, because she couldn’t just stand there and look at his face.

“What… how did you… are you here to see me?” he stammered, looking completely lost.

“No, I… I came to see Erik. I didn’t know… you live here?” Fumbling did not become her but she was still trying to get over the shock of seeing him there.

He nodded and took a step forward. “This is the Avengers facility.”

“Oh.”

They were silent for a bit and it was beginning to feel awkward. She wished he would stop looking at her.

She broke his gaze and her eyes landed on the woman he had previously been speaking to. She was observing their exchange with narrowed eyes but when she caught Darcy looking at her, she attempted a small smile that Darcy did not return.

“Sharon, I believe?” she asked, failing to hide the hint of bitterness in her voice.

Steve looked over his shoulder at the woman and then back at Darcy. For some reason, he looked disappointed in her. “This is Natasha Romanoff,” he said, not bothering to introduce Darcy to Natasha.

“Right,” mumbled Darcy, feeling stupid. “Red hair.”

The woman’s eyes flickered to Darcy, then to Steve and back. She looked like she knew what was happening, like she understood everything that Darcy didn’t. Sam went to stand on the other side of Steve. Suddenly, despite this probably being the safest building in the city, Darcy felt attacked, cornered. She took an involuntary step back when Steve stepped toward her. He paused, tilting his head and assessing her openly.

“How have you been?” He was being careful with her, like he thought she would run away if he made one wrong move.

“Fine.”

“I tried to call you.” He took another small step forward.

“Why?”

“Do I need a reason?”

Darcy bit her lip, her eyes sliding to each Avenger pleadingly. Sam looked guilty for misleading her and Natasha seemed mildly annoyed as she witnessed the scene before her. Steve took another tentative step toward her, looking as if he wanted to hug her. But Darcy stepped back again and his face fell.

She was being too distant, too detached and perhaps a bit rude. She realized she had spent her time being away from him so that she could get over him, so that when they ever crossed paths in the future, like they had at that moment, she would be able to put it all behind her and treat him like a friend.

A soft snort escaped her lips and she shook her head, not giving herself another moment to think about it before she moved towards him and put her arms around him in a brief hug. The second she felt him touch her, a painful jolt swept through her entire body and her fingers reflexively curled tighter into his shirt. She resisted the strong urge to push closer to him, to burrow herself in his warmth because she felt like she deserved it, a tiny moment that was just hers, before she was separated from him again. It took a herculean effort to drag her body away from his and when she managed it, she felt proud of herself.

“I have to go,” she told him softly.

“But you just came,” he protested, reaching for her again.

Darcy stepped back and out of his reach. “Jane must be wondering where I went off to.” She paused to glance behind him at Sam and Natasha, who were now pretending like they weren’t listening to everything that was being said. “You must have stuff to do… people to be with.”

He ignored her insinuation and asked, “How long are you here for?”

“We leave tomorrow.”

“Will you come back?”

“No.” And then she fled because she couldn’t take any more of it.  
\---

“Nice of you to not tell me we’re in the Avengers facility.”

Erik and Jane looked up from where they were talking to a dark haired woman who could be none other than the Scarlet Witch.

Erik was the first one to crack. “We’re sorry, Darcy.”

“We didn’t think you would want to come if you knew,” finished Jane, not looking sorry in the least.

“You’re Darcy Lewis?” The Scarlet Witch was studying her appraisingly.

Darcy huffed in irritation. “Does everyone around here know me?”

“Yes,” the Witch said with a slight sneer. “You’re quite the heartbreaker, aren’t you?”

“What?” choked Darcy, her tone colored with disbelief. She turned to glare at Jane. “Have you been spreading lies about me?”

“No!” Jane said immediately.

“Then what the fuck is she talking about?” raged Darcy. She was not in the mood for any more games. The urge to throw something at the wall rose.

“I don’t know,” sputtered Jane, watching the Witch with wide eyes. “Ms. Maximoff?”

The woman in question slid down from the stool she was sitting on and walked slowly towards Darcy. Her gaze was rather hypnotizing and despite her anger, Darcy couldn’t look away. The Witch came to stand before her and raised a hand to touch Darcy’s curls.

“You’ll die alone,” she said, her voice an ominous whisper that unnerved Darcy, “if you don’t stop running.”

Darcy tried not to let the Witch’s words affect her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she stated. For once, her voice was steady.

The other woman gave her a mocking smile and floated back to her stool, waiting for Erik and Jane to pay attention to her again.

 

Darcy spent the rest of the day locked up in her room, refusing to come out. Once Erik had apologized and given her the correct keycard, she had gone straight to the E.S. room and indulged herself in a long hot bath. Jane had knocked a few times throughout the course of the day but Darcy was not ready to see her deceitful face yet. She passed her time figuring out the buttons on her T.V. remote and drinking sprite from the in-room refrigerator.

At about nine, when Darcy was peeling a granola bar for dinner, there was soft knock on her door. “Go away, Jane,” she yelled in annoyance. “I don’t want to talk to you ever!”

“Darcy, it’s Steve.”

The granola bar fell from her fingers. _Oh shit!_ When would he get the hint that she had nothing to say to him anymore? That she had already told him everything that night in her bedroom. That she was not ready for him to apologize to her face and tell her how sorry he was that he did not love her back.

“Steve, this isn’t a good time for me. I’m not feeling very wel –”

His muffled voice cut her off. “Darcy, if you don’t let me in right now, I’ll override the security protocols and open this door myself!”

Darcy gaped up at the ceiling. “Can he do that, F.R.I.D.A.Y?” she whispered to the AI.

“Yes, Ms. Lewis. Captain Rogers is in charge of this facility.”

Seeing no other way out of this, Darcy dragged her feet to the door and opened it reluctantly. Steve stood on the other side looking as breathtaking as ever. He pushed past her, as if he expected her to close the door in his face if he lingered too long. There were two boxes in his hands that he held out for her to take.

Darcy took the boxes and shut the door with her foot. He had brought her chicken wings and a donut.

“Jane said you haven’t had dinner,” he explained in response to her questioning look.

She nodded and placed the food on the table beside the flower pot.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked conversationally.

Darcy sighed and got right to the point. “Why are you here, Steve?”

He was ready for her. “Why didn’t you receive my calls, Darcy?” he countered.

“I was busy,” she lied.

“Doing what? Cuddling Ian?”

“What’s Ian got to do with anything?” she sputtered in disbelief.

“He’s got as much to do with everything as the Sharon who you keep mentioning.”

“Sharon’s your girlfriend!”

“No, she’s not! She never was. I barely know her.”

Darcy started. “What? But… but,” she stammered. “You said you asked her out.”

“I also said it was on Natasha’s insistence. We never went out. In fact, I haven’t seen her in months.”

Darcy didn’t know what to do with that information. Her brain told her to be happy but in all reality, she was just plain confused.

“Never mind that,” she insisted. “Tell me why you’re here.”

“Tell me why you didn’t receive any of my calls,” he repeated stubbornly.

“Steve, stop it.”

“I called you a million times. I left you text messages. I called Jane, for Christ’s sake!”

“So what? What do you want me to say?”

“I want you to tell me the truth! Why didn’t you want to speak to me?”

“You _know_ why!” Darcy exploded, marching past him to stand in the middle of the room.

He followed. “No, I don’t!”

She whirled around, her face and eyes red. “I love you,” she shouted. “I love you and I can’t stand being around you. It’s absolute torture to look at you and talk to you and not be allowed to touch you!”

“But you _have_ touched me,” he pointed out quietly, “haven’t you?”

Darcy assumed he was talking about the kiss that she didn’t remember but did he know about all those times she had run her fingers down his face when he was sleeping? Did he know about that time when she had tried to fit her hand into his, proclaiming them a perfect match? Did he know what he did to her in her dreams, touching her everywhere, taking her to the peak, making her see stars like only he could?

No, he didn’t know _anything_!

Bile rose up her throat and she shook herself out of her dangerous thoughts. “Leave,” she gasped, turning away from him.

“No,” he said, walking closer to her instead.

“Leave me alone, Steve,” she begged, willing herself to not break down in front of him. “You don’t understand.”

“Then make me understand.”

“I can’t. I’m trying to do the right thing,” she said brokenly. “But we can’t be friends. You have to let me go.”

“Don’t you get it?” he whispered. “I can’t.”

She hadn’t realized how close he had come until she turned around and found him right behind her, looking at her in a way he had never looked at her before.

“Let me in, Darcy. Talk to me. You’d be surprised how much I understand.”

The first signs of panic set in as Darcy listened to him. She took a step back, which he matched, moving forward.

“Steve,” she breathed, her eyes wide with a fear she didn’t understand. “You don’t know what you’re… you can’t mean that.”

“I mean it,” he said so firmly that Darcy found herself stumbling back. He followed her.

“Stop!” she rasped, holding up her hands between them, thinking it would make him stay.

“No, I won’t stop. Not until whatever _this_ is between us is cleared and dealt with for good!”

He grabbed both her hands and brought them together between their bodies.

“I _am_ dealing with it!” exclaimed Darcy, stepping back and trying to free her hands from his. He matched her steps, practically dogging her until she felt the wall behind her.

“Are you? Look at you, Darcy, you’re panicking. You can’t even stand me touching you.” He held onto her hands a little tighter. “How is this dealing?”

Darcy gulped when he moved even closer, their grasped hands squished between their chests, their breaths mingling, and all she could do was stare at him, heart pounding, fear clogging her insides, because he was saying these words, words that were true but she did not want to hear them. They didn’t make sense. Nothing made sense anymore.

“What are you saying?” she choked out. Their proximity made alarm bells go off in her head.

“I’m saying it hurts me to know that the one person I care about the most in the world can’t stand to be around me,” he said. “I’m saying I want to know what it is that makes you turn tail and run every time rather than face your feelings for me.”

“Don’t you see? I lose control,” cried Darcy forcefully. He had to understand that what he was saying wasn’t possible. “I kissed you!”

“You were drunk.”

“So that automatically excuses my behavior?”

“Darcy…”

“I kissed you, Steve!”

“And I kissed you back!”

All color drained from Darcy’s face. “What?”

“It’s true,” he said ruefully. “I did not expect it but when you kissed me, it felt like I had been waiting for months for you to do that. For the first time, I was thinking clearly. I couldn’t help it, I had no _choice_ but to kiss you back, because I wanted to… so badly.”

Darcy stared at him, shocked beyond words.

“I was ashamed of myself. I felt guilty for days, thinking I had somehow taken advantage of you in your inebriated state. You having forgotten about it was worse because I didn’t know what to do, how to tell you what I felt for you. I had convinced myself that you didn’t feel the same and that I was alone in my desires, but that still didn’t stop me from following you to London.”

His words took her back to that day when she had downed a bottle of tequila despite Steve’s warnings and it was then that she remembered something. That incident had happened a mere week before Steve had coaxed her into talking about her family and asked if she wanted to eat out the next day. Darcy’s breath hitched in her throat at her sudden realization. It wasn’t just a dinner between friends. He had asked her out. He had expected a kiss, a confession, _something_ at the end of their date but she had let him go on the mission without even a hug.

She remembered the mortification in his eyes that night in her bedroom when she had found out about the kiss. It hadn’t been because she had kissed him, it had been because of him, because he had kissed her back!

Her vision blurred as tears erupted into her eyes, the panic returning in full scale. She tried to push him again but he held on tight.

“Why can’t you let me in, Darcy? You’ve always been there for me, I know now. I didn’t realize it until after you were gone but you were _always_ there. So why can’t you let me be there for you, too? I can be good for you. I can make you happy… can’t I?”

This wasn’t happening, not now, not to her. Darcy Lewis was not meant for a happy ending, but this, this was something different. This was Steve Rogers saying these words to her that would make any woman’s insides melt. And if he could have any woman, then why was he saying all this to her? It was all her imagination. It was too good to be true.

She tried to calm herself down, tried to tamp down the simultaneous thrill and dread she felt at hearing him say those words to her.

“Steve,” she said, taking a deep breath. “I know you feel guilty and that you’re worried about me. I can understand how hard it must have been to hear me say that I love you and to not feel it back. But you’re mistaking your guilt for feelings for me and that’s just… I can’t… it’s wrong and I don’t want that.”

“What _do_ you want then?” he asked and she tried not to hear the plea in his voice. “You want me to just give up and let you go? Ignore my feelings because you think it’s just guilt?”

“Steve, I’m trying to...”

“You think you know me so well? Great. Then why don’t you tell me how broken I shouldn’t have felt when you left for London? Tell me how I wasn’t totally alone in D.C. without you, how I wasn’t dying to visit you in London, how much I didn’t crave your touch while you were gone, how I couldn’t sleep without you in my bed, how I didn’t feel absolutely _complete_ when I heard you say that you love me. Tell me! Tell me all those things about me and more because you know me so much better, right? That’s your argument.”

She was crying now. It was too much, everything he was saying… it felt like a punch to her gut. She couldn’t think, she couldn’t breathe, and she couldn’t even find it in herself to meet his eyes.

Steve placed his fingers below her chin and turned her face up, forcing her to look at him.

“Why are you fighting this? Why are you fighting _us_?” he spoke gently. “You’re not this person, Darcy. You used to be funny, carefree and bold. You befriended me when I had no one, when I wasn’t even sure I wanted a friend. You’ve always been a go-getter. So what changed?”

“I fell for you,” she whispered in defeat.

He shook his head. “You’re lying! That can’t be it. Tell me, Darcy, what is it about me that makes you run?””

A fresh batch of tears rolled down her cheeks and she looked away. Her dad’s words echoed in her ears and a bitter laugh bubbled inside her chest.

“You’re Captain America, Steve,” she reminded him, her voice barely audible. “You’re wonderful, strong and famous. You’re supposed to be with someone classy and beautiful.”

He noticed the emphasis on the last three words and his face paled. “What?”

“How can I ever compare?”

Steve let go of her hands and grabbed her shoulders instead, his grip commanding. “You’re telling me that you actually believed him? Your dad who doesn’t even know what you’ve been through? Who doesn’t give a flying shit about your feelings when he says stuff like that?”

Darcy managed a small smile. “He’s been right so far, hasn’t he? He was right about me making a mistake choosing political science as my major, he was right about me not being able to afford good beer, and he was even right to leave mom and me behind to pursue his dreams. We were holding him back.”

Steve gaped at her, his mouth slightly open. “Listen to what you’re saying, Darcy!” he huffed. “How far gone are you that you’re willing to condone his selfish behavior? What did he do to you? What did he do to make you this way?”

“No, Steve, you’re taking this the wrong way.”

“Really? Then why are you quoting him?” he accused, “Seems to me that he did some significant damage before he left if you’re having a hard time accepting my feelings for you.”

“What does my dad have to do with any of this?”

Steve shot her an incredulous look. “What does your dad have to do with your _insecurities_? I don’t know… everything!”

There was a fire that he exuded when he spoke, a fire that threw Darcy’s brain in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions, trying to understand what Steve was saying, what his words essentially meant and what she had come to realize about her own shortcomings. That her shortcomings were never what she thought they were was a concept that was new to her and brought a new wave of terror with it. Was she ready to accept what he was saying? Was she brave enough?

Her chin trembled, her hands balled into the front of his shirt and her eyes were wide and bloodshot. She tried to believe him. She wanted to believe him so much but what if he later realized that he was wrong, that he didn’t want her after all? Darcy had never been enough for her parents, then how the hell would she be enough for Captain America?

For the first time in Steve’s presence, she put a valiant effort to translate her doubts into words. “What if you’re wrong, Steve?” she asked, meeting his steady gaze. “What if you realize that I’m holding you back, that I’m not enough, that I’m neither classy nor beautiful?”

“You _are_ beautiful, Darcy,” murmured Steve, sliding a hand down her arm to wrap around her waist. “So beautiful to me.”

“I’m afraid,” she whispered. “I’m afraid of getting hurt.”

“You think I am not? After waking up, after everything that I’ve been through, I never expected I’d say these words to anyone but I… I love you, Darcy.” He sounded so sincere, so broken, so utterly helpless that Darcy had no choice but to believe him. Her breath hitched and she listened raptly as he continued, “I love you and I want you with me – all day every day.” He paused and looked at her in way that could only be described as hunger. When he spoke again, his voice had taken on a husky quality. “I can’t stop thinking about you, Darce… and I want you so much, it hurts.”

His words sent a painful jolt to her very core and she shivered. He noticed because how could he not, when he was so focused on her? She felt his other hand move to the back of her neck and fist her hair. It came to her notice that there was not much space between their bodies, and that with every breath she took, Steve’s face loomed closer and closer.

She licked her lips and opened her mouth to speak something, anything… but he cut her off before she could utter a single word.

“I want you to forget everything your dad ever implied or said to you. I want you to put aside all your insecurities and doubts and just believe in me. Take a chance on us, Darcy. It could be the best decision you ever make.”

“Steve, I… I –”

“I’m not asking you to decide now. I can’t force you into something you’re not ready for. But I don’t think I’m strong enough to let you go without giving you something to remember me by.”

It was in the way that he was looking at her, the way he was holding her flush against him that Darcy knew, without a shadow of a doubt, what he meant and what he was going to do next. She was helpless against him, helpless to try and stop it.

The moment his lips touched hers, the world around them dissolved and Darcy felt a powerful current of electricity shoot up her spine, causing her to shiver and instinctively buck against him. She felt hot all over, lit up completely by a simple desperate kiss, and before she knew it, her eyes fluttered shut and she was kissing him back. He made a soft noise of relief in the back of his throat and his arm around her waist tightened as he drew her into him, meticulously exploring her mouth, marking her so _thoroughly_ that Darcy could barely think straight, all thoughts of why this was wrong flying right out of her head.

After what felt like hours – or maybe days – Steve pulled back from her, breathing heavily. Darcy opened her eyes to find him watching her quietly, his mouth red and moist from the kiss, and his pupils blown apart. She had never seen him look so vulnerable, so desirous before. He touched her face, stroking his knuckles over her cheek.

“I wish,” he began, then shook his head and started again, “If you change your mind about leaving tomorrow, you know where to find me.”

He stepped back, pulling away from her entirely, taking the warmth with him and leaving her feeling cold and empty.

“Bye, Darcy.” And he was gone.


	8. A Promise Sealed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go, the last chapter. Thank you for all the kudos and the wonderful reviews. You guys are amazing!

Darcy sat silently on the couch, her lips still tingling from Steve’s kiss, and her heart thudding against her rib cage like a wild animal, refusing to slow down. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t focus on anything but his soft lips and his strong arms surrounding her, pulling her in, making her lose control for a brief moment.

As the time passed and her heartbeats returned to normal, other things started filtering in. His plea to let him in, his confession about that drunken night in his apartment, the knowledge that he wanted her as much as she wanted him, his insistence that her dad was to blame for Darcy’s insecurities and the fact that he had put up the fight of his life trying to convince her that he loved her and that they would be good together.

Darcy knew that he was telling the truth. The way he looked at her and the way he had kissed her was proof enough. But how long would that last? Would he always want her? What if he got tired of her? What if someone else better than Darcy walked into his life? Then would he still love her like he claimed to love her now?

Was her dad really responsible for how Darcy perceived people? Was she so far gone, as Steve put it, that she couldn’t see the difference between facing her feelings for someone and running away?

Darcy buried her face in her hands. This wasn’t a difficult decision. They both loved each other, something that Darcy hadn’t expected to ever happen, something that she was still trying to comprehend even though she now knew it was true. All she had to do was knock on his door and for once take the initiative not just because of Steve but because she deserved love and she deserved a happy ending, too.

Steve’s words came to her – _I want you to put aside all your insecurities and doubts and just believe in me_. He wanted her to take a chance on their relationship. Was she brave enough to do that? Brave enough to say yes? She had said no all her life for fear of rejection or failure but saying yes to this, to Steve, would perhaps be the bravest and riskiest thing she would ever do knowing that it had the potential to break her heart like she expected and shatter her completely should something happen or should they break apart.

She didn’t realize she was pacing until she looked around and found herself standing by the door, having circled the whole room several times. Very slowly, she opened it and peered outside. The corridor was dim and empty. She checked her wristwatch. Four thirty in the morning. She realized she had been pondering over this for almost six hours! Without thinking, she stepped out and shut the door behind her with the keycard still inside.

“Damn,” she muttered.

Not having any other choice, she took the left turn and padded down the hall, reading the names on the doors. N. Romanoff, Vision, and finally, Cpt. S. Rogers. Darcy stopped before his door and fidgeted, wondering what to do. It was the middle of the night, he was probably sleeping and she couldn’t just disregard that fact and barge in. She looked up and down the hall nervously, then back at Steve’s door. A little detail caught her eye that she had missed before. Someone had stuck a paper heart below his name that said _‘Lover boy’_ in pink sparkling letters – it made her giggle.

Just as she had decided to go back and sit outside her room until F.R.I.D.A.Y. took pity on her and let her in, the door to Steve’s room opened and she found herself staring at him in surprise.

“Hi,” she breathed. “I… uh… locked myself out of my room.”

He was silent for a moment and Darcy wondered if it was disappointment that she saw in his eyes.

“You want me to override the security protocols?” he asked her, his tone oddly formal.

“No, I…” Darcy gulped, lowering her gaze. “May I come in?”

He nodded and stepped aside. Darcy walked in, feeling decidedly out of her element. She took in her surroundings briefly – his suite was bigger and cozier than hers – before turning back to face him. He was still standing by the door with his arms crossed, watching her curiously.

She took a deep breath and decided to go for it. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled, “for everything… for hurting you.”

He didn’t say anything and she assumed maybe he was waiting for her to say more. It was a tense silence where he waited patiently while she debated how to tell him what she wanted and where to start. She knew now why she had come to his door. She was going to take a chance not just because it felt right – _oh, so right_ – but because she owed it to the both of them to make the right choice for once. To stay and to let him love her like he promised he would.

“I’m sorry, too,” his voice broke through her thoughts, “for letting you go to London, for not telling you how I felt about you.”

“No, Steve, you shouldn’t be sorry for that,” said Darcy immediately. “I was an idiot. You were right, I was running away because I was afraid. How were you to know what I was going through?”

He shook his head, his expression regretful. “I’ve given this a lot of thought, Darcy, and I should have known. I should have realized the truth about you sooner than I did but I was too absorbed in my own grief, my own refusal to move on in life…”

“And it’s _okay_ ,” interrupted Darcy forcefully. “I get it. You were mourning. You’ve been through a lot of shit, Steve. I understood that but I just couldn’t stop my stupid heart from falling for you.” She shrugged and smiled ruefully. “Pretty crazy, huh?”

“Not really,” he said. “I fell for you, too.”

“Took you long enough,” Darcy attempted to joke.

“Am I really too late?”

Darcy looked at him, at the tenderness and hope in his eyes, and for the first time in a long time, she felt lighter, happier, and bolder, as if she could take on any challenge, win any fight if she just had Steve by her side. Maybe he felt the same way about her. She gave him a smile and shook her head slowly, meaningfully, and watched as his eyes lit up with relief and adoration. He crossed the distance between them and she met him halfway, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

“I love you,” he said, his face buried in her neck.

“I love you, too,” she said giddily, tightening her hold on him.

He pressed a soft kiss to her skin, making her shiver. “So you’ll stay?” he asked expectantly.

Darcy pulled back and regarded him with narrowed eyes. “In the Avengers facility?” He nodded. “I’m not an Avenger,” she reminded him.

“It doesn’t matter. You’ll stay here, with me.”

“So wait, you’re asking me to move in with you?”

Steve’s eyes widened and he suddenly looked rather nervous. “Well, we were living together before and I want… I want you by my side,” he mumbled, peeking at her through his lashes abashedly.

A smile spread across Darcy’s lips. “All day every day?” she asked, quoting him from last night.

He barked out a laugh. “Yeah, exactly that. You make me say the cheesiest things.” He paused, then repeated, “So you’ll stay?”

“Yes.”

“And you won’t leave me again?”

“Not as long as you want me.”

“I’ll always want you.”

“Always is a long time. How do you know?”

He took her face in his hands, forcing her to look in his eyes and pay attention. “D’you know, Wanda’s magic gave me a vision. It was strange at first but then I saw Peggy and she told me the war is over and I could go home. And I realized, she was talking about you! _You_ are my home. You have been since I got out of the ice. You make me happy, Darcy. You make me _so_ happy. I just want to look at you and talk to you and kiss you and I want to keep repeating that cycle until I die. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.”

“Not even Peggy?” she asked him in a small voice, because she couldn’t help herself.

“Not even Peggy,” he confirmed. “I don’t think I was ever in love with her. I liked the idea of her and when I came out of the ice, I wished I had more time with her. But that’s all in the past now.”

“Do you still think about her?”

“Sometimes,” he admitted, his eyes glazing over slightly. “But it’s better, it’s like I remember the good stuff and the bad memories are gone. Or rather, I’ve gotten over them.”

“That’s good,” Darcy said sincerely, awash with the relief she felt at hearing him say that he had moved on. He was okay, and if he was, then so was she.

She stood on her tiptoes to kiss him, because he was right there and because apparently now she was allowed to stare at him and kiss him without feeling like a creep. He _wanted_ her to kiss him, he enjoyed it. It was a thrilling realization.

He kissed her back, pressing his lips to hers in a series of short open-mouthed kisses. His hands wandered down her sides, clutching at her hips and pulling her into him, and she couldn’t hold back the soft moan that escaped her lips.

“Darcy,” he murmured between kisses.

“Hmm?”

“You aren’t still with Ian, are you?”

He dragged his lips away from hers to plant a kiss on her jaw and her cheek and the skin below her ear and Darcy bit her lip, trying hard to remember what he had just asked her. It was hard to focus when he was touching her the way he was.

“Who?” she breathed distractedly.

Steve stilled and pulled back reluctantly. “Ian. Is he… waiting for you in London?”

Darcy blinked rapidly and through the haze in her mind, his words slowly filtered in, making her glare at him.

“No! You think I’d be making out with you if Ian was still my boyfriend?” she accused with a huff.

Steve looked sheepish. “Well… you _do_ love me more,” he said and if he sounded just a little bit smug, Darcy wasn’t going to begrudge him for it.

She did smack him on the arm. “We broke up weeks ago,” she told him. “We weren’t even properly together. He saved my life once and I was on an adrenaline rush, so I thanked him with a kiss. We just went from there, you know.”

“Okay.” He leaned down to capture her lips again but Darcy giggled and pushed him back.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like? I’m kissing you.”

“Haven’t you had enough?”

“Ask me tomorrow,” he said, attempting to sneak in a kiss.

Darcy turned her face. “I won’t be here tomorrow.”

Steve straightened immediately. “No. You said you’d stay.”

“Yes, but I can’t let Jane go to Miami alone.” She watched a frown mar his handsome features and tried not to feel too good about it. “I promise to come back. It’s just five days,” she assured.

When he kept frowning adorably, Darcy pressed a kiss to his chin. “Don’t be a baby. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“Fine,” he huffed. “Let’s go.”

“Uh… where?”

He took her hand and tugged. “To bed. I haven’t slept properly in months,” he complained. “But now that you’re here…”

She remembered him telling her that he couldn’t sleep without her in his bed and a blush crept up her cheeks when her mind wandered on to the other things that could be done in a bed. Thankfully, Steve was marching ahead of her, still holding onto her hand, and hadn’t noticed her blush. His bedroom was marvelous, big and neat with everything decorated in blues and grays that reflected his personality so well that Darcy had to admire whoever had been in charge of designing his room.

There was a work table by the window that caught her eye. A sketchbook and some pencils lay on it. Steve followed her gaze and told her that she was free to touch anything she wished. She walked up to the work table and opened the sketchbook. There were various drawings of people and places in there. There was one of the New York skyline, another of the Hulk, yet another of Iron Man carrying a missile on his back, the drawing of the Winter Soldier was her favorite – Darcy had no idea what Bucky Barnes looked like but now she knew because Steve’s sketch was so detailed and beautiful.

“I didn’t know you could draw,” she whispered, staring at his work in awe.

Back when they were living together in New York, she had noticed that Steve had the habit of doodling. He mostly made rough sketches on paper napkins and then threw them away but once or twice, she had caught him making doodles in the novels she used to read. That should have been clue enough for her but it wasn’t because this level of detailing surprised and amazed her.

He didn’t reply, just watched silently as she flipped another page and came face to face with a drawing of herself. Darcy gasped. She did not look like that, did she? Because the woman in the drawing was beautiful! He had drawn her sitting on the bed in his New York apartment, her arms circling her bent knees, her thick hair falling over her shoulders in a wavy mess, her eyes staring at something outside the sketch and the expression on her face wistful, almost heartbreaking.

“I don’t remember this,” she murmured, her eyes fixed on the sketch. “When was this?”

“That night you forgot about,” he replied with a small smile.

“I look… sad.”

“You _were_ sad. You kept saying you wanted to tell me something but when I asked what, you would just say ‘it hurts, Steve’ … and I realized much later what it was that you wanted to tell me.”

She couldn’t look away. She was seeing herself from Steve’s eyes and it was so different. He had made her look beautiful, no doubt, but he had captured those emotions on her face that she had been trying so hard to hide from him. This was not the Darcy that stared at her in the mirror. This was not the Darcy from three years ago. This was the Darcy who carried a secret, a secret that had changed her life, made her happy some days and miserable most days. She had been a sad victim of unrequited love and Steve had captured just that.

He must have mistaken her silence for hurt because he leaned forward and closed the sketchbook. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled shamefully. “I shouldn’t have let you see it. I know it’s still sore for you…”

“No, it’s… beautiful, Steve. Thank you,” said Darcy, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I just… wasn’t expecting it.”

“Oh.”

“Is this how you see me?” She didn’t mean looks, she meant the emotions.

He must have understood because he was prompt to respond, “Not always.”

It was more than a satisfactory answer and the heaviness in her heart subsided. “Good.”

She motioned to the bed. “Wanna catch some sleep? Jane and I leave at ten.”

“Yeah. But I still don’t like that you’re leaving. I literally just got you back!”

“Five days, Steve, five days.”

Their sleeping arrangement was very different this time. Darcy wasn’t sitting and Steve wasn’t in her lap. They were lying on the bed, facing each other with Steve’s arm draped around her waist, holding her close. Darcy let her fingers freely trace the outline of his face while his eyes raked over her, greedily committing her features to memory.

“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered, causing her cheeks to redden. “What are you thinking?”

“I’m still wondering how this is not a dream.”

“Is that what you dream about – you and me?”

Her gaze followed her fingers down his jaw and then up his face again. She nodded.

“What else?” Steve asked, interested.

“I couldn’t tell you.”

“Why not?”

Darcy bit her lip and lowered her eyes, feeling a hot flush creeping up her neck.

“Oh,” he mumbled and she looked up to find his cheeks tinged pink. “That.”

“That,” she echoed.

Something changed in his eyes and his lips parted slightly and Darcy knew he was about to kiss her. She brought her fingers to cover his mouth, effectively stopping him. “Wait,” she breathed. “I want to tell you something first.”

He blinked and focused on her seriously, his eyes urging her to continue. She curled her hands beneath her chin and took a deep breath.

“I don’t know how to do this,” she began, “this thing that we’re doing. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships. My mom didn’t approve of the guys that my dad liked and my dad always believed my mom’s choices were piss poor. You’re the only person that I…” Darcy paused, gathering her wits, “and you took quite some time to notice me. And now we’re together and it’s all happening so fast that I can’t… I can’t…”

Steve brought his hand up to stroke her cheek. “It’s okay,” he soothed.

Darcy swallowed and continued. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that it’s hard for me to believe that this is all true. I’ve been hiding my feelings for so long, I had myself convinced that you would never want me back. But now you do and I want you to know that I’m going to fight this, this insecurity that I have, because I want to be with you. But… but I’m scared that my doubts will never truly go away – I’ve lived with them for so long, they’re a part of me – and that I’ll end up making things difficult for you, for us.”

Steve sighed. “Darcy.”

“No, Steve, let me finish,” pleaded Darcy. “Knowing you and being in love with you has changed me. One thing that hasn’t changed is my faith in you. And with that faith, I implore you that when I act crazy sometimes, when I start to make things difficult, at that time you won’t leave my side and you won’t… give up on me.”

He waited to see whether she was finished and then spoke, “You’re not the only one who’s scared, Darcy. When I came to your room last night, I didn’t know how it would all end but I was prepared to not let you go without a fight. I’ve lost you twice already, Darcy, and that there is where all my fears lie. I’ve lost a lot of people that I love and I don’t want to lose any more, especially you. Because I’ve finally found you and I’m not ready to let you go, not now, not ever.”

Darcy let his words wash over her, a sweet dull ache settling in her chest. She questioned herself why she hadn’t noticed how alike the two of them were in so many ways. Both had been through life threatening situations, both had loved and lost, and both had enough insecurities to rock a boat. Yet, there they were, in each other’s arms, placing all their fears and inhibitions aside because they loved each other.

And if Steve was willing to fight for her, then Darcy was no weak soul – she would fight for him too. He was worth it.

“We can do this,” she said determinedly. “Everything is going to be fine. I just know it.”

“The universe can’t be that cruel, right?” murmured Steve, his words a distant echo of something Darcy had said to him a long time ago.

A slow smile stretched across Darcy’s face. “Absolutely.”

Steve grinned and leaned in to kiss her and this time, she let him.

 

_The End._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.


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